You can eat that, you are nice and slim…

[Arriba]

What would be a good response to this patronising remark I hear often enough from random people who don’t mean to offend but fail to realise that I am slim in my late forties precisely because I do not eat every cake put in front of me?

I hear people who have lost weight being praised for their effort - good for them. But lifetime of moderation (I want that cake / another cocktail / few more chips as much as anyone else) is not recognised as much of an effort as a diet with drastic results. It’s not a genetic lottery, it’s not effortless willpower, it’s a sustained choice I make at every meal / food shop / event.

Even if I do not say it out loud, I am sick of smiling politely in response to another colleague / random person on holiday, feeling entitled to comment on my healthy weight like it’s their mission to sabotage it.

Just be glad you have the willpower.Many people struggle with their weight and they probably don’t mean to offend you…relax! FWIW I have never had anyone actually comment on my weight🤷‍♀️and encourage me to eat something I say no to.

Quite possibly. But who doesn’t have insecurities? I sure do. I wouldn’t be comfortable to strike up a chat with a casual acquaintance about her size or shape.

It’s always fat people that say this. I’d suggest they eat less and stick my fork in theirs too. Heard it all my life and sick of it.

But how often? Always overweight people 🤔How do you measure/ class people as overweight?

As a pp said, the 'oh you're lucky' comments grate a bit too. Nope, it's willpower

But it you say that you sound sanctimonious

If they’re being really annoying I’d be tempted to something like ‘don’t be daft, if I ate everything I fancied I’d be fat as a barrel’

Im not slim but not over weight, i once lost a lot of weight in a month.
The comments from my then so called friend was omg are you on the jabs you must be the jabs, what did you eat to lose weight so fast.
I replied with i had a plate of the flu a bowl of diarrhoer a side of sickness and a large cup of headach and blocked nose.
Thanks for checking in with me.
We did not remain friends.
I did put the weight back on.

Why not just say ‘I’m slim precisely because I don’t eat that’?

But OP doesn’t want to eat it and she is bothered. Your experience doesn’t trump hers.

totally agree
whilst now the op has said why it’s annoying I get it, I’m someone that gets this phrase and it doesn’t bother me. Because for me it is either I eat if I want it or I’m full and I really don’t so no real willpower involved for me (and I worry when I get to the stage in life, likely post menopause like my mum, when it’s required). Science shows how reactive your brain is to craving sweet and fatty foods and responsive they are to them has a strong genetic component which predicts weight

I’m like this but for me I can eat a huge portion of something I really like / when I’m out but then I’ll be full for the rest of the day and probably not eat or have a really small dinner. I also never really want to snack and don’t crave sweet things at all. It’s just how I am, no willpower involved for me.

Your assumption that hunger is a level playing field is incorrect.

Experts have determined that, to quote Professor Giles Yeo of Cambridge University who researches into obesity, some people’s hunger thermostat is set higher than others.

There are many people living with this genetic difference trying to fight constant hunger all the time.

You may well fancy a slice of cake, bar of chocolate, glass of wine or whatever but be able to over ride that but do not assume that your brain and body is exactly the same as everybody else because it really isn’t.

How exactly do you know what somebody else feels in their body and brain?

We do understand now how genetics determine so much of our physical and mental health to give a wide variety in humanity but it seems that the myth of obesity as a moral failure and personal weakness is just too strong for this also to be accepted when it comes to eating and weight.

Yes, we can all over indulge a little even with a “normal thermostat” so you can congratulate yourself on healthy choices if you wish but people with a very high bmi and lifelong severe weight issues face an entirely different reality.

It isn’t all about education on healthy eating either because most very fat people are walking encyclopaedias on calories and dietary constituents.

For them it is a chronic disease and as well as trying to mostly fight it on their own, given many outdated medics also subscribe to the moral failure myth, they also fight the ongoing ignorance and prejudice of society in general.

It is not about willpower or any other complicated set up it is a simple case of not wanting any, why is ''no thanks'' the end of it?

sure if the most popular topic in the world at the moment of weight loss is being spoken about I get there is comments but would someone saying they dont want any thing offered that interesting to other people? why the need to add extra comments?

I hate store bought cakes. They're always too sweet and the frosting tastes greasy and artificial to me. It's annoying how many people take refusing food as an insult to them. Sometimes I will take a slice and discard it discreetly. I'm also thinnest person at work so I catch them looking and commentating at my food a lot.

Why do people think everyone wants to talk about weight dont they have hobbies?

Im peri so I get this. I also get what you are saying in your post op, I get comments daily...however, ive lost 10 stone so one of the people 'not like you' and im in lifetime maintenance. I fully feel the same though. Im in maintenance, its harder than loosing the weight, its constant. People dont get it. 3 days last week my mum asked me if I wanted a cake, my husband sat next to me eating fish and chips and constantly tells me to have a treat...a treat every day or multiple times a day isn't a treat! Treats are how i got 10 stone overweight. Im buggered if ive take 2 years to lose weight, changed my lifestyle in soo many respects to fail now in maintenance and 'take it easy' listen to 'oh surely you can have one cake'....the fight is real and daily

It's such an annoying double standard. They're free to comment on my eating and food (mind you most don't, just a few that have formed a clique) but if I said something about how much they're eating I would probably be in front of HR.

It sounds like weight is an issue in your office and people have become used to it being a big topic of conversation. I’m overweight and I’ve never once said that to anyone. There is a huge amount of evidence to suggest that hunger and satiety hormones vary widely though and there is a genetic component. Fat people aren’t just lazy or lack willpower, it’s far more complicated than that. We all need to stop commenting on each other’s bodies, it’s really none of our business.

I get this a lot. When people comment on how slim I am when they are clearly overweight and eating slices of cake (while simultaneously complaining about their weight), and they ask ‘why aren’t you eating the cake?’ I feel like saying ‘because I don’t want to end up like you’ - but that would be rude, so I just smile and say I’m not hungry. I feel like I am forever justifying why I don’t want to be fat and unhealthy.

Unlike on MN, where everyone with an overweight or obese BMI is a bodybuilder, in real life it’s usually easy to tell who is overweight.

Same. Every single day is a mental challenge for me to try and avoid anything that might cause weight gain. Every single day for my adult life has been spent worrying about putting on weight and hiding this worry from family and friends, trying to pretend everything’s normal. It’s exhausting but I dread putting on weight - the thought of being fat terrifies me. I had quite a serious eating disorder as a teenager. As an adult I thought I’d conquered it because I actually ate - I know now that I’ve not at all, the disorder has just changed and I’m no longer grossly underweight. The only time I’ve been a healthy weight was during pregnancy because I wanted the best for my babies.

I will eat cakes/chocolate etc but feel terrible guilt both during and afterwards and won’t eat anything else that day to ‘allow’ for it (and maybe the following day too). So no, I’m not ‘lucky’ to be able to have a biscuit or bit of birthday cake in the office, it’s actually a real mental challenge and painful (I know in the great scheme of things it’s not, and nothing like the genuine anguish and pain other people go through). I feel judged by some imaginary critic every time I indulge.

The only reason my weight has stayed stable in peri-menopause is because I consume less than 600-800 calories a day and am constantly trying to hide this from friends and family.

Sorry - but of a rant there and far too ‘me me me’ but the assumption that being slim is easy, and it’s only overweight people who struggle, is wrong.

You could either say 'actually I do watch what I eat' or 'I don't like discussing my weight'.

Or simple no thanks

I sometimes calmly say 'I have an eating disorder' (which is true, but I fight it). It shuts people up a treat. Depends who it is who's asking of course!

My whole life I have been able to have food in front of me and not eat it if it’s not something I really enjoy. There was no conscious restriction or willpower involved. For example if people bought doughnuts in to work I just wouldn’t have had one because I’m not keen on doughnuts. If there were cream eclairs or proper chocolate brownie I would have. Menopause has changed that and now I eat stuff I don’t really like because it’s in front of me shouting EAT ME. It’s definitely given me a better understanding of how people struggle.