Remember not to work harder than the people you're helping

[Bargepole45]

Just saw this and thought how true it was in so many aspects of life. I think it's a pretty good mantra to live by.

I prefer to live by the following mantra: Whatever you do, always try your very best.

Nonsense. Sometimes people need help because they can't do something. If they need help for some reason other than laziness, then there's nothing wrong with working harder if it will get the job done better, faster, etc. Living by your mantra is just laziness.

I help people who can’t work harder themselves.

I can’t interpret what this is supposed to
mean, can you give some context.

Ah but that is where the trap lies sometimes I think. Some situations and some people don't deserve our best. Giving our best all the time will drain us.

Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Saw a great sign in a gift shop at the weekend "Apparently this is my circus and these are my monkeys" Made me laugh.

I agree - there is an element of martyrdom that women seem to be socially conditioned to accept as part of their lives.

I know you are not referring to those who are genuinely unable to help themselves to the same extent as you can help them.

What does it mean? It doesn’t make sense at all.

Can you really not understand what it's getting at?

Not a mantra I would live by. It can't possibly apply to all situations.

It's a really selfish point of view. If you're helping someone, they are in some way in need and unable to achieve the required outcome themselves.

That is how I feel about a relative. Poor mental and physical health. Lots and lots of support from family and professionals. But won’t try and do anything to try and improve her situation. And the more we do the more is expected. I’ve had to step back. It was affecting my own mental health.

Exactly. It's a bit bizarre.

It absolutely doesn't mean that you don't help people that can't achieve the required outcome themselves. The emphasis is on the effort and energy that a person is willing to expend to help themselves versus what they're asking from you. It's not about their capability to achieve things.

The poor mental health, that you, yourself acknowledge, is probably the very reason, that your relative struggles to be able to help themselves.

Not necessarily and helping them can be unhelpful long term. You also have been that need to be needed and so develop a codependent relationship with the person that “needs help”.

Maybe, maybe not. None of us can really know that. I don't think @Wolfiefan should ruin her mental health though in a bid to help a relative who can't or won't help themselves

Teachers work a lot harder than the children, especially in primary. This is as it should be. A 5 year old should not be working as hard as a fully grown adult

I get where you're coming from OP. It's not about helping people who can't do things for themselves, you're talking about people expecting you to 'help' them, and then standing back idle while you do all the donkey work.

No, she should not be expected to have her mental health tanked, and continue to give ongoing assistance, I agree. Of course none of us have any idea of what her whole situation is regarding her relative.

Ok, an exception might be babies and young children. Pretty soon though a lot of kids in secondary school are working very hard on their studies and I would argue that a teacher shouldn't work harder to help a pupil than a pupil is willing to work themselves. Ultimately the pupil will be the one that has the most control on the outcome and stands to gain the most from the hard work.

This.

I’ve learnt the hard way. I don’t always help even when I can. I’ve learnt to check if it suits me first then extend myself. It is a selfish way to think but I’m happy with that. As long as I’m not feeling used, taken advantage of short changed then I’m happy to look out for myself first. As I’ve said I got to this point after learning the hard way

sniff sniff

The scent of benefit bashing is in the air…

To my mind, an example would be parents continuing to financially support their young adult offspring who can't be arsed to work and lounges about in their bedroom on their x-box all day.