AIBU to think DD’s ‘friend’ got a buzz cut to spite her?

[RedBear685]

My 22 year old DD has a male ‘friend’ who she has been on and off in a situationship with for a few months, they were friends before that.
On Wednesday she had a few girlfriends over as well as him and were just randomly discussing hairstyles. All the girls including DD mentioned they don’t like buzz cuts and then that was that. Yesterday, he came over to pick up DD to go out and he had been to the barbers and had a buzz cut! Only 3 days after he heard that DD and the other girls mentioned they don’t like them, he got one. I thought it was weird. He had really attractive blond wavy hair and he got rid of it for what?

AIBU to think this was quite narcissistic and he wanted to spite her, could be a bit of a stretch but perhaps even slightly misogynistic. Some males often do try to put down things women like and I’ve seen an increase in these buzz cuts recently.

Am I thinking too much into it or was he being spiteful? It’s just really irked me!

What’s the back story with them?

It’s likely that he said he was getting his haircut and wanted a buzz cut, which is why they were all discussing it.

Good on him for getting what he likes and not worrying about what others think.

Its sounds as though you teach your DD to do things only if everyone else likes it.

Your DD sounds like she’s got main character syndrome.
And you’re way too invested in your DDs and her friends lives.
Cut the apron strings.

My DD is 20 and her boyfriend regularly gets buzz cuts even though he knows she is not a massive fan of them and prefers his hair longer. When he turns up with one she just rolls her eyes and laughs. No big issue. She is not the boss of him and doesn't get to decide how he has his hair. He doesn't do it to spite her.

Similarly, my DD will sometimes get longer nails instead of shorter ones knowing that he prefers her nails shorter. She knows he prefers them to be shorter but they are her nails so she gets what she wants.

I think you are overthinking this, but to be honest, I am surprised you are thinking about it at all. I'm not sure why you care.

OK I admit narcissistic and misogynistic was probably a stretch. I still can’t connect the dots together on how his male brain could think that a buzz cut after hearing negative opinions would be the right move and how his new haircut is better than the old one? Oh well each to their own.
I’m quite protective over my children and I find it hard not to get involved. I just want DD to have a boy who respects her.

If she doesn’t like his hair then presumably she can just not shag him again?

Maybe his mother would like people to respect him too, and would not take kindly to the mother of some girl he's not even in a relationship with complaining about his haircut and calling him a narcissist!

How dare they try to tell him what to do with his hair!

You said it so much better than me.

I have teenage daughters and the amount of time i spend zoned out is unbelievable. I can't be arsed with the petty drama as an adult im surprised op dd is 22 i live in hope that my girls grow out their drama queen phase well before this.

Definitely not what narcissistic means so whatever it is it's not that.

Right back at you.

I’d really like my DS’s girlfriend and her Mum to respect my DS. To understand that he is an entirely independent person who can make decisions that they disagree with.

Respect for your DD extends to accepting her personal autonomy, it doesn’t mean the boy has to hand over his own.

Your opinion on this is wild. I’d be advising my DS to run a mile.

Do your father and husband just do everything you and your mother tell them to? Because that’s really unhealthy.

Again with the weird, self-entitled logic.

Why the actual fuck would ANYONE change their plans for a haircut due to the UTTERLY IRRELEVANT opinion of friends?

Do you swing by for a chat with the girls before going to the salon?!

No, you don't!

THIS. BOY. HAS. NOT. DISRESPECTED. YOUR. DAUGHTER. IN. ANY. WAY. BY. HAVING. AGENCY. OVER. HIS. OWN. HAIR!!

Get a fucking GRIP!

The more we hear, the more I hope this lad swerves your DD going forward.

I would hate my son to be with someone so entitled or with a family backing their batshittery!

It’s his hair. It’s completely his choice what he chooses to do with this. What an odd response to a hair cut OP.

How is getting his hair cut not respecting her?

I’m protective of my children too- this situation does not demand you to be protective!

I still can’t connect the dots together on how his male brain could think that a buzz cut after hearing negative opinions would be the right move and how his new haircut is better than the old one?

Ermm because he wanted a buzz cut.
Simple as that.

Buzz cuts are attractive to most people.
If your DD doesn’t like it, then so what.
There will be things about DD that he doesn’t like.

How do you cope in life if you constantly need others peoples approval on things?

Step away from your DS friendships and relationships.

I actually think you’re the teenage DD which is why you’re so invested and upset that the boy you like has done something that you said you don’t like.

That's exactly the kind of thing narcissists do, very particularly covert narcissists. I was married to one for years. You have to know one to spot this stuff.

It's more than likely he just glazed over and didn't actually hear a word that was said......he's a man.

Waaaaaaaay too over invested in your 22 year old’s life!

You are diagnosing narcissism solely on the basis that the lad chose a haircut the girl he’s casually seeing doesn't like?

Oh my.

Do you have a partner?

Absolutely! Boys have protective mothers too, and if my DS was being dictated to by his female friends to the extent her mother was getting involved in his own bodily autonony I would advise him to stay well away. She is just a friend. So they shag occasionally. If he's no longer attractive to her then she doesn't have to shag him.

🤣 yes, this is the defintion of woman hating.

Man gets haircut that women haven’t previously approved. It’s exactly the kind of shit the suffragettes were campaigning against.

Body autonomy is a thing.

He can do whatever he likes with his hair. Just because your daughter doesn't like it, so what. Maybe he's not easily influenced. It's a hair cut. Hair grows.