Should I accept proposal if I've never met his daughters?

[ZanySheep]

We have talked about marriage although bf is still going through his divorce. 3.5 years in, we live together with my kids (they call him step dad) he's met everyone on my side we are very very happy . His ex has said to him I will never be a part of their dd's lives (19&21yrs) still I have never met them because of this . They were living together when we met. They are still married going thru divorce. I have a feeling he will propose when divorce comes through.. my question is should I say yes if I've never met his girls ? I've met his parents , some friends. They live local he sees them every week , gives them money still . He's a brilliant dad . What are everyone's thoughts ?..

19 and 21 is still young and all this started 3.5 years ago, they were children then? And sleeping on the bedroom floor was he? Personally, I’d take that with a pinch of salt but even if it’s true.…why didn’t he just respectfully end the relationship rather than falling into someone else’s vagina? And your utter dismal of “he may have told them a few lies back then” shows a breathtaking lack of emotional intelligence.

This^

Omg 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂

If he proposes and you want to marry him then do it!

The daughters will be more likely to want to meet you when they see how serious he must be about you to want to make you his next wife.

However be aware that leopards very rarely change all their spots. If another woman takes your man there is no better revenge than letting her keep him.

Agree. One thing MN has shown me is no matter how much of a lying cheating POS scumbag cocklodger a man is, there’s always a woman willing to put a roof over his head no matter the disruption to her kids lives

I don't think his daughters would think 'my father wants to sign a legal document with his current lover, to get half her assets 😍 now I can't wait to meet her!'
More like 'nah, I'm good thanks'.

His children are adults. If they wanted to meet you they would.

I suspect he is putting the blame on his ex to avoid telling you his children hate you and will never want anything to do with you.

If you marry him, what do you think will happen?

I would insist he talks to his kids about their feelings and is honest with you about their response.

If he does propose, dont think that being married to him will change anything.

Don't start expecting his kids to get over it or like you.

Don't start demanding things change now you're married, eg his daughters accept you

If you marry him, do it expecting nothing more than you already have.

Anything more will be a bonus

Thing is @ZanySheep people are you giving you the responses you don’t em to like as you are entirely filing to acknowledge that you got together with a married man who was still with his wife. If they had split up first it would still have been hard but his wife and daughters wouldn’t have had to experience that he cheated and left them, that ales him a bad egg. But no, to answer your specific question getting married without meeting his daughters AND knowing everything is broadly ok would be stupid and put you in lives for a lifetime of complications and drama (or easteneders, as you seem to prefer).

So he sees them regularly and helps them - thats the bare fucking minimum, hardly amazing.

I can only hope his children have higher standards than you do.

Exactly.

I mean if my dad had of ended up with his OW she would never have been invited to my wedding. Hell would freeze over before she would meet my children.

I mean my dad would have been border line for either to he honest but guilt would have probably tipped me into inviting him. Her how ever I would have owed zero to. The same way she owed zero to us and my mam.

Swings and roundabouts and all that and a bonus being Im adult so I get to choose.

Just like other adults get to chose to have affairs, lie and manipulate. Because they are "loves of each other's life".

Funny that how choice and free will is a problem when you arent the beneficiary of the decisions.

No, you can’t marry him. It sounds a bit too soon if he hasn’t even divorced his ex yet

sureky a good dad would want his daughters approval?

I know. It is insane that the most basic things that a parent does can ever be listed as why they are amazing.

By parent I mean dad of course.

You never read or hear a mum being described as amazing because she's there for her kids when they need her and she gives them money and if a mum tried to say how fantastic they were because they did those things they would get their arse handed to them with a meat thermometer up the arsehole and a flag on the end that reads Roasted.

He 'may have told a few lies' is classic but won't work in Court. At least the OP knows he has form as she says 'I do'

Let's not forget 'just friends' or 'open marriage' Like tick box options for a philanderer.

Yep and this amazing dad left the family home and quickly moved in with another woman and her kids, who call him stepdad - but his own kids have never even met OP and do not even have a bedroom in his new home.
Yet he’s still planning on asking her to marry him.

Apparently, driving your kids places makes you an amazing dad.

I can’t believe OP isn’t embarrassed to write down the things she’s saying.
Her family and friends must think she’s such an idiot.
I bet they can’t stand him.

No you're not I never said that. I said you will be back in a few years whining about him.
You wanted peoples thoughts and they have told you quite bluntly but as you want to carry on regardless of the warnings, crack on.

Or ;
'we lead separate lives'
'the marriage has been dead for years'
'it's a marriage in name only'
'I'm planning to leave when - The kids finish school/I get a promotion/when she agrees to a divorce/ when I get an inheritance from my auntie/when my wife has had her hysterectomy.....'

Big yawn...

With the help of the inheritance act 1975 he could easily walk away with a big chunk of what should have gone to OPs children regardless of a will.

And then presumably pass it on to the daughters OP has yet to meet.

Exactly. Remarrying when you pre-existing children is a minefield. Especially if you decide to marry an already proven dishonest man.

Sorry to disappoint you but the genuinely love him he's the best

Agree with this

He was in a unhappy marriage must have been bad for him to decide to leave that's hardly a crime

But he didn't leave did he, until he met you and had your home to go to, after a short stint with his parents.

Sure. The key is to divorce, work on himself, heal, help his daughters through this upheaval. Then date.
He failed to do any of this. You know what you are signing up for if you sign a marriage contract with him.