Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

[Wrongsideof50]

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

Oh they’ll be used to this Op moaning at them. The DD prob expects her mum to be in a grump tomorrow

I've read your OP and first reply. Wow! You asked opinions and I'm fairly sure you were certain of the replies...except you got the truth, rather than a load of posts roasting your poor DD.
I will only have one of my three adult DCs and DH with me tomorrow. DH and I no longer have our mums. It's my DIL's Birthday and another is at University and doesn't get holiday until next week. Did I moan? No, I've arranged another date to celebrate and was thrilled when two bouquets of flowers and cards arrived today from the two who won't be with us.

OP specifically asked 'am i being ungrateful'. The majority of voters say 'yes', and some people have told her so in the comments. She says in OP that she has bought rolls specifically so the daughter will make them tomorrow. How exactly is she going to do that without letting her real feelings out, that the shop bought ones were an insult to her sensitivities?

My DC bought me an old fashioned wide brim sun hat one year. I have never, in all my life, asked for one. Their reason was that I have pale skin and they wanted to keep me safe in the sun. That was such a precious thought.

In this case, DC asked her mum what she'd like, bought it all with dad, and thinks she's got it right and mum will be overjoyed! How could anyone nit pick that attempt at something so sweet?

With the implication that she would have to clean up after them? This just gets worse and worse.

So you want your daughter to make life harder for herself to prove to you, you’re worth it?
And you are disappointed that she has made things easier so you’ve rejected her attempts and bought her a less easy way of doing it so she will have to work harder to meet your approval.

You’ll be back here when she grows up saying, your daughter doesn’t bother at all with you and you’ll have no idea that it’s because you are hard work and nothing is good enough so she doesn’t bother anymore.

Do you actually think after this she’ll enjoy sitting down to eat it with you knowing what she bought you sits in the fridge cast aside because it’s not good enough.

YABVU and very ungrateful.

89% of people think you’re being unreasonable @Wrongsideof50 - doesn’t that give you ANY insight into how poorly you’re behaving?! Because you still seem to be trying to justify your petulance!

Wow, OP you'd really hate the scribbled on piece of A4 paper I get instead of a handcrafted card 🤣

Not an unexpected reply coming from you. Instead of considering my points regarding vagueness and the fact it was all only a suggestion both contributed to OP not getting exactly what she expected although it does in fact meet the remit she recalls saying, you go for a personal attack. Have a lovely Mother’s Day.

But she wasn’t vague. What part of I asked them to make sandwiches and rolls is vague?

You are so fixated on not being wrong that you refuse to see what’s in black and white.

Unique way to interpret the obvious mention that a kitchen gets messy when you cook, but it tracks with your other posts.

The pressure. Poor DD

If it gets messy, why would that be OP’s problem?

If I were you I'd do the following;

Keep the things you bought out of sight and don;t mention them.
Eat the sandwiches your daughter has taken the time & care to choose with a smile on your face
Thank her for going to the trouble
If you're still very unhappy and really cannot hold it in have a quiet word with your DH later on when your DD is in bed and express that while you appreciated the effort you were a little upset that they ignored your request for freshly made sandwiches.

lol, that’s why I’m the one quoting the OP and you are merely paraphrasing after omitting what doesn’t fit. I’m not the one fixated on being right.

Giving your dh the benefit of he doubt does he maybe lack imagination regarding the sandwich fillings? Perhaps he thought M&S could do sandwiches with nicer fillings than he could come up with. I understand making everything from scratch is important to you if that is how your meals are prepared but I honestly think they have still done a nice thing for you. They may have spent some time choosing all the food they thought you would like so I think perhaps a lot of thought did go into it. It's just not the way you would have done things

That reminds me of the year one of my siblings completely forgot Mothers day until he arrived at mums house (God knows what reason he thought we were all trooping round for lunch was) and in desperation picked her some flowers from her own garden.

Mum recognised them straight away and burst out laughing. To this day she says it was one of her favourite presents!

I already quoted once for you, you seem to have a short memory.

What’s your plans for Mother’s Day @nomas

i am praying that if you had children… they’ve pulled out all the stops!

Did you buy any fillings for the rolls? Or just rolls?

If I was you, my problem here wouldn’t be whether the sandwiches are home made or not. I’d be more bothered that I had to spell out exactly what I wanted. I’d prefer my partner and child to think of something together as more of a surprise for me.

Again, what does that have to do with OP?

Why would it be OP’s problem? You tell me. Those are your weird inferences.

They asked what you would like and are doing that. I don't really think the spirit of Mothers Day is to dictate the exact delivery terms of your request, or to "correct" then for not being good enough by buying your own ingredients.

You left off a large part of it. I’d already quoted OP in full before you replied with a heavily edited version.

Uh oh

YANBU OP.

We always cook from scratch, and all my teens know that I am not particularly keen on ready-made or pre-prepared food. They would know that if I suggested they prepare an afternoon tea as a special treat that would absolutely mean handmade, with good bread. I would have zero interest in ready made M&S sandwiches.

It sounds more like this is a DH problem though - that your DD has gone along with his alternative suggestion, presumably because made because it was less effort for him.

For those of you who think an M&S sandwich is equivalent to a handmade one - are you saying that if you went to a pub with a reputation for good quality homemade food, you'd be perfectly delighted if they served you a sandwich from a packet? Come on!