Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

[Wrongsideof50]

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

For my DC going to M&S and picking sandwiches they thought I'd like would take so much more thought and effort than putting something together at home so I'd appreciate it even more

Why's she childish? She's disappointed are people not allowed to feel that way?

A bit disappointed? She said she was “gutted”

Cooking from scratch is a choice you make.

As soon as you went out and bought her things to make you did show her exactly what you think of her choices

My experience is that kids who are brought up in homes where everything is made from scratch either do the same or the opposite. One of my friends was the kind who had only the healthiest, home made food - her daughter was obsessed with getting hold of fast food like McDonald's. It can all backfire.

She said she was gutted and was so disappointed she had to make a whole long ranting thread about it on mumsnet. For the wrong sandwiches.

Do you not think though when you're repeatedly doing things and going above and beyond for people it's a bit annoying when they don't do it in return. Don't get me wrong I'd be happy with a sandwich from m&s. My kids and I are very partial to a co-op meal deal 😂 but it's probably more to do with hubby not following through with going all out and he's probably a bit slack in other areas of the marriage. That's what I take from this anyway. I don't think it's nice for people to come on saying oh your poor daughter when we know nothing about these people.

Yeah and allowed to ask AIBU, but then when people tell her she is, she accuses them of “tearing her down”

I mean.. come on!

As a guy, here here. This is most sensible and well thought out logical response on here. To cater to your point, this extends to all types of relationships in my opinion not just Mothers Day or Fathers Day or any type of recognition Day. You've said it for what it is not obligation tied to just one day. Love is not blind. It's about being mindful throughout years and can be reciprocated in many forms. Whole thing is just transactional.

Yes but sometimes the replies are very over the top and it's a bit annoying when the replies keep coming. I think she's got the hint.

Wow mom. Of course you’re in the wrong. I also cook from scratch and I’d hope my kids have picked up this good habit but that’s beside the point. You wanted quite an elaborate effort by a 13 yo who tried to provide a nice selection of sandwiches without buying several different breads, fillings & salads. What an absolute waste of food. When you can buy a pack of 3 mini sandwich’s with a variety of different fillings and breads as a one of treat for her mom. You should be grateful that not only did she come and ask what you wanted she had an invested dad to help facilitate that for her and you. You wish to teach her cook from scratch but fail to prioritise gratitude. I hope you didn’t show you were pissed off because that probably made her feel somewhat shitty. Maybe read the room how many posts have I seen today where a mom got fuck all,

This pure speculations to the slack dad. The OP does not go above and beyond in her from-scratch cooking (unless the slack dad has a gun to her head). She does it because she wants to.

The OP has had 27 pages to drip feed give us backstory but hasn't done so.

Delete as website glitched a failed to quote post

So…. You want a limit on comments that don’t go OPs way?

Really?

Why?

That’s mumsnet though isn’t it. People post, other people reply based on the information given. They have asked for an opinion on whether they are BU, they will get a whole range of responses to that. You are also making assumptions that this is some above and beyond mum but none of us really know what any of them are like!

If there were 27 pages of approving thumbs up for her, would that be too much?

The perils of starting a thread on AIBU.

Well I didn't read it and think it was that deep. But this thread has been on all day and she's probably sick of the notifications. The problem with mumsnet is people get very personal and it's a bit annoying. OP hasn't given any background info because she probably can't be bothered now it's been and gone. We live and learn though. Next year I wouldn't bother asking for anything in particular and then if they do something nice it's a treat and nobody feels let down.

No but if everybody was in ageeement there probably wouldn't be as many replies anyway? I just find mumsnet very negative. Even on pages where people are asking about outfits or dresses somebody has to pop up and say they don't like it 😂 why? I am new to mumsnet though and still getting used to the different people on here as it's very different to the groups you get on other platforms such as Facebook. I was looking for some advice regarding my ex husband but I don't think I'll be posting anytime soon you get eaten alive on here.

But yet she's come on here seeking validation and approval of strangers who know nothing of her or her family for essentially showing her disappointment in open public forum at expense of creating a "bitch-fest" about her 13 year old daughter. What if the reaction was different and her 13 year old saw the post, then what? If that's her biggest disappointment to air on here, then I would say she's in pretty privileged position.

It reminds me of situation I was unsolicited to yesterday. I literally had to listen whilst picking out card for my Mum yesterday in Card Factory some woman airing very loudly her private business about her sister to her Mother over phone. Keep it private. Not sure why people feel need to do this.

You can be disappointed but its how you handle, channel and frame that disappointment. Coming onto Mumsnet just to vent her frustration clearly seeking justification like it was first world problem. The context of post just comes across as bit resentful and embittered simple because of efforts you exhudes rather than appreciate for fact they did something nice. For grown ass adult to act like you got hump over such ridiculous thing as sandwiches just feels entitlement.

The question wasn't am I being unreasonable for being disappointed, it was if am I for being ungrateful. Of which she is.

For the want of better word, the phrase "it's the thought that counts" springs to mind in any case wouldn't go amiss in this scenario.

But yet she's come on here seeking validation and approval of strangers who know nothing of her or her family for essentially showing her disappointment in open public forum at expense of creating a "bitch-fest" about her 13 year old daughter. What if the reaction was different and her 13 year old saw the post, then what? If that's her biggest disappointment to air on here, then I would say she's in pretty privileged position.

It reminds me of situation I was unsolicited to yesterday. I literally had to listen whilst picking out card for my Mum yesterday in Card Factory some woman airing very loudly her private business about her sister to her Mother over phone. Keep it private. Not sure why people feel need to do this.

You can be disappointed but its how you handle, channel and frame that disappointment. Coming onto Mumsnet just to vent her frustration clearly seeking justification like it was first world problem. The context of post just comes across as bit resentful and embittered simple because of efforts you exhudes rather than appreciate for fact they did something nice. For grown ass adult to act like you got hump over such ridiculous thing as sandwiches just feels entitlement.

The question wasn't am I being unreasonable for being disappointed, it was if am I for being ungrateful. Of which she is.

For the want of better word, the phrase "it's the thought that counts" springs to mind in any case wouldn't go amiss in this scenario.

Well she can

Turn off notifications

Deregister

Not ask AIBU

Not ask questions on AIBU that make get personal

Give background info that’s relative but maybe she can’t because she’s BU?

Just because you start a post, doesn’t mean YANBU!

she might have turned notifications off now that might be why she hasn't replied to people anyway. I do think people can be guilty of venting on here without giving too much away and then maybe realising after it was un-necessary but you can't delete threads can you?

Well there's a reason I avoid towns where there might be people 😂😂 my pet hate is loud mouths on the phone. Your replies are sensible though I do appreciate people have different opinions but it's when people post mean stuff over and over I just think. Is there any need? Not just this post I've seen a few and other people definitely feel the same

M&S posh prawn cocktail sandwich is a thing of beauty! And if they cut the crusts and put them either in triangles or little fingers then what's the difference in reality?

That plus egg and cress. Maybe ham and mustard and then one other filling they know you like?

You said you didn't expect home made scones and cakes.

I hope you enjoyed them anyway. I'm pretty sure I would.

Can I ask one thing…..

What about the BLT?