Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

[Wrongsideof50]

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

This. It is awful. So many people wanting to be in her position today (my BF’s mum passed away last week) and she is moaning about sandwiches. Makes me sick.
I am hoping this isn’t real.

This isn’t about low expectations. I do not understand how choosing ready made sandwiches as part of a whole afternoon tea set up equals a scandalous lack of effort. I would 100% buy ready done sandwiches for Father’s Day, I would find that more of a treat, no one in my house would try to turn that into something to moan about, but then we all like each other.

It is best to show how to give gratitude than to be super critical of your daughter. Try not to think in terms of what you are getting out of it or how much they are proving their love with their effort. It is the gesture that counts and responding to your requests in their own way.

Seriously? You need to get a grip!

You’re just annoyed that they didn’t follow your instructions and dared to do something different to what you wanted.Stop being controlling and let your child do what they want! I usually got flowers and bar of chocolate,it’s no big deal YABU

I would be secretly a little bit disappointed because I don’t like supermarket sandwiches very much, but I would outwardly enthuse about it and inwardly try really hard to just appreciate the sentiment.

Right!?!
Even my kids DF got it right this year because I told the kids, daffodils and galaxy minstrel mini eggs over and over again for about 30 seconds.

Daffodils are my preferred flower of choice for Mother's Day.
Last year...... TULIPS!!!?!?
Fucking tulips man 😅
I wasn't ungrateful, I did appreciate them.

Tulips!!!! Not daffodils!!!?!!

Well going on what OP says here:
'as a family we don’t eat ready meals, I make everything from scratch so hence my disappointment..anyone can make a decent sandwich and if you can’t even do that you need to work on your skills in my opinion..'

She even said she wasn't expecting them to bake (as she probably would have for them) but she thought they might make the effort to butter a bit of bread and put in some of the fillings she likes.

That would certainly be the mature and kind approach.

Oh don’t be so daft

Yeah, this is a woman happy to eat factory made sausage rolls.

Lucky you, I got nothing 😞

I'm so sad to read all this. Be grateful for what your daughter and husband have tried to do for you with love. Rather than criticising, praise your daughter and perhaps give her an idea as to what might make it better next year. For me, It has made my day that each of my three adult children have taken the time to call me.

Is that a Tom Odell song you're quoting, perhaps??!! 🙏

I'd be happy my kids did that much. Neither of mine even messaged. But I have had a fabulous meal out with a friend who calls me mum because I've looked after her in times of trouble and upset. Enjoy what you've got while you have it 😉

Unlike you. We won’t be tearing down your daughter.., maybe they should have done it for someone that appreciates it.

I think you could have tell your daughter taht you would like to go shopping for stuff and then make all this party food TOGETHER. That seem more appropriate way to spend a mothers day with your daughter.

Assuming the ready sandwiches idea comes from your husband.

Do you think they give a flying fuck if their cakes are home baked or shop bought?

Its Op that wants adulation for “cooking from scratch”

Careful OP you are not allowed to come on here and express any feeling of disappointment because if you do the mumsnet perfect parent brigade will barge their way in and knock you down a peg or two!! 😂😂 Why does everybody start saying they feel sorry for your daughter. Or how horrible of a mother she must be. You've literally read a paragraph about how she had high expectations and they didn't deliver. Big deal. Anyway I've just had a word with my next door neighbour and we've decided the OP deserves a 2 year prison sentence for that at least. Oh dear what a terrible parent you are OP complaining about a sandwich. Seriously get a life some of you!!

Dont be childish.

But don’t come on here asking AIBU then getting the arse when you’re told……

You are

She's probably a nice woman who's a bit disappointed. What's wrong with that? Surely It's better she vents on here rather than falling out with family? I don't get why people make it personal.

Congratulations, you're setting up earlier on in her adolescence upbringing by signalling and equating love with what I can get out of it and self worth tied up in those expectations and standards set.

While this may be easily tempered as unmatched expectations or medial overreaction, you've effectively denounced your teenager daughter that her efforts aren't good enough.

When taken in isolation you may think this is a lesson or not a "big deal" but potentially can be damaging over longer term as she develops into adulthood. She might always see your rejection and ungratefulness as cold hard rejection and might then always view disappointment of others when she does something nice very personally. What if she gets a boyfriend and then she treats him and he reacts in same way, what is she going to be triggered and have untimely unwanted reminder of, her Mother.

Kids aren't stupid, parents really dont know profound effect and weight of inertia effects that comes with responsibility on their reactions play in their child's emotional safety - positively and negatively.

People can say I'm being judgemental or harsh, but having seen my own parents treat me in this way, even at age 36 how your parents react to you or dismiss you fucking hurts and triggers you in ways you don't expect or can control.

They've probably had the sandwiches and forgotten all about it by now? If it's an isolated incident I doubt the daughter gives a toss. Why are people so deep on here ffs.

As childish as having a tantrum about sandwiches you mean?