Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

[Wrongsideof50]

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

I remember as a child giving DM a "scarf" as a Christmas present. I had made it myself from an offcut hem of my grandmother's electric turquoise, 100% polyester dressing gown, on to which I had glued silver sequins.

I am not sure that DM ever wore it, but she never so much as hinted that it was hideous or that she was in any way disappointed. I am sure I would still feel the pain of it 40 years later if she had.

@Wrongsideof50 you need to chill. My daughter made me a card and that’s all I need or want for Mother’s Day

Sorry, but you are an ungrateful brat. The best outcome would be for your DD to cancel the afternoon tea. You wanting to make everything from scratch does not make you special, and you shouldn't be expecting others to follow suit.

Why would you do that to your daughter ? Are things often not good enough for you ? Just horrible and self centred.

YABU.
“they could enjoy making them together”.
It sounds like you love cooking from scratch, but your husband and daughter do not. It’s the thought that counts, OP. Don’t let it spoil the memories of a lovely family day.

It's the thought that counts surely. Don't knock her down she's 13 and she's not you with all your experience. Most 13 year olds would just buy a card and a present - I've cherished all mine cos they're from DD.

Despite an above average familiarity with the English language I cannot think of the words that accurately describe how much of an ungrateful loon you are.

This thread has renewed my faith in mumsnet

Thank goodness the voting is so overwhelmingly of the view that the op is being unreasonable (aside from the odd couple of posters like @nomas who don’t have children themselves)

Your daughter is only 13 @Wrongsideof50 . You have enough time to make some serious changes in your own way of thinking and acting to avoid your daughter wanting very little to do with you once she has the opportunity to move out.

I hope my DH and DC realise how lucky they are that I don’t care about any of this nonsense. I don’t want cards, flowers or sandwiches and never have. I want them to treat me and everyone around them well every day of the year not just one.

It is not that your husband and child are “lucky”

it is that poor kids like the OP’s dd get the short straw

Yep 👍

are people really this nuts about Mother’s Day? Such odd expectations and demands.

In your own words, they are only sandwiches lol.

You make “everything” from scratch, really? So were you expecting them to bake the bread too? If not then there’s no difference.

ffs.

i haven’t RTFT so apologies if this has been said hundreds of times since I stopped reading the posts where people are defending your daughter

According to this post of yours, YOUR HUSBAND OVERRODE your daughter. “He suggested readymade”

And you are managing to make this about your DAUGHTER’s lack of effort?

Earlier on you say “I haven’t spoken to DH about this yet”

I suggest you wind your neck in and speak to your husband. If you want to blame anyone, blame him.

Honestly, your poor daughter.

I would accept the afternoon tea, unmodified, with good grace and recognise the lovely intention behind it. It may not be done the way you expected, and it sounds like that was down to your husband, but any buying of additional items is only going to be seen as a criticism. 'Mum's never happy'

You’ve said it yourself. They’re just sandwiches. You sound ungrateful and frankly immature and brat like because you’re getting what you asked for but still aren’t happy.

I understand where you're coming from with your expectations but at least she's thinking of you.

With that mind keep your disappointment to yourself.

That’s because people keep missing the gist of what the Ops saying and banging on about how nasty and demoralising she’s being to her 13 year old.
She’s not even been given the sodding tea yet.

Happy Mothers Day All

OP, you’re definitely being very unreasonable. But I hope they’ve got you the poached salmon sandwich from M&S, as it’s the food of the gods… That, on its own, would be enough for me 😀

Please don’t pull this passive aggrreseive shite when you know and they know you know they bought the sandiwches

snd I really hope you didn’t show any disappointment to your daughter or husband and can try to remember what Mother’s Day is about and realise you got lost;

👏 👏 👏

Can you imagine if the 13 year old daughter was so rude and ungrateful about something the OP did for her birthday?! I think she'd be furious if the tables were turned.

Obviously the OP is being unreasonable, but I can't believe how many people think that a fresh homemade sandwich isn't better than a pre-packaged one (even if it is from M&S). Baffling.

Life must be full of so much that baffle you @1000StrawberryLollies 🌺

I think most of us don't really think it matters, in the scheme of things. It's a one off and most parents would be happy, looking at the bigger picture, but obviously not the OP.