Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

827 replies

Wrongsideof50 · 14/03/2026 15:03

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

OP posts:
KaleQueen · 14/03/2026 22:41

Franpie · 14/03/2026 21:54

Ah, that’s so sweet ❤️

I remember when DS was little and he gave me a rare Pokémon card for Mother’s Day 💙

Show quote history

❤️ it’s what it’s all about.

user64788643122 · 14/03/2026 22:47

Ungrateful. You were very specific in what you wanted, and now annoyed they haven’t done it exactly right. It sounds lovely to me

NaomiTroll · 14/03/2026 22:49

What they’re doing sounds lovely I think, I reckon a lot of mothers would be lucky to get as much as a card tomorrow so I think you’re doing okay. Sort of understand if you’re not used to ready made stuff but I think it’s wonderful that they’re putting in the effort they have for you.

GrillaMilla · 14/03/2026 22:52

I think you sound v ungrateful.

I'd be more than happy with what's planned.

Please don't let your daughter see your disappointment, because that would be very cruel.

Shimmyshimmycocobop · 14/03/2026 22:53

Op "Am I being ungrateful?:
Mumsnet "yes"
Op " nobody understands "

Why do people post this stuff if they don't actually want feedback.

Rainagainandagain · 14/03/2026 22:53

I prefer homemade food.
I think it's just a bit of misunderstanding.
I think DD and DH thought ready made sandwiches would be a nice treat - especially M and S ones - something special for an occasion.
I think it's really cute sweet and caring of both DH and DD.
My ex liked us buying ready made sandwiches / cakes / platters for buffets, parties, guests etc from Morrisons Party food as they use ''nicer bread'' and ''nicer fillings'' that are different to homemade sandwiches.. he said they somehow taste better??

Ilovemsrachel · 14/03/2026 23:03

You know, I have a vivid memory of my mum not liking a pair of earrings I got her when I was four, and how sad and guilty I felt about the gift not landing. My mum was absolutely lovely about them but I somehow picked up on them not being what she would usually wear. I can still picture the earrings now. I chose them because they were pretty and I thought she was pretty.

If I remember that reaction on my mum’s part - and she really was nice - then your kid is definitely going to remember your lack of gratitude about the afternoon tea. Just something to bear in mind. She probably thought she was really treating you with M&S’s finest offerings 😢

Ilovemsrachel · 14/03/2026 23:07

Arran2024 · 14/03/2026 20:11

My adult daughter has a moderate learning disability. She buys me stuff for Mother's Day like photo frames that say "mummy and me". It wouldn't be my choice but it comes from her heart. I think you should look more at her intention rather than the actual food.

My disabled sibling does the same. Like a cup that says “I love you to the moon and back” or a pink sparkling photo frame that says “sister.” None of it is my taste but they are my most precious things because they were chosen by a person who loves me (and can’t say that with words)

Caitl995 · 14/03/2026 23:13

I think the fact that you were preparing lunch together today shows me that you are a family that puts effort into meals and are more of an ingredients household. I think that changes things, I, for example would be happy with the pre-made but I absolutely think that perhaps there should have been a home made element to what they did for you considering you put in the effort for them and it seems you taught your daughter well. Especially after you made the suggestion in the first place! How much do they want from you? The suggestion and for you to be grateful that they used a knife and plates it up? I assume it came out of your joint acct as well. It’s not much of a treat is it? Considering they’ll be eating too 😂 I’m with you on this one OP. They could have done better. Wait and see what they serve you, they may surprise you. I would keep it very positive afterwards (as 13 is a tough age) “This is lovely, thank you so much. Did you make this from scratch? That means so much to me.” (before they say no) It might just make them realise that some of it should really have been more labour intensive without being blatantly upset.

wordler · 14/03/2026 23:14

I bet they got to M&S and thought that they were buying a special treat - because you always cook from scratch it would be a treat for you all to have some fancy M&S sandwiches.

sittingonabeach · 14/03/2026 23:16

Do not ask if they made it from scratch if you know they got it from M&S

Rafting2022 · 14/03/2026 23:21

Do you cook everything from scratch OP? You didn’t mention it.

outerspacepotato · 14/03/2026 23:24

This is lovely, thank you so much. Did you make this from scratch? That means so much to me.”

That's such a bless your heart passive aggressive bitch move and a great way to make her daughter feel like shit before the meal even starts.

Hey, maybe next year she'll do nothing because what she does is never good enough. Why even try?

RawBloomers · 14/03/2026 23:27

I would never show her or tell her that it’s not good enough

You went out and bought replacements, if that’s not a slap in the face for her I don’t know what is.

Caitl995 · 14/03/2026 23:29

outerspacepotato · 14/03/2026 23:24

This is lovely, thank you so much. Did you make this from scratch? That means so much to me.”

That's such a bless your heart passive aggressive bitch move and a great way to make her daughter feel like shit before the meal even starts.

Hey, maybe next year she'll do nothing because what she does is never good enough. Why even try?

Hopefully they won’t because it sounds like OP could make better for herself than what these 2 are serving her tomorrow 😂 and hopefully OP serves up some ready meals for a while, from M&S of course because they’re such a treat. And for Father’s Day, perhaps a meal deal from Tesco that they can all share.

outerspacepotato · 14/03/2026 23:37

Caitl995 · 14/03/2026 23:29

Hopefully they won’t because it sounds like OP could make better for herself than what these 2 are serving her tomorrow 😂 and hopefully OP serves up some ready meals for a while, from M&S of course because they’re such a treat. And for Father’s Day, perhaps a meal deal from Tesco that they can all share.

Show quote history

It sure beats that Pie of Spite you would serve your own young teen daughter.

How to make a memorable holiday, Part 1. Bitchspeak about what your kid bought for you. Buy replacements.

It won't be a good memory.

Thecomedyclub · 14/03/2026 23:45

Wrongsideof50 · 14/03/2026 15:03

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

You are ungrateful
and yes, I’ve read all the replies.

DanaScullysLegoHair · 14/03/2026 23:47

Caitl995 · 14/03/2026 23:13

I think the fact that you were preparing lunch together today shows me that you are a family that puts effort into meals and are more of an ingredients household. I think that changes things, I, for example would be happy with the pre-made but I absolutely think that perhaps there should have been a home made element to what they did for you considering you put in the effort for them and it seems you taught your daughter well. Especially after you made the suggestion in the first place! How much do they want from you? The suggestion and for you to be grateful that they used a knife and plates it up? I assume it came out of your joint acct as well. It’s not much of a treat is it? Considering they’ll be eating too 😂 I’m with you on this one OP. They could have done better. Wait and see what they serve you, they may surprise you. I would keep it very positive afterwards (as 13 is a tough age) “This is lovely, thank you so much. Did you make this from scratch? That means so much to me.” (before they say no) It might just make them realise that some of it should really have been more labour intensive without being blatantly upset.

Asking if it was made from scratch, knowing full well it wasn't would be a fucking awful thing to do to your own child.

OP, FGS, just accept it gratefully in the spirit it was intended. Your child loves you and wants to make you happy.

HoppityBun · 14/03/2026 23:49

RhododendronFlowers · 14/03/2026 18:44

So you'd be sad if your 13 year old daughter had planned, shopped and prepped a nice afternoon tea for you, but the presentation let it down? Seriously?

Show quote history

It’s an Olympic sport now, so obviously at the highest level, which the OP aspires to, you get marked down on presentation. Dedicated preparation and planning go into this and top performers such as the OP know only too well that it takes only a single slip to find yourself snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

It could be a curled sandwich, not enough kisses in the card, an insufficiently wide smile or, god forbid, a misaligned doily and the rest of the day will be mired in the depths of disappointment. And only another 365 days of planning, training and hints to bring us to the brink of the hope and expectation that will be Mother’s Fay 2027.

RhododendronFlowers · 14/03/2026 23:50

HoppityBun · 14/03/2026 23:49

It’s an Olympic sport now, so obviously at the highest level, which the OP aspires to, you get marked down on presentation. Dedicated preparation and planning go into this and top performers such as the OP know only too well that it takes only a single slip to find yourself snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

It could be a curled sandwich, not enough kisses in the card, an insufficiently wide smile or, god forbid, a misaligned doily and the rest of the day will be mired in the depths of disappointment. And only another 365 days of planning, training and hints to bring us to the brink of the hope and expectation that will be Mother’s Fay 2027.

Show quote history

😂

Aphroditesangel · 14/03/2026 23:51

You could look at it from the point of view that they thought you might like the M&S sandwich better ( they are very nice).

I think you should adjust your perspective and be grateful that they are making an effort. I think she could be very hurt if you are not suitably appreciative.

mellicauli · 15/03/2026 00:20

Maybe she's picked out some interesting fillings that she couldn'r recreate herself and thought you'd like? I do think you should be careful here.

Women are always socialised to "put in the effort" to make things nice for other people. Before you know it every December is sacrificed at the altar of Christmas shopping, planning, wrapping and cooking. So 1/12th of your freetime.Plus all the other efforts around people's birthdays. Mothers Day. Fathers Day. Valentine's Day. Pancake Day, Firework Night, Halloween, World Book Day, Easter..It's never ending,

Give your daughter permission to do something nice for something else but still put boundaries around how much of herself and her time she gives. To me that would be the ultimate Mother's Day gift you could give your daughter.

Rest assured my sons wouldn't dream of so much people pleasing. He'll be playing football tomorrow. Revising for his GCSEs. Talking to his friends.

TopazQuartz · 15/03/2026 00:30

Wrongsideof50 · 14/03/2026 15:19

Wow ok lots of ladies out today ready to tear me down! Yes I do think my DD could make just as good if not better sandwiches than M&S ..they are just sandwiches lol!
as a family we don’t eat ready meals, I make everything from scratch so hence my disappointment..anyone can make a decent sandwich and if you can’t even do that you need to work on your skills in my opinion..

Oh my word if you were my mother you'd be getting ready made M&S sandwiches forevermore.

Ungrateful. And what the heck does it really matter there are much bigger problems in the world.

Enigma54 · 15/03/2026 00:35

Are you having strawberry rolls, OP?

I love a good M&S sandwich, me. Smoked salmon and cream cheese.. delish! Come on, be grateful, enjoy and don’t be a moody Margaret!

Namechangerage · 15/03/2026 00:39

Caitl995 · 14/03/2026 23:29

Hopefully they won’t because it sounds like OP could make better for herself than what these 2 are serving her tomorrow 😂 and hopefully OP serves up some ready meals for a while, from M&S of course because they’re such a treat. And for Father’s Day, perhaps a meal deal from Tesco that they can all share.

Show quote history

Wow.

I can’t believe there are really people who think this deeply about a sandwich! Explains a lot…