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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

827 replies

Wrongsideof50 · 14/03/2026 15:03

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

OP posts:
Aslighthead · 14/03/2026 21:10

pinkstripeycat · 14/03/2026 21:04

That’s all better than nothing. It’s about the time you spend with your DD not what you’re eating.

One year my DH refused to help our young DC buy me a gift as his mother had died years before. He said he didn’t have a mum to celebrate with so he didn’t see why I should get to celebrate. When his mum was alive he never once got her a Mother’s Day card. He didn’t even know when Mother’s Day was!

This sounds like a very unhappy and loveless marriage @pinkstripeycat

KaleQueen · 14/03/2026 21:12

MyOliveStork · 14/03/2026 18:06

Been scrolling on MN on and off today and getting impression all the super bitchy, bored trolls are on today, looking to put people down and make them feel crap. Could they something nice or something helpful??? Nah, better to be completely nasty and snipe at strangers.
Just ignore them OP. They probably live alone and won’t have anyone visiting them tomorrow so making themselves feel better by insulting strangers.
And, no, this isn’t what MN is for or about. It has changed a lot over the last few years and isn’t really a very nice place anymore.

So you think it’s fine that she’s so upset about her M n S sandwiches that she’s made her displeasure passively aggressively clear to her 13 year old daughter? And anyone pointing this out is ‘super bitchy’?

ItsStillWork · 14/03/2026 21:14

Well it’s rare my husband even gets me anything for Mothers Day. He was brought up by a jevonahs witness and hasn’t been taught that it’s something you’re suppose to participate in.

my sister buys me stuff from the kids and my husband sees nothing wrong with that 😡

last year his uncle was questioning why he doesn’t get me anything and how it’s very unusual for my sister to do that role instead. He couldn’t see what the issue was.

KaleQueen · 14/03/2026 21:17

SALaw · 14/03/2026 19:09

Why do so many Mumsnetters completely lose their minds around Mother’s Day?! This couldn’t be less of a big deal.

It’s mad isn’t it. The way the OP
has gone on literally undermines ‘mothers day’. My husband is more bothered about it than me. I know I have a bag of v nice treats awaiting. However I’m more excited about the fidget spinner I know my youngest has got me as I expressed a passing interest in hers so she’s got me one as in her lovely little head that’s exactly what I want ❤️

sassyduck · 14/03/2026 21:18

YABU. How ungrateful!

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 14/03/2026 21:22

ohfourfoxache · 14/03/2026 15:04

I’d take Marks pre-made sandwiches over homemade any day

Same! Love supermarket sandwiches

Dimpledaisies · 14/03/2026 21:29

There's wars going on in the world. Say thank you for the effort christ! It's literally a sandwich.

Gingercar · 14/03/2026 21:31

Give them a chance, you haven’t even seen what they’ve come up with before you started grumbling! Not everyone is going to do things the same as you. Be gracious!

OneTipsyDreamer · 14/03/2026 21:31

I wouldn’t want a “meal deal” sandwich from a supermarket. They’re crap. Even M&S. Simply fresh homemade is way better

likeafishneedsabike · 14/03/2026 21:35

If this was my biggest worry on a Saturday, I would count myself a very lucky woman. I can only hope that they got the salmon and cream cheese sandwich from M+S as it is BANGING.

ForGreyGoose · 14/03/2026 21:35

You sound very ungrateful tbh with extremely high expectations. They have done exactly as you have asked but just executed your wishes differently. Wtaf are you expecting? Way too much time on your hands overthinking this. Do you make bread from scratch and hand knit jumpers for Fathers day? I'll be happy with a few daffodils and a hug tomorrow.

DragonsAndDaffs · 14/03/2026 21:40

I hate ready made sandwiches but I would smile and thank my dd. It sounds like a misunderstanding.
My dd is 20 and we share a love of home made food, she hates ready made sandwiches as much as me.
Give your dd a few years.

Xmasbaby11 · 14/03/2026 21:42

It doesn't sound too bad - main thing would be if they choose the flavours of sandwiches and cakes that they know you like. I think because the idea came from you, not your DD and DH, they clearly didn't think it through. They probably got to M and S and thought, oh look, they've got all these nice sandwiches as well as sausage rolls etc, so we may as well just buy them!

I hope they made good choices, make it look fancy and you enjoy your afternoon tea together OP!

Daygloboo · 14/03/2026 21:45

ohfourfoxache · 14/03/2026 15:04

I’d take Marks pre-made sandwiches over homemade any day

Definitely

Daygloboo · 14/03/2026 21:48

FeistyFrankie · 14/03/2026 15:33

Pre-made sandwiches taste awful. I'm with you OP - it comes across as lazy and unbothered. How is your DP in general?

Maybe they'd make shit sandwiches though. Yes, i agree with ppl on here. You sound like a prima donna. Im glad you're not my mum.

mondaytosunday · 14/03/2026 21:53

I’d be happy with pre made sandwiches! They can still cut them up for the bougie look.

Franpie · 14/03/2026 21:54

KaleQueen · 14/03/2026 21:17

It’s mad isn’t it. The way the OP
has gone on literally undermines ‘mothers day’. My husband is more bothered about it than me. I know I have a bag of v nice treats awaiting. However I’m more excited about the fidget spinner I know my youngest has got me as I expressed a passing interest in hers so she’s got me one as in her lovely little head that’s exactly what I want ❤️

Ah, that’s so sweet ❤️

I remember when DS was little and he gave me a rare Pokémon card for Mother’s Day 💙

ImFinePMSL · 14/03/2026 21:55

I’m so glad and lucky you aren’t my mother.

Alittlewordinyourear · 14/03/2026 21:56

I bought an M&S sandwich today and it was sell by 16th March

Namechangerage · 14/03/2026 22:14

You asked for opinions. I think you are being ungrateful.

Serenitymummy · 14/03/2026 22:17

And you suggested they could enjoy making them together tomorrow. Maybe they don't enjoy cooking/preparing food from scratch the way that you do? I love to cook but if my 13yo kid was making me something I wouldn't be so fussy if they cut a few corners to make it easy on themselves to get the end result you wanted. You're being a bit of a brat about it. But I don't think you wanted to hear that anyway, you're telling the people that disagree with you that they're wrong!

Notfeelinguptoit · 14/03/2026 22:18

Wow, your poor daughter!
I bet she was really proud of herself going out and picking all the little bits for tomorrow!
And maybe, just maybe your husband and daughter thought the M&S sandwiches would be a lot nicer then soggy homemade ones!

Totally ridiculous reaction and if you tell them tomorrow to make you real sandwiches your just an absolute arse!

I would absolutely kill to be treated like this for Mother’s Day, I’ll be lucky to even get a card!

Wildgoat · 14/03/2026 22:32

Wonder if the op is coming back or she is sitting thinking about how mich more she can demand,

there is a thread on here about what you want for Mother’s Day, I was dismayed when I it but heartened to see so many answers about cuddles, home made cards etc, not one person went as far as the op, dictating the ingredients for a tea, then sending them shopping then being gutted as she wants them to stand and make the sandwiches, that shop bough isn’t good enough for her.

when did it stop being about time with her family for her, and all about how much effort she could put them to,

it’s just tragic that people behave like this,

Mangoandbroccoli · 14/03/2026 22:34

Why ask if you’re being ungrateful / unreasonable if you clearly have no interest in anything other than people pandering to you? You’ve received over 2000 votes with 91% of people saying you’re being unreasonable and instead of saying ‘ok, thanks for the perspective that I asked for’, you’re still arguing the toss…

GoldenCupsatHarvestTime · 14/03/2026 22:34

SummerFeverVenice · 14/03/2026 16:40

Nice one. I’ll tell that to my DH the next time he moans about doing dinner menu and the food shop by himself. All he has to do is put stuff in a trolley and then put it on a plate the next day. No thought or effort involved, such that even if a 13yr old child did it, I’d consider it a low bar of effort.

Edited

If your husbands dinners consist of buying the food and plonking it on a plate then yes that’s no effort.,, presumably you cook the dinner in between which the DD has avoided doing by buying premade.