Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

[Wrongsideof50]

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

It does sound like you’re just choosing to be unhappy.

We don’t do ready meals but I couldn’t get worked up about pre-packaged sandwiches from M&S.

Thought has gone into it. You’ve not even seen what they got yet and you’re already complaining.

You can choose to be happy, you know. You can decide right now that you’re going to be pleased they made an effort to go to the shops and put a little spread on for you and have a lovely day with them.

Or…. you can get all worked up, play the victim, bitch about them on MN and be thoroughly miserable with your lot tomorrow. It’s entirely up to you.

It's most unattractive, isn't it. I think I'd be rather embarrassed and ashamed.

My adult daughter has a moderate learning disability. She buys me stuff for Mother's Day like photo frames that say "mummy and me". It wouldn't be my choice but it comes from her heart. I think you should look more at her intention rather than the actual food.

What is the point? You may as well just do it yourself.

Gosh, that's really thoughtful of them to go out, buy nice sandwiches (M&S!) - took time out to do this for you. Maybe just me, but I would certainly prefer nice sarnies over the ones kids/husband would make at home.

This sounds really kind and thoughtful of them. I would love to be treated to shop bought. Personally, I think it's nice your husband is showing her it's a great idea to buy her mum something fancy - shows daughter you're worth a bit of time, effort and money.

Enjoy your lovely lunch with them and don't let your daughter know you feel like this - she might have really thought about what to buy you.

I just want to know what the OP expects her daughter to make with rolls and strawberries.

I’ve not heard that phrase in a while!
Put to good use here.

I think this is another example of having certain standards and ideas on what's good and what you like and then other people like your DH etc not having the same standards. Nothing wrong with being different - it's about adapting your mindset to understand that people show care in different ways.

They went out shopping and probably took a while choosing some lovely things for your lunch. It wasn't exactly what you wanted - but they are not you and you are not them. Perhaps your DH thought it would be a treat to have M&S sandwiches rather than making them from home - my DH would exactly think this.

I feel you will forever have disappointments in life if you expect other people to think the same way as you and to expect your own standards and preferences to be met by other people who are not wired the same as you.

Enjoy those sandwiches tomorrow!

I understand that you wanted sweat blood and tears efforts, sandwiches made with love as you do for the meals that they eat.
But if you expect others to do the same as you, you're heading down Disappointment Lane.

Your ideal is for them to make it together, to them they are making it together.

If it bothers you that much then ask DH why he couldn't be bothered to make them himself but otherwise, please enjoy your M&S afternoon cream tea and appreciate the effort they have gone to.

My now ex DP has actually got it right this year. I've seen what I asked for.
Daffodils and galaxy mini eggs 😍

The went out to the higher end supermarket and picked out items they thought youd enjoy and planned to present them the way you want and youre whinging.

YABU and ungrateful

OP posts in IABU, citing her terms, then pisses and moans when PP respond addressing those terms.

YABVVU.

Speaking as someone who cooks from scratch and doesn't buy ready meals, you are behaving like an utter ingrate.

This is crazy! How is eating actual real food miserable?
I get ultra processed bread and fillings are designed to be “tasty” but they aren’t for the dad or teenager. It sounds like it would have been obvious Op wouldn’t like them.

I'm going to get breakfast in bed but it will just be tea and toast. I'm perfectly happy with that!

I'm also completely bemused by this. Afternoon tea is a really lovely mother's day treat for them to organize for you (and an excellent suggestion on your part) and shop bought everything in this context is perfect. M&S sandwiches are delicious - have you never tried them? What an old fusspot you are.

You asked for opinions and are now moaning about the ones you don’t like..
your daughter is 13 and your husband went to the effort of taking her and picking things, lots of people would kill for that. Check yourself, life could be much, much worse. Enjoy your day, hope your daughter does too, don’t spoil it.

This is why I hate Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day and the like
forced love and effort, guilt and unmet expectations I can’t stand it
i am happy and beyond grateful to have 3 sons who love me (I hope) every day of the year, I don’t need Mother’s Day to prove that

Agree

OP: AIBU?
MN: yes.
OP: but I’m not!

Perhaps your DH and DD thought buying sandwiches would mean they get to spend more time with you instead of slaving away in the kitchen?

You're ungrateful.
It's the thought that counts. You sound controlling.

Put yourself back in your box. Get a grip. Did you expect them to bake the bread as well?

I am guessing in a few years time you will be wondering why your daughter doesn’t invite you to anything or do anything nice for you with your attitude.

That’s all better than nothing. It’s about the time you spend with your DD not what you’re eating.

One year my DH refused to help our young DC buy me a gift as his mother had died years before. He said he didn’t have a mum to celebrate with so he didn’t see why I should get to celebrate. When his mum was alive he never once got her a Mother’s Day card. He didn’t even know when Mother’s Day was!

You can't dictate what they get for you. They've done something nice for you and it would be ungrateful to not appreciate it just because it's not what you had in mind.

The daughter will end up a regular on the stately homes thread