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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

827 replies

Wrongsideof50 · 14/03/2026 15:03

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

OP posts:
SALaw · 14/03/2026 19:09

Why do so many Mumsnetters completely lose their minds around Mother’s Day?! This couldn’t be less of a big deal.

Vartden · 14/03/2026 19:10

Criticise too much and she won't want to do it again will she?

twohotwaterbottles · 14/03/2026 19:13

Please don't indicate any disappointment or criticism tomorrow. Your daughter will be gutted. Just smile and be genuinely grateful they've done something nice for you. It sounds lovely 🤩

User0311 · 14/03/2026 19:14

Ungrateful I wouldn’t be bothered in the slightest. I’d be happy with just a card and a hug off my children

RhododendronFlowers · 14/03/2026 19:16

SALaw · 14/03/2026 19:09

Why do so many Mumsnetters completely lose their minds around Mother’s Day?! This couldn’t be less of a big deal.

Oh my god, so true! Sometimes I just got a card. Fine with me, my kids still got a thanks and a hug.
Crazy.

Youllnevergetabetterbitofbutteronyourknife · 14/03/2026 19:16

You know what? My mum died 15 years ago and I'd do absolutely anything to spend tomorrow with her. I used to spoil her rotten, but even if I happened to get something for her that she didn't really want, you know what she'd do? She'd act like it was the best thing she'd ever received in her life, I'd never have known. She always made me feel so special and that's what I'll always remember. Be grateful for what you have for you don't know how long life will bless you!!

Bethany83 · 14/03/2026 19:17

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Good that you know to pretend to your daughter that you are happy with it. It was sweet that she asked you want you want, you told her and she has gone with that (albeit not exactly how you had hoped) I really don't mean to sound bitter here but if this is such a big deal for you that you have posted on mumsnet about it then you can't have any problems going on in your life, which is good. Life is a rollercoaster for us all. And one thing I have learnt is just be happy when you can be, while life is stable and good, treasure it, don't get upset about something like this. Sometimes we do need to keep a bit of perspective.

Pricelessadvice · 14/03/2026 19:18

My mum has always said she’d be happy with just a hug and a cuppa on Mother’s Day. When did Mother’s Day become such a grabby, demanding thing?

BoogieTownTop · 14/03/2026 19:18

I remember my young sons asking me, mum what would you like for Mother’s Day…

A pebble from the beach, I got one from each, they painted them as well, although younger sons was completely black 🤣 he was going through that era!

Topoftherange · 14/03/2026 19:20

Mother’s Day is just a massive retail holiday like all the other forced upon us celebrations. I just could not get worked up about something like this and I’m far from a laid back person. Ffs, a sandwich is a sandwich.

Hopefully the afternoon tea will turn out to be very pleasant op……just let it go.

Seagullsandsausagerolls · 14/03/2026 19:23

I love a sandwich from Marks... 😂

I bought mum a made up afternoon tea from a local restaurant several years ago. Was it less effort, probably but it meant less time faffing in the kitchen preparing, washing dishes, pots and trays and more time for us having a good laugh at the table.

The time spent together having a giggle and being there with less distractions, well that's the gift to treasure.

AnotherHormonalWoman · 14/03/2026 19:23

Wrongsideof50 · 14/03/2026 16:16

Thanks to all of those who “get it”…for the others that think I want you to tear into my daughter you couldn’t be more wrong! I wasn’t asking you all to do that!! ..my husband took her shopping, she said to buy rolls to make posh sandwiches, he suggested ready made.. they know we cook from scratch and therefore I don’t think it’s too much to ask..it’s one day a year! Ready made supermarket sandwiches are not nice in my opinion and I would never normally eat them.

Equally, it's one day a year to eat a ready made sandwich when all the sandwiches on all of the other 364 days are homemade ones.

Fun tangential fact. Delia Smith's husband used to play for a local cricket club. She used to take her turn with a number of other wives on the rota to make the teas (if you aren't familiar with them, a cricket tea is essentially like an afternoon tea for both the home and away team players, and is a Whole Thing that clubs and leagues take very seriously indeed). When it was her turn, she made all the cakes herself but would buy the sandwiches from M&S, because she reasoned it was the least important and interesting part of a cricket tea. Her teas were legendary and all of the league officials would try to time their visits to that particular club for when it was her turn 😆

So I hope you can smile that you're in good company with Delia Smith 🙂

I don't think putting together an afternoon tea from entirely shop bought things is a shoddy effort. My mum has sent me afternoon teas (from a company) through the post, and she lives 10 minutes away from me 😄I've taken her out to afternoon tea at the garden centre etc. This year me and my DD have put together a gift bag of a few things that her Nanny likes to take to her tomorrow, along with a beautiful bunch of flowers from Aldi. I really hope she doesn't secretly think we are being low effort or lazy because it's all bought and none of it home made this year (it's pot luck if I or DD have inspiration and the time to make something.) My mum values home made things very much (as do I), but we don't worry if nothing is homemade on any given occasion.

I really do think this is a non-issue. if I bought somebody M&S Sandwiches as part of an afternoon tea, I would think I was doing something nice for that person, a bit posh and fancier for them than what I would put inside a sandwich if I was making it myself. They probably thought that you always making them yourself was exactly the reason why you might like posh shop bought ones for a special occasion. They misjudged, but please don't think it's laziness on their behalf, I would put good money on the intention being that it would be a nice treat for you, not laziness on their behalf.

I'm also strongly of Delia's opinion that the sandwiches are the least interesting thing in an afternoon tea anyway, so even though you don't really like ready made sandwiches, I don't see why them not being homemade should negatively impact your enjoyment of the whole tea. I think whatever fillings they have bought you, they're still likely to be more interesting than the standard ham, egg mayo, and cream cheese and cucumber that our favourite restaurant puts on their delicious afternoon teas. As I say, least interesting part of the tea!

2O26 · 14/03/2026 19:26

When I visit London, I look forward to eating M&S prawn sandwiches. They have a couple of different ones with prawn and have tried both. So much better than homemade sandwiches.

DuchessofStaffordshire · 14/03/2026 19:35

You do sound ungrateful and I would be disinclined to make an effort for you in the future

Summerhut2025 · 14/03/2026 19:35

Eee get over yourself, wouldn’t ask for anything more than a card from my daughter, you’re being far too precious imo

Theprincessdiaries10 · 14/03/2026 19:35

Every year on mumsnet we get these ridiculous threads about Mother’s Day. Always BEFORE the day has even occurred.

I always thought Mother’s Day was a bunch of tulips, some chocolate and a card.

Peony1985 · 14/03/2026 19:44

charlieandjenna · 14/03/2026 18:58

Some mothers will wake up tomorrow morning to breakfast in bed which will consist of a lukewarm half filled cup of tea strong enough to stand the spoon up in and a cold piece of toast with marmite spread an inch thick and they will drink the tea and eat the toast like it was the most wonderful breakfast ever, because it truly is.
I can imagine your child spending time choosing the sandwiches and what fillings you might like, doing it all with you at the heart of it. They may even have decided if they bought ready made sandwiches it would mean they could spend more time with you and less time in the kitchen. Just try and be mindful tomorrow that maybe more thought went into it than you realise

Some of the posters on here are so nasty

The haphazard mother’s days are great. Cute and memorable. And those posters who came up with their own ideas.

Ops daughter is 13. More than capable of making her mother a couple of cakes and sandwiches. Even if they weren’t perfect. That’s the bit Op wanted.

SweetDreamsAreMadeOfFizz · 14/03/2026 19:49

I completely agree with you OP. It's not about the resultant quality is it? Otherwise we wouldn't love our kids' drawings and paintings. It's the fact that your husband couldn't be bothered to show your daughter that her time, thought and effort really was what you longed for.

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 14/03/2026 19:55

So funny, I'm the total opposite, I would be gutted if they hadn't got m and s sandwiches, they are a bit of a treat plus you get to have lots of different flavors!! Either way though it should be seen as the kind gesture it is and enjoyed and appreciated!

whattheysay · 14/03/2026 19:55

Wrongsideof50 · 14/03/2026 16:16

Thanks to all of those who “get it”…for the others that think I want you to tear into my daughter you couldn’t be more wrong! I wasn’t asking you all to do that!! ..my husband took her shopping, she said to buy rolls to make posh sandwiches, he suggested ready made.. they know we cook from scratch and therefore I don’t think it’s too much to ask..it’s one day a year! Ready made supermarket sandwiches are not nice in my opinion and I would never normally eat them.

Why on earth are you being such a martyr to cooking from scratch you’ve said it 3 or 4 times now
I cook from scratch doesn’t mean I can’t eat a pre packed sarnie from M&S
You actually sound a bit insufferable

Isthateveryonethen · 14/03/2026 19:58

Wrongsideof50 · 14/03/2026 15:19

Wow ok lots of ladies out today ready to tear me down! Yes I do think my DD could make just as good if not better sandwiches than M&S ..they are just sandwiches lol!
as a family we don’t eat ready meals, I make everything from scratch so hence my disappointment..anyone can make a decent sandwich and if you can’t even do that you need to work on your skills in my opinion..

You sound miserable op. You don’t eat ready meals? Cook from scratch every morsel that enters your mouth. What a martyr! Maybe they got the sandwiches because they really want to eat something different. You see how rigid your no ready meals have turned out - the first thing they did was buy the ready meals!

Gowlett · 14/03/2026 20:00

I’ve bought my own gift, card & food for tomorrow. I got the ones I want.
Don’t know if that’s right or wrong. But I’ll be getting exactly what I want, so…

Isthateveryonethen · 14/03/2026 20:02

You’ve made ready meals forbidden fruit. You’ve made slaving away in the kitchen some sort of badge of honor for yourself . Your family has done the exact opposite- that’s what happens when you do stuff like that.
What a joyless life op. Have you never been out and the kids wanted a sandwich or something while you’re out. Do you make everyone come home to eat?

JayJayEl · 14/03/2026 20:04

Wrongsideof50 · 14/03/2026 16:34

To those saying I should have told them I would prefer homemade sandwiches ..I did! I even suggested a few of my favourite fillings and suggested they check to see what we have already and what they might need to buy…and that they could enjoy making them together tomorrow. I would never show her or tell her that it’s not good enough and be moody tomorrow with a face like a cats arse as someone suggested! But let’s not go with that narrative as it doesn’t suit the people that like to tear others down by being nasty!

Like you're tearing your own DD and DH down? This is bloody bonkers!

CyanMaker · 14/03/2026 20:06

Personally, if I had to dictate exactly what I expected my family to gift me with, it's pointless. A gift is not an obligation and if the thought doesn't come from the giver why bother?