Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

[Wrongsideof50]

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

I understand about the effort to a point, but maybe DD has a creative idea of how she'll set things out for you?
Also, I know that Mother's Day is technically for us, but it is still about them when they're kids, even big kids. Don't let her know you're disappointed because maybe she thought hard about which sandwiches to choose and genuinely thought this would be "fancier".

I hope you have a lovely day xx

Oh, I'm pretty certain that the girl knows her Mum is disappointed.

Dear Daughter.

Despite me trying to micromanage your Mothers’ Day present to me, you and your father have fallen short of my expectations.

I have therefore, bought more provisions for you to have a further attempt to come up to scratch. I’ve only bought rolls and strawberries though so I don’t know what you’ll be putting in the rolls because, as you know, we haven’t got any tomatoes or cucumber.

Try harder next year.

Your ungrateful Mother.

Ungrateful. You wanted afternoon tea and that is what they are getting for you.

That's awful, I'm so sorry. I literally winced for you reading your mum's reaction.

The track wasn't Fairground was it? Possibly the only SR track I ever bought and an absolutly banging song, complete with music video of Mick Hucknell on a rollercoaster!

I'd wait and see how it goes tomorrow.

I'd be happy if they set the table and laid everything out nicely , and they've carefully thought of a good balanced spread of different sandwiches and scones and cakes and maybe some fresh strawberries etc (and a proper pot of tea!)

I'd be very sad if they plonk a few sandwiches and a handful of crisps on a plate.

It was!!!! Such a great track, and luckily I'm able to enjoy the song independent of my mum's weird reaction! As an adult I can see how it was probably just an ear worm for her, that she'd heard on the radio and it had no real meaning, and so didn't understand why I bought it. But also, as a mum I know none of that matters and I would make such a big fuss of my DC if they did that all by themselves! As far as they were concerned, it would be my favourite song ever!

Get a grip.

So you'd be sad if your 13 year old daughter had planned, shopped and prepped a nice afternoon tea for you, but the presentation let it down? Seriously?

In a nutshell!

Id also be disappointed but I can also remember being 13 and would have thought they were a) a treat and b) and easy way to get variety then 😂

Genuine question - why would you be disappointed?

Tearing you down? 🤣🤣🤣

@I’m with you on this @Wrongsideof50

Shame they hadn’t bought you some manners when they were out buying your sandwiches…….

Is your DD going to be making strawberry sandwiches @Wrongsideof50 What are you expecting from rolls and strawberries?

You do realise how ironic this is don’t you? Saying about people tearing you down when that’s exactly what you’re doing to your husband and daughter who are trying to do something nice for you?

She genuinely doesn't seem to see this, and I really find it sad.

Yeah ungrateful/spoiled/petulant. Mothers Day is a hallmark holiday, surely a ‘happy mothers day’ is enough 🤷🏻‍♀️

Some mothers will wake up tomorrow morning to breakfast in bed which will consist of a lukewarm half filled cup of tea strong enough to stand the spoon up in and a cold piece of toast with marmite spread an inch thick and they will drink the tea and eat the toast like it was the most wonderful breakfast ever, because it truly is.
I can imagine your child spending time choosing the sandwiches and what fillings you might like, doing it all with you at the heart of it. They may even have decided if they bought ready made sandwiches it would mean they could spend more time with you and less time in the kitchen. Just try and be mindful tomorrow that maybe more thought went into it than you realise

Well, yes, if the "planning, prepping and shopping" boiled down to buying three packs of sandwiches and a bag of crisps! She's 13, not 6.

I wouldn't be upset that they didn't make the sandwiches by hand from scratch, but I would be sad if they went down the route of absolute least effort possible.

They can still be perfectly fine. I bought one today that has tomorrow's date on it.

Right.

Anyway OP it sounds as if they tried to buy nice things, going to two different shops and choosing items. It sounds like they did apply some thought and care.
However, if this really isn't good enough for you, get them to bag up the food and give it to a homeless shelter.

i think asking for what you want but then also wanting to micromanage how the gift is made is overboard