Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

[Wrongsideof50]

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

No, I made no such implication. You have assumed that by inferrence. It’s your sexist mind that led you to your conclusion.

my kids are early 20s and I can pretty much guarantee I’ll be lucky to get so much as a brew made for me tomorrow 😂 so I think you are being hugely unreasonable.

I hope you're ok. Lots of love from one mum to another x

So why would it matter to the OP if the kitchen gets messy after the DH makes sandwiches?

Daddy couldnt be arsed.
As always with mothers day, this isnt a kid problem but a husband problem.

I was wondering if it's that.

If I asked for (for eg) Philadelphia & cucumber sandwiches, cheese & tomato sandwiches I'd be disappointed that no one cba to make them for me.

As a divorced parent I have my children this weekend, and I can guarantee I won't get breakfast or an afternoon tea made for me. But that's ok, I get a weekend of supporting my DD with her course work, having a laugh with DS and maybe a nice walk and some scones if the little sods don't eat them first 🤣 And no, my ex is not the sort to make sure they have bought or made anything for me. But I'm an adult, I know this shit doesn't matter.

And making everything from scratch isn't the flex you think it is (love a good store made sandwich personally)

My mum was a bit like this and now we never really bother going to see her and she wonders why. I'm not telling you that to make you angry by the way. More so you realise that children grow up and sandwiches aren't worth causing a fuss over.

I do think you are overreacting. She went out and bought all the bits for the afternoon tea and will spend time assembling it tomorrow. Its always tricky putting together a meal/afternoon tea/ cheeseboard because everyone has a different idea of what way it should be done. Overall its a lot more effort than just handing you a card and flowers.

It may seem like they have gone to minimal effort, but presumably you haven’t had the afternoon tea yet so you cant assume that they haven’t put any thought in. Your daughter is only 13, so I would expect your husband to lead and guide her with regards to making the day special. She clearly cares otherwise she wouldn’t have asked you what you want. I’m sure your daughter will take care to present it all beautifully and you will have a lovely afternoon. Are you feeling unappreciated and overlooked in general? I ask that because it seems like quite a strong reaction over something seemingly trivial.

M&S sandwiches sound like a lovely treat! Enjoy 😋

Why does it matter so much to you that I am suggesting a kitchen might be in a state after cooking a variety of fillings and baking tea cakes and sausage rolls from scratch? It’s a simple cause and effect.

Someone will have to clean the kitchen. I would not want my 13yr old to do it all by herself so that means by demanding home made from scratch I am not just demanding the effort that goes into making it, I am also demanding from her and my DH the effort of all the cleanup.

It means less time for OP and DD to just enjoy the day. I’m sure you’ve cooked a giant Christmas dinner and can relate to how it’s 8 hrs cooking or cleaning for what can be only 20mins sat and chatting to family.

Shop bought might be better food if the cook is a child or crummy but it also buys you time to relax and enjoy the day.

Time is more precious than grading effort.

Omg calm down. They are making you a nice Mother's Day tea, it's not even Mother's Day yet and you are already disappointed and gutted? Ffs get a fucking grip.

My 13 year old daughter hasn't even registered it's Mother's Day tomorrow and my husband has no idea. I would love to have a 13 year old thoughtful enough to ask me what I wanted.

please don't spoil it. She probably thinks you're going to be excited.

you have a lovely thoughtful daughter there at an age where thoughtfulness is in short supply x

Oh just ignore them OP.

To attack you people have had to pretend that your H did not exist so that they can pretend you were attacking your child
They then had to pretend that your quite clear and easy to understand instructions about making sandwiches were somehow stating you wanted shop bought. I understood what you said from the off.
Basically they are twisting everything to enjoy a pile on.
Pathetic.

Because she will be sat alone on Mother’s Day while the kitchen is being cleaned. It kind of squashes any chance of a pleasant tea followed by a trip to the park or a museum or to the cinema -anything fun really.

She’s 13, teenagers are famously a little bit selfish. Home made would be nice, but she’s making an effort, I think for a 13 year old that’s acceptable. A 16 year old no I would probably expect a bit more but she’s 13…

It's posts like these that make me remember why I tell my children not to bother with mothers day, fathers day, or any of the rest of it really. How your kids treat you the whole year round is what matters - not on some artificial holiday designed specifically to get you spending (yes I know all about the history of mothering sunday - that has no bearing these days).

What a horrible DD getting treats from M&S

It's bizarre to me that you would be so critical and risk upsetting the relationship with your daughter over something purely subjective. I hope you aren't like this all the time. Shop bought items are fine.

Because there is an undertone to this thread that OP should be happy with the bare minimum effort her DH makes.

And it’s pretty clear form your language (‘lucky escape’j that you think the clean up of the kitchen afterwards would have been done by OP, even though the sandwiches are for Mother’s Day and a treat for OP.

Not buying it, it’s a few sandwiches and fillings, not a ‘giant Christmas dinner’ that requires lots of clean up. It would take 20-30 mins for DH to wash up in the evening.

I think this is a huge over reaction on your part and I find it really bizarre that so many people ask what their mother wants for a mothers’ day present nowadays. Surely the best and most thoughtful thing from your own children is a hand made card that they’ve put loads of effort into and a cup of tea and burnt toast in bed?

You kinda got what you asked for really - yes they're not home-made, but unless the bread was made from scratch as well as the fillings etc, then nothing really is. Third world problems and all that...

First world and problems come to mind. I say this kindly but ….get a grip

Been scrolling on MN on and off today and getting impression all the super bitchy, bored trolls are on today, looking to put people down and make them feel crap. Could they something nice or something helpful??? Nah, better to be completely nasty and snipe at strangers.
Just ignore them OP. They probably live alone and won’t have anyone visiting them tomorrow so making themselves feel better by insulting strangers.
And, no, this isn’t what MN is for or about. It has changed a lot over the last few years and isn’t really a very nice place anymore.