Lack of thought or am I being ungrateful?

[Wrongsideof50]

So DD age 13, asked what I would like for Mother’s Day, I suggested her (and her dad) making us an afternoon cream tea, fancy cakes, sandwiches sausage rolls strawberries type thing.. he took her to M&S and Sainsbury’s to buy stuff..I had already suggested, to both daughter and husband..them making nice sandwiches with bread or little fancy bread rolls with various fillings and cutting them small etc..just like you would get in a restaurant/cafe setting. Today whilst prepping lunch with DD she asked if had any cucumber, tomatoes to go with her lunch ..I said no we’ve run out but you’ve bought some for making Mother’s Day stuff so we can just use some from that …reply was oh no we didn’t get any cos we bought ready made sandwiches!!! Wtaf!! They bought a few sandwiches from M&S to cut up…I mean I get buying the sausage rolls and also cakes to cut up to save them baking but at least make the bloody sandwiches!!! .to say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly…zero effort, zero imagination, gutted 😞 is it too much to ask they put effort in and make it , it’s not like I’m asking for three course roast lunch it’s a few sandwiches! Am I being ungrateful and overreacting…not spoken to husband about it yet but have just been to shop and bought some rolls (and strawberries) so she can make some of it tomorrow! ☹️

No It doesnt.

it does appear to turn some women into monsters, complaining as they need to make sandwiches themselves is something else though.

Because i genuinely think this OP is so sure she’s right that she thought we’d all scorn and criticise her 13 year old daughter

I'm not in the UK. But I'm off to my bodega because they make great sandwiches.

It seems you wanted the effort to make the sandwiches rather than the gesture of the afternoon tea ? Which tbh does sound a little bit ungrateful.
i dont think your arguments about "cooking everything from scratch" is comparable in relation to sandwiches in this situation as they are really cooked.
It seems your DD and DH did make an effort and take the time (to go to M&S and choose some things for afternoon tea) i dont think that shows Zero imagination and i don't understand why anyone would be gutted at that.
I think you saying people are tearing you down because they dont agree with you is unreasonable.
My advice is don't let your feelings about wether sandwiches are homemade or M&S ruin your Mothers day tea . Seriously,dont ,life's too short and too precious.
I hope you enjoy your Mothers day tea .

Just bizarre. I feel for the girl, though who thought she was giving Mum a treat.

😢

Thank you, yes the “but you would have bought cucumber” sounds like a trip up test to me……testing they followed your suggestions as if they were orders

OP you posted asking if your being ungrateful, you receive an almost unanimous yes and then you argue against it

if you’d already decided and were sticking to that opinion why on earth did you post?

I’m wondering why you aren’t voicing this directly to your husband (NOT dd…) are you very passively aggressive in your communications? Seems like he is the person to speak to since you are sticking to its not good enough. Your daughter is 13!!!!!

and its not one day a year..only if you're in a family who don’t care for each other each day… i suspect yours are on edge with you

After 4 years of insults and the silent treatment on mothers day (no longer, thank goodness) I would be overjoyed to receive M&S sandwiches and other food on Mothers day. Even a card would be so appreciated (which I got from DS this year!). Im not trying to downplay your sandwich plight by comparing it to my own experience, just pointing out it could be so much worse.

Your DD at 13yo was thoughtful enough to ask you what you wanted for mother's day. It should of been up to her dad to prepare something anyway, really. I imagine it would of been him that took her to M&S and said fuck it, let's just get ready made sandwiches, what difference does it make. I'm not excusing it, but a lot of men are just entirely thoughtless. At least they didnt go to Asda (gasp).

I wouldnt be hard on DD for this, it isnt her fault. She at least had the good intention to ask. I understand your sentiment that you do a lot for your family, and was hoping to have some home-made effort to be reciprocated. That being said, this post is about sandwiches. It really isn't that big of a deal.

This post is again another reason why we shouldn't buy into mother's day. People end. Up angry, mad, sad.
People are under pressure to meet expectations they can't or don't want to fulfill.
It's not worth it.

I didn’t edit you, I paraphrased, but I’ll quote you now. You said ‘Perhaps it’s a lucky escape her Mother’s Day tea wasn’t home made both in terms of the food and the state of the kitchen afterwards.’

So your implication is that the mother would have to clean the kitchen afterwards, which is pretty sexist.

OP: Am I being unreasonable?

MN: Yes, you're being unreasonable.

OP: Omg, why are women tearing me down?!

You have asked in the title of your thread, lack of through- or am I being ungrateful? Majority of the replies are telling you, you are being ungrateful. However, you are still arguing your case.
I’m sure you don’t need to hear again that you’re being ungrateful from me, but I would suggest that if next time you are not willing to take on board people’s response, post on another board rather than the AIBU one.
I hope you end up having a lovely day with your daughter & I truly hope that in other areas of your family life you are more relaxed!

Only if you’re that way inclined

someone like this will bitch and moan about loads, it won’t just rear up on Mother’s Day

Yabvvvvvvu
Words escape me

To be honest I think you are way too involved in planning this. You have a husband and a 13 year old. Leave them to it!! It’s a bit condescending and controlling to give so many ‘suggestions’.

I’m fairly sure in this situation my kids would chose the ready made stuff from m and s. They’d consider it more fancy and a treat. And they still be excited getting it ready and presenting it.

YAB ridiculous and U.

What difference does it make?! I always do our afternoon teas like this unless I really object to spending the additional money on pre-made sandwiches.

You honestly sound very hard to please.

This

I’m so aghast you went and bought replacements!!!!

that is super controlling….i cant believe it

do you stand over then when they are cleaning and inspect results and point out how they have failed to do it as good as you?

No wonder daughter asked…

whats the history when she makes up her mind herself?

You are really a wonder, you just can’t quote someone in full. You have carefully only quoted my final summary sentence after editing out the important bits before.

here is what I said in full

”Home cooked meals aren’t always better than shop bought. It depends on the cook. Perhaps it’s a lucky escape her Mother’s Day tea wasn’t home made both in terms of the food and the state of the kitchen afterwards.”

And no, I was not implying OP herself would have to clean a kitchen,
You’ve inferred that assumption, probably because you enjoy nitpicking as much as the OP does and are so brainwashed by patriarchy that you think it’s obvious the mother must be the one cleaning a kitchen,

Jesus I’m glad you’re not my mother. How disgusting. Your poor daughter.
If this is how you behave when your closest family don’t meet your exact standards on sandwiches id dread to think what else they have to put up with.

Sigh. here is what you said:

Home cooked meals aren’t always better than shop bought. It depends on the cook. Perhaps it’s a lucky escape her Mother’s Day tea wasn’t home made both in terms of the food and the state of the kitchen afterwards.

So your implication is that the mother would have to clean the kitchen afterwards, which is pretty sexist.

But you can’t beat lovely little triangular party sandwiches with nice fillings and the crusts cut off.
I’ve made goodness knows how many in the past for DDs’ parties, and later for Gdcs’ when they were small enough for parents to attend, too.
They ALWAYS vanished, mostly down the parents’ throats!

Dh was always working (he had no choice) during DDs’ parties, and used to be seriously disappointed if he came home later and found no sandwiches left!

Daddy couldnt be arsed.

As always with mothers day, this isnt a kid problem but a husband problem.

Nomas stop being so obtuse and churlish….women still do most of the cleaning etc even if they work more than everyone else outside of the house (sad though it is)

so its not way off for poster to suggest that scenario

she was hardly saying “you dont get up and get your husbands breakfast ready before he wakes do you?”

I hope the lazy, ungrateful little shit sowed the seeds to make the grain and harvested and milled it to make the bread. Kick her backside if she didn't spend at least 3 days mixing and stirring the wheat and rye flour until it fermented into yeast.