DG annoyed about pregnancy worries raised while he was gaming

[GrubbyHouse1]

(I meant DH in title. Can't work out how to edit title)

My husband plays video games to relax. Quite a fair bit to be honest. He often says talk to him when he's finished playing which i guess is reasonable as if Im watching a film or something I might feel irritated if he started chatting loads to me about things

But I realised my period is late. We already have two young kids. Im 40. And this last week I've been feeling v emotional - like tearful randomly.

I was just tidying up (sat morning) and said to him (as he was gaming - some gun game) and I said "God you know what the last time I felt so randomly tearful during the day was when I was pregnant with DS2"

And he took off his headphones and said "FFS. You've given me anxiety now. FFS. God. I cant even focus on the game now you've said that. Could you not keep comments like to yoruseld until I've done with the game"

And honestly I felt my last iota of respect for him dry up in a second

But AIBU? Or a gaming snob? Its his hobby so maybe I shouldn't be thinking out loud to him. I said I wanted to share my thoughts and maybe some support would be nice. He said "yeah well I've got my own feelinsh and im much more likely to respond better if you wait till im done gaming"

??

The manner in which the OP raised the subject was poor. If her partner was playing an online shooting game (Call of Duty/Battlefield/Fortnite etc), then there is no ‘pause’ option. Just let him finish, what’s another 4/5 minutes?

My DP plays shooting games. He has never once not been available when I need him to be present in the real world. If there is no pause option then he just leaves his character to their fate and picks the game up from the beginning of whatever quest/battle was going on, just as he would have to do if they had been killed in battle when DP was playing. To use the "but there's no pause button, I can't possibly give up now" line is a ridiculous excuse for an adult.

I don't think it's unreasonable to have some time off per week where you get to focus on your hobby. Ringing someone up in the middle of them playing squash or when they were focused on some other game wouldn't be seen as reasonable, so why would interrupting gaming ? It's not always that easy to press the pause button if you are in a team game.

The question is more whether or not he spends an appropriate amount of time gaming, rather than the fact that he is unavailable during that time.

If my partner was in the middle of a movie they wanted to watch then I would wait for it to finish before having the serious chat. Not only is it polite to respect each others own time and enjoyment, but also you get better attention that way.

Anyone that demands immediate attention for something that isn’t urgent is utterly ridiculous.

This reaction is solely born out of your own dislike for his hobby. Shows how much his interests mean to you.

Your response comes across as controlling as do many of the others here.

I wasn't going a big pregnancy announcement. I was in the same room as him playing the game and said "gosh - do you think i might be pregnant" or somethign like that and he then took offf his headphones and had a go at me for stressing him out during his game. And it made me feel like total shit. He didn't say "god - can you talk about it in a minute" even that would be preferable. his response what to have a go.

I can tell you right now that if DH or DS said something serious (even as an aside) - like "i think i might get sacked' 'i've fallen out with my mother' whatever - i would stop the film and listen. i would never say - can i watch the film before i talk to you.

and i don't think it's controlling to come to dinner when dinner is on the table. not within 5 seconds but not let it get cold. i don't think it's a good example. when the kids are in bed and we eat dinner - we eat it on the sofa and watch telly but with the kids we like try to eat at the table.

anyway - i don't fancy him really - and i struggle to respect him. i can't really helpt that feeling. i jsut need to work out what i'm going to do about it.

Did you take a test @GrubbyHouse1

Let him know that you are having serious doubts about the relationship and your future together. The example being set to the children and your interactions as a couple is having an impact on you. Gaming isn't a hobby. A hobby is something you have a specific allocated time to eg play a sport, go to a book club etc.

Late to the dinner table is extremely annoying, but it's also frustrating to immediately jump up when you have a level to finish. Can you give a warning with the expectation then being that there's then no delay when you actually announce dinner.

OP, I notice in your previous post, you say you didnt really want to have sex with him anyway.
How come you did? And did you use contraception?

When I call dinner I damn well expect everyone to drop what they are doing and come and eat it. They know I’m cooking, I give them a heads up it’s dinner in X mins and I do not cook for them to see it go cold because they are doing something else - it’s rude and disrespectful.

As did he! So why do you think he gets to opt out?

Ignore the rude children/men posting OP, who seem to think you should make dinner around his gaming, because apparently his gaming matters more than the rest of the family. It's pure selfish, immature entitlement.