DG annoyed about pregnancy worries raised while he was gaming

[GrubbyHouse1]

(I meant DH in title. Can't work out how to edit title)

My husband plays video games to relax. Quite a fair bit to be honest. He often says talk to him when he's finished playing which i guess is reasonable as if Im watching a film or something I might feel irritated if he started chatting loads to me about things

But I realised my period is late. We already have two young kids. Im 40. And this last week I've been feeling v emotional - like tearful randomly.

I was just tidying up (sat morning) and said to him (as he was gaming - some gun game) and I said "God you know what the last time I felt so randomly tearful during the day was when I was pregnant with DS2"

And he took off his headphones and said "FFS. You've given me anxiety now. FFS. God. I cant even focus on the game now you've said that. Could you not keep comments like to yoruseld until I've done with the game"

And honestly I felt my last iota of respect for him dry up in a second

But AIBU? Or a gaming snob? Its his hobby so maybe I shouldn't be thinking out loud to him. I said I wanted to share my thoughts and maybe some support would be nice. He said "yeah well I've got my own feelinsh and im much more likely to respond better if you wait till im done gaming"

??

I'm 62 F and love RPGs I've been gaming for years I also knit sew crochet walk my dogs go to the gym my hobbies are not sad and are not gendered.

My DH is a gamer. However he only does his hobby when nothing else is planned. He doesn't prioritize that over his family. If I said "look can I talk to you about something" he would pause his game. He wouldn't game first thing in the morning to reclaim "his time" even after working all week because our kids are also his kids. He knows we are a family and that I need help too. He also wants to spend time with them.
Weekends are precious. He normally waits until the kids are in bed, if we don't watch a film, he will send a message to his group chat asking whos on the playstation....then I can read my kindle in peace.
He also doesn't go out on the drink, go to the pub etc. When your dh says this is he wanting a medal? You should say "neither do I"

He does sound a bit of a knob, but I think I would have spoken to him directly (whilst not gaming) and stated my worries clearly.

To be fair it sounds like something that just popped in her head and she said it loud

I guess it's an addiction..

And what about the anxiety she’s feeling? But she should shut up and keep it in because if she mentions the possibility, her husband might have to think about someone else for a moment and share a burden? Because it’s not just her problem, she hasn’t picked up the wrong flavour of ice cream, this is very much a them problem and it’s right that joint burdens should be shared.

She chose to what could be 3 children with him, it was a choice

I can’t stand gaming and if someone describes themselves as gamer I imagine a basement-dwelling weirdo with questionable hygeine, lack of social skills, a penchant for hentai p*rn, a furry fetish and gender confusion. I appreciate this is NOT true of all of them though, but have been in feminist circles for too long!

DH is a techy geek type, would be a gamer given half the chance, but when the x-box began to be used well past bedtime, it was nicknamed the ‘no-sex box’ and mostly sits in the cupboard now. DS has a PlayStation and when the shouting gets too much I threaten to unplug it and send him out to play football in the park with his mates. I am keeping a close eye on its usage and he and DH are well aware of my views 😁.

So, YANBU to find your DH’s gaming ‘hobby’ deeply unattractive- it needs dealing with as soon as possible.

It’s fine to have a hobby, but he needs to learn that his imaginary world comes 2nd to the actual real world you both live in.

If it is just a hobby then he sticks to playing when he is free then, not when he is supposed to be doing something else.

The clue is in OPs responses. She's tidying, he's gaming. She's cooking dinner., he's gaming. Doesn't sound like he's only doing it when all the family chores are done, does it.

Sounds like you need to book a termination, seems like a shit situation to brings kids into. Normal men would have paused the game, had the conversation with you, not gotten rude with you, bc obviously a potential pregnancy is more important than his fucking game. Obviously it’s stressful but you don’t avoid stress by ignoring potential problems, instead he wants you to sit with the stress alone. I’d make the decision for him and terminate as the writing is on the wall for how badly this will go. He’s not mature enough for the responsibility.

I could never have children with a man-child gamer.

But your husband isn’t being an amazing partner is he? He’s trained you to basically keep quiet while he games, he’s late to meals you have cooked because he’s gaming, he’s not engaging with you because he’s gaming, and your son is picking up on this behaviour already. Just being in the house does not mean he is being a present husband and father does it? And him basically saying he could be worse isn’t a ringing endorsement.

I think whether he pulls his weight or not is a different issue to him gaming.

I'm not a gamer myself but I have other hobbies in the home. I'd be quite irritated if my partner just assumed they could interrupt me when I was smack bang in the middle of something whenever they felt like it, just because I happen to do my hobby in the house.

It's really strange the amount of vitriol that's aimed towards gaming. I don't see the same attitude towards other hobbies like crochet, knitting, or yoga, all of which might also be done in the home. And I'm saying this as someone who doesn't ever game and has no interest in it at all.

If my partner was late occasionally to dinner, I wouldn't have a problem. If it's happening every time/frequently, then that's very different. While it's good to model the right behaviour for children, sometimes there are exceptions to the rules for grownups. Children do need to learn this. I might sit in bed and scroll on my phone until midnight; it doesn't mean my child can do the same!

I think the way to tackle it OP would have been to say to your DH that you want to talk to him about something serious and to let you know when he's free to talk. I don't think launching into a pretty heavyweight conversation while he's in the middle of playing is fair. You acknowledge yourself that you don't like him gaming, and I think that's colouring your response.

As for the rest of it, only you know if he's doing the fair share of the household chores and parenting. You both need equal time for hobbies and relaxing, whatever it is that you both prefer to do.

I hope you're feeling a bit better today. Hormones - pregnancy or perimenopausal - are an absolute pig to deal with!

Is my son your dh because it sounds just like him so what he’s not down the pub he’s not present is he. They are games not life and death. Omg you must have the patience of a saint to put up with this manchild. Does he also make you knock before entering.

He could, you know, stop playing his game. Because it’s a game. It’s not real life and it’s not important.

The King of Twatsville.

DId he also piss on his shoes like a toddler when he was throwing a tantrum?

Adult men and gaming is a joke, so unattractive, my clam would close so there would be no way my emotional self would be pregnant.

He sounds extremely selfish, immature and not a family man!!

I don’t think it’s particularly important that this man’s hobby is gaming rather than anything else - it’s his sense of priorities which is so off.

I'm guessing this silly twerp is at least 40?

You are not a gaming snob. You are not the problem here.

You have two young children and he is spending his Saturday completely and willfully isolated in his own little bubble? Because diddums needs to 'relax'?

I hope he'll enjoy his gaming when he ends up in a damp bedsit.

Nah, he's saying he can't focus because all that matters to him is his gaming.

The clue to the importance of gaming above all else in his life is the fact that he's doing it on a weekend, regardless of the fact that he has two young children.

YANBU. I can’t stand men (or children for that matter) gaming. Deeply unattractive.

I'm a woman and game, and have done since I was a teenager. It's a great medium with some fantastic stories. It's not all Fifa. There are some fantastic fantasy RPGs, great puzzle games, thinky colony management games, and so on. I manage maybe 2 hours probably 4 times a week (only if I'm into a game though, I have periods of months where I don't game at all!). I also find it relaxing. HOWEVER I only play once my little girl is in bed, and once I've done all my chores, etc. And if my partner wanted to do something else, I would. I have other hobbies too, such as crochet, painting, DnD, and board games (social group hobby). Just because you game it doesn't mean you have other interests or never go outside lol. I spend all my time outside at the weekend with my toddler. I really really don't get the whole unattractive thing. I don't see how it's any different to bingeing Netflix for 2 hours. It's just that Netflix is more socially acceptable, probably because it's not linked to nerd culture.

Anyway. I'd never dream of being so rude to say no one can talk to me whilst I'm gaming. Like sure, I might say 'just let me finish this part for 5 mins, then I'll be with you', in the same way you might if you were reading a book. But I wouldn't be snapping and kicking off. And if my partner commented they felt emotional/down, I'd stop what I was doing to talk to them.

The problem isn't gaming. It's your husband prioritising gaming over supporting you, and the general rudeness.

He’s a horror
my ex was awful to me when I was pregnant and told me off it I expressed any feelings or needs especially if he was gaming or in the bath or doing something else for himself (which was all day long) - i don’t miss him.