DG annoyed about pregnancy worries raised while he was gaming

[GrubbyHouse1]

(I meant DH in title. Can't work out how to edit title)

My husband plays video games to relax. Quite a fair bit to be honest. He often says talk to him when he's finished playing which i guess is reasonable as if Im watching a film or something I might feel irritated if he started chatting loads to me about things

But I realised my period is late. We already have two young kids. Im 40. And this last week I've been feeling v emotional - like tearful randomly.

I was just tidying up (sat morning) and said to him (as he was gaming - some gun game) and I said "God you know what the last time I felt so randomly tearful during the day was when I was pregnant with DS2"

And he took off his headphones and said "FFS. You've given me anxiety now. FFS. God. I cant even focus on the game now you've said that. Could you not keep comments like to yoruseld until I've done with the game"

And honestly I felt my last iota of respect for him dry up in a second

But AIBU? Or a gaming snob? Its his hobby so maybe I shouldn't be thinking out loud to him. I said I wanted to share my thoughts and maybe some support would be nice. He said "yeah well I've got my own feelinsh and im much more likely to respond better if you wait till im done gaming"

??

This is exactly what my DH says.

@GrubbyHouse1 you said you lost your last iota of respect for him. That’s a problem!

You should really tell him to give him a chance to gain your respect back.

I would also not respect an almost 50 year old shouting at strangers or friends whilst playing games. My 17 yo used to for about 5 years solidly but he was a kid so we let it go. I understand it’s a hobby but come on, he does need to grow up and see that a grown-man polluted the air at home with shouting is not on! It won’t be long before your DC lose respect for their child-like dad too.

My DH plays games on his phone but I’d hardly notice and he only does it if there’s no jobs to be done or myself and kids don’t need him.

I hope you’re going through peri-menopause and don’t have to have another child with this idiot.

I do think i have a problem with the gaming full stop im afraid.. He always says "i could be down the pub, spending £, coming home late" but I would prefer it. I would find it far more attractive to have a partner who sees friends & goes out, or where we could go to pub together eve . There is something I find unattractive about the gaming but the not talking to me until he's finished is next level.

@Iamsotiredandfedupi am crying at this first sentence 🤣

Wtf is a grown man with young children doing gaming on a Saturday morning?!

That’s my point though, just because some do, it doesn’t mean they all do.

You answered a post that was saying don’t think liking gaming makes someone a pathetic moron. It’s just a hobby by saying that it was pretty addictive and describing how a guy stays up until 2am yelling at the screen.

Don’t you see how it’s the same as saying that your DH is a moron because he regularly goes out with his mates to the pub - because it’s well known that alcohol is addictive and I regularly see drunk people yelling and throwing up at 2am?

My point: your DH is the problem, not his hobby of choice.

There is something I find unattractive about the gaming but the not talking to me until he's finished is next level.

You find it unattractive because when he's gaming he makes his priorities clear. He isn't interested in anything else. I could understand him being miffed if you'd interrupted to ask him whether you should get raspberry jam or strawberry, but when it's just struck you that you might be pregnant he should be able to recognise the importance of what you're saying and not react like a four year old who's just had his favourite toy taken away. Gaming is not a reason/excuse for shutting yourself off from the family, it's just self centredness.

Gaming seems like a waste of a life to me but I think the way you brought it up was irritating at best. If you want support, ask if he can stop to talk to you about it, don't just throw in silly glib comments about something that's clearly potentially life-changing. Either go and get a pregnancy test and find out one way or the other or ask for his support to go with you to get a test and look at it with you. What did you actually want him to do when you said what you did? Clearly he was going to have to stop what he was doing to deal with the issue so at least have the courtesy to start a proper conversation about it.

Good grief this reminds me of living at home with my teenage brother was I was growing up.

This is not DH/ partner behaviour. Seriously.

It feels like quite a low bar if the alternative to gaming is “I could be down the pub, coming home late, spending money etc”. I wouldn’t be impressed with either the way he spoke to you or the fact that he spends family time gaming. Having hobbies with young children is challenging but doable if you can agree on a way that allows both of you to have some downtime and that it doesn’t negatively impact on the other person. It doesn’t sound like this is what’s happening currently.

Just to be clear it wasn't me that used the term moron. Of course I got your point. The thing is some men (and women before anymore piles on) have acted immaturely for centuries but to me there is something particularly childish about gaming and then throwing a tantrum when asked to stop. Probably because this is how my son used to act when he was about 14.
Even if there was no aggression or tantrums and he only gamed when nothing else was needed of him, I don't think I could ever find a gamer attractive.

GOD, you are not unreasonable at all! What a prick! I also can't take men seriously who game like a teenager and think it's a badge of honor that they are not out there getting drunk instead

My DP of 23 years is a gamer but he would always pause it/turn it off if I needed to talk to him about anything. Your DH sounds like a dick.

Except his is not scheduled around family life. It's instead of family life.

Your wife telling you that she might be pregnant is a pretty big and important part of family life.

I game and now I'm retired I game a lot and have gamed all my adult life. I have never spoken to my partner or dc like that.

Coming late to the dinner table to finish a game, letting your children learn this is OK. Absolute deal breaker.

Waaaah you've given me anxiety while I'm trying to play my game? It sounds like the kind of thing a stroppy 13 year-old would say. What a pathetic, selfish creature he is. I'm not surprised you've lost your last iota of respect for him!

But it isn't scheduled around family life. You make dinner, whilst he games and shows up late to the dinner table? You are tidying the house (that he also lives in) whilst he games!

Why is he not helping to clean, or setting the dinner table, or interacting with the children while you are doing the household tasks?

Just do a test. He's probably fed up of hand wringing and honestly if he's saying he can't focus etc then yes, he has anxiety about the possibility of another child.
Heaven forbid a man has emotions and dares to voice them out loud during a time of uncertainty.

I personally think gaming for any adult with young children and wife to support should only happen when the kids have gone to bed and where there’s a separate man/women cave at the bottom of the garden the gamer could retreat to (sound-proofed to!)

It should be kept as a hobby that doesn’t interfere with family life and kept to themselves, no one else in the house should have to listen to such nonsense.

I’d frankly be embarrassed to say my DH was a gamer but if it didn’t involve our household there would never be the need to mention it.

Why are you procreating with this man child?

There are other hobbies he could do at home that don't involve the pub or getting drunk. Model planes/ships. Card games. Gardening. Sorry but I think any male gaming over the age of 16 to say 25 is a major major turn off. He is way way too old to be playing computer/video games. He is not a kid anymore. There is so much more he could do such as reading, gardening, model things etc. I could not be with a near 50 year old that plays computer games that would give me the ick. He really needs to grow up and get a proper hobby.

Who are we to decide what other people's hobbies are?

Ah yes, the menz...