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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ghosted by friend!!! Aibu?

108 replies

CheesyPeeeps · 13/03/2026 23:56

I just don’t know what to think here.

I had a very good friend, who had a child the same age as mine. Our children went through a few years of school together and were very good friends. The only indication of anything being amiss with this friend was that she had a few previous tricky friendships that she would talk to me about, which I didn’t think too much of.

My husband was offered a fantastic work opportunity and we moved to quite an exotic place for a few years. During this time, I kept in touch with this friend mainly on Facebook. I am not very good at texting, and I always warn friends of this at the beginning of any friendship. And I have a really big family, which makes keeping in touch with everyone (particularly when so far away) very tricky.

Anyway, 2 years later, we returned to live in the UK. My friend and I were really looking forward to meeting up, but from the first meet up, things felt so weird. Before our move, my friend had been more wealthy than us, but DH had progressed quite a bit with his career over those couple of years. Also, we had been posting pictures of our travels on social media. Lots of family wanted us to share this, but I appreciate if my friend didn’t like seeing these. These are the only two things of that I could think changed our friendship whilst we were away but I really don’t know.

I invited my friend over to visit us as soon as we moved in to our new place, and she just went round the house insulting things. It’s tricky though, I thought maybe she had just had a bad day and tried to just move on.

However, our sons have drifted apart quite a bit since we moved and have now had a falling out, and I noticed that my friend has now unfollowed me on all social media. She still has other mutual friends.

What have I done here? I just can’t wrap my head around it? The last thing I did was invite her over for dinner and she declined and now this? I don’t understand. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
CheesyPeeeps · 13/03/2026 23:57

I’m sad. I miss the friendship we had!

OP posts:
JaneBoleyn · 14/03/2026 00:00

The situation itself? Who knows (and not this random woman anyway!).

But people come in and out of one's life. Truly, I think lifelong friends are as common as unicorns.

Chin up old thing.

ColdAsAWitches · 14/03/2026 00:00

You were separated for years and didn't really communicate. You drifted apart, it happens. You were probably being a bit optimistic to think you would be able to just pick things up again as if nothing had changed.

NotMeAtAll · 14/03/2026 00:01

Te fact that your sons fell out probably explains the latest chapter. The other stuff is probably that you dared to challenge her position on the social pecking order. Some people are that petty.

Giftspread · 14/03/2026 00:07

Sounds like she moved on, it happens. I'd remove myself from someone who talked about living in an 'exotic' location and how much their husband had increased his earings, because it screams bore, sorry!

YellowFruitBowl · 14/03/2026 00:08

You were living on different continents for two years, you’re not good at texting, you were only in touch via FB, and your children had drifted apart. Surely it’s not that mysterious?

I mean, I don’t think you need to decide she didn’t like seeing your travel stuff on FB or resented you being richer. People move on.

Original poster
CheesyPeeeps · 14/03/2026 00:15

We did video call from time to time. I get that’s a drip feed! She was so excited for us to be moving back! She told me so, and invited me over when we first moved back. I’m not trying to brag by saying we moved to quite an exotic location. It’s just a fact and I don’t want to specify the country as that would be very outing. When I went to visit her, after her invitation, it was quite awkward because she was saying bad things about the area we had bought our house etc. She was saying things like “well your kids are going to struggle since they haven’t been in a British school”, like literally every negative you could find, she would say. Then was very negative when she visited my house. I didn’t really talk about our time away, because we had a brilliant time and it really was the most incredible experience but the last thing I would want to do is brag, and I know no one would want to sit and listen to me go on, so I would only really discuss if asked. She didn’t ask, which is fine, but the negativity seemed unreasonable to me.

OP posts:
snackatack · 14/03/2026 00:18

Your post sounds like a 'haven't I done well' .. and 'she can't cope with it' post.. if that is how you come across in real life.. I'd move away from you too.

As children grow older - we make new friends and lose old ones.

Arregaithel · 14/03/2026 00:36

@CheesyPeeeps have you read the poem about people who come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime?

You've both moved on, it is really that simple 🌻

Original poster
CheesyPeeeps · 14/03/2026 00:45

Thank you @Arregaithel - to “unfriend” me, when we’ve share so many happy times, seems very final. But I understand it was for a season.

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 14/03/2026 01:22

Some people are just really uncomfortable with others doing well. It makes them feel shitty about their own lives. Then along with that your DC’s have fallen out.

Summerlilly · 14/03/2026 03:00

What was the falling out over between your boys?
That could very much be the reason she has unfriended you

TheTortiePuffinNeedsHerBreakfast · 14/03/2026 04:45

You moved away for a period of time, and weren't in close touch during that time. In the intervening years you both moved on, as did your children. You can't pop in and out of people's lives on your timetable and expect things to stay the same. They rarely do.

PollyBell · 14/03/2026 04:47

What is there to understand she has moved on so stop obsessing and just move on yourself

nomas · 14/03/2026 05:16

It sounds like you want us to tell you that she is jealous of you and your incredible experiences and that you are now wealthier than her but really we don’t know either of you. You say the last thing you want to do is brag but maybe you did come across as a braggart to her.

She may have things going on in her life.

Plus it’s really weird that you still want her in your life despite her comments to you so it sounds like you do have something to prove to her and you’re annoyed that you no longer have access to her.

winter8090 · 14/03/2026 05:50

By your own admission you’ve grown apart. When you were together you felt her quite critical and it does not sound like you enjoyed her company.
Her unfriending you on everything seems harsh.

the friendship has grown apart which I’m sure everyone on this thread has experienced at some point.

SwedishSayna · 14/03/2026 05:57

Jealous.

Twiglets1 · 14/03/2026 05:58

I think you should make more effort to text friends you consider to be close to even when you’re busy. They don’t have to be long messages but maybe she felt she was a low priority while you were away. Which fostered resentment…. This to me is more plausible than the assumptions you have made about money/success.

An occasional video call is not the same as regular communication showing that you are interested in her and thinking of her regularly.

Original poster
CheesyPeeeps · 14/03/2026 06:58

Our DS’s had a falling out (from my son’s point of view) for a number of reasons. The latest one being that my son’s rugby team are going on a trip to italy. Her son isn’t sporty, but is a very bright boy, so has many other skills. Her son has been saying ‘who on earth would want to play rugby and what a complete waste of time to spend all that money to sit on a coach and then run around on a field getting bashed into.’ He was also quite unkind to DS about his recent test scores at school. Laughing at him. My DS does struggle with some subjects, and he was really hurt being mocked for that in-front of others. He recently went to sit next to him at lunch and was told there was no room for him. He also called my son gay recently. DS has been distancing himself, which I totally support. I told DS that it seems like something could be on his friends mind and that he could well change his ways but that, in the mean time, he shouldn’t be being treated like that. I am aware I only have half the story though and I wouldn’t have fallen out with my friend over it.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 14/03/2026 07:01

You moved away for two years. A few video calls don’t sustain a friendship at that distance unless it’s much deeper. There’s no mystery. You moved away and she moved on. It’s not about envy as you’re implying I don’t think. Just separate lives and no longer gelling. You’ve probably changed too, you can’t pick up where you left off with everyone.

pinkdelight · 14/03/2026 07:07

Just saw the update about the DS. Well it’s simpler that you’re not friends with the mum with that going on. I wonder if the other son might’ve felt a bit abandoned by yours when you left and now you’re back, there’s that resentment/dislike built up. Or they’ve just changed and are very different people now. Which is normal over that period at that age even without 2 years living different lives. My DSs used to get on great with their male cousin but in adolescence they’ve changed a lot and are very different. They wouldn’t get on at all if they weren’t related and it’s still awkward now. I wouldn’t think of this boy as DSs friend any more and build other friendships instead.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 14/03/2026 07:09

snackatack · 14/03/2026 00:18

Your post sounds like a 'haven't I done well' .. and 'she can't cope with it' post.. if that is how you come across in real life.. I'd move away from you too.

As children grow older - we make new friends and lose old ones.

Agreed.

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 14/03/2026 07:13

you haven’t kept in touch enough the friendship has drifted majorly, the dc don’t get on so in your friends eyes there probably isnt much point in keeping what little of the friendship left going. Video calls in a blue moon dont really cut it op.

Ohpleease · 14/03/2026 07:15

It’s interesting that you have assumed it’s to do with your change in fortunes. If she kept in touch with you whilst you were away in your exotic location it seems unusual that she’s only decided to be jealous about it after you got back? Have you spoken to her about what’s going on with your sons, does her son see things differently perhaps?

pinkdelight · 14/03/2026 07:17

Also it’s not really ghosting - it would be if you’d stayed and she’d stopped contacting you. But you moved away and aren’t good at texting. The death knell sounded then. Not blaming you for that but it’s a normal reaction to withdraw, it’s not the same as ghosting.