Ghosted by friend!!! Aibu?

[CheesyPeeeps]

I just don’t know what to think here.

I had a very good friend, who had a child the same age as mine. Our children went through a few years of school together and were very good friends. The only indication of anything being amiss with this friend was that she had a few previous tricky friendships that she would talk to me about, which I didn’t think too much of.

My husband was offered a fantastic work opportunity and we moved to quite an exotic place for a few years. During this time, I kept in touch with this friend mainly on Facebook. I am not very good at texting, and I always warn friends of this at the beginning of any friendship. And I have a really big family, which makes keeping in touch with everyone (particularly when so far away) very tricky.

Anyway, 2 years later, we returned to live in the UK. My friend and I were really looking forward to meeting up, but from the first meet up, things felt so weird. Before our move, my friend had been more wealthy than us, but DH had progressed quite a bit with his career over those couple of years. Also, we had been posting pictures of our travels on social media. Lots of family wanted us to share this, but I appreciate if my friend didn’t like seeing these. These are the only two things of that I could think changed our friendship whilst we were away but I really don’t know.

I invited my friend over to visit us as soon as we moved in to our new place, and she just went round the house insulting things. It’s tricky though, I thought maybe she had just had a bad day and tried to just move on.

However, our sons have drifted apart quite a bit since we moved and have now had a falling out, and I noticed that my friend has now unfollowed me on all social media. She still has other mutual friends.

What have I done here? I just can’t wrap my head around it? The last thing I did was invite her over for dinner and she declined and now this? I don’t understand. AIBU?

It was completely unnecessary to unfriend you when you have mutual friends especially and comes across as quite aggressive. I can see why it's hurtful but I think she's unhappy and bitter for some reason if she's so critical the whole time. Ignore her.

Sounds like jealousy has gotten the best of her. That’s too bad and there’s nothing you can do except grieve and get on with life.

She,s jealous, you don,t need a “friend” like that… to come into your house and bad mouth everything is unforgivable, i had a time in my life where financially i was in the gutter but still happy for friends who were doing well, i,ve never been jealous of anyone.. tis an awful affliction… sooo, this is not your fsult, it is her personanilty, be grateful she,s gone…new friends will come 🩷

Could you ask her why she has done this, "have you offended her" etc?

She sounds jealous and extremely rude with her comments. Plus her son's treatment of yours makes me think this is no real loss in terms of friendship. It will hurt now but it sounds like in the long term you will be better off without them.

I agree with this. She sounds jealous and doesn’t want to hear about how well you’ve done and continue to do. Friendships change, whilst it is sad when you lose someone you thought you were close to, sometimes you just need to accept it and move on.

It’s totally impossible for anyone on here to say whether your friend is being unreasonable.

I think what we can say is that friendships can come and go, and I’d suggest two years geographical separation and a friendship based largely on a situation is the kind that might drift.

I think it's your friends issue, not yours CheesyPeeeps. I had a friend who I met at an antenatal class, and we were friends till out children were about 14, then dropped. No argument, no nothing. I have friends, at home and abroad where we don't speak for ages but pick up from where we left off, months later

On looking back, she always liked to appear to be the more wealthy one of us, newer, bigger house and more expensive holidays until I started catching up. Once she even announced her son had a really expensive coat, but had made him leave it at home, so as not to make my son jealous. My son wasn't at the age at that time to even notice, but she was obviously bringing her son up to notice.

I feel we were friends but when the boys grew apart and then we moved to a bigger house, although supportive at first, this was the start of her cutting me out of her life.

We had been through a lot together and were friends in our own right, but looking back there was lots of instances like the coat incident but because it didn't bother me, I just didn't notice. It was her issue not mine.

I am the person that has moved to another country. Some friendships have fallen by the wayside as they would have done naturally as the children grew and others are strong. The OP says her friend was excited about her move back.

In your update when you said she had been negative about every room in the house. She seemed to be commenting on things the previous owner had done but agree she didn't need to verbalise everything she didn't like.

I suspect it's something to do with the son's fallout. Have you tried asking one of your mutual friends if she has said anything?

Some people ‘box’ friends and only use them for a specific need, it’s not that they don’t like them though but you serve a purpose. Situations change and when you no longer fit the box or they filled it with someone new in your absence you get dropped. It’s not personal but some people only cope with friendships right in front of them, and don’t have the headspace for long distance. It’s possible you are now receive the friend bashing she once did to you, and has unfollowed to fit the script to those listening/watching. She could also have been in competition with you unwittingly, and unfollowed and your happy posts trigger her. This would also explain her son being negative to yours, fuelled by her. Or there will have been some perceived slight and she’s ghosted you, as rightly or wrongly your posts irritate or trigger her