Page 9 | AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

MrHouse13 · 13/03/2026 14:26

How far away is the wedding?

AlbieJiggered · 13/03/2026 14:36

There will be no wedding photos - they'll be on a group the OP is excluded from.

outerspacepotato · 13/03/2026 14:45

Everything OP is being told is coming from partner. Did you actually see that message or did he just tell you about it? When is this wedding?

If he's had an early verbal invitation because he's providing major services, why has new woman already been invited? What's she providing?

Is there anyone or a partner in the friends group that you can ask and will give it to you straight? Join that group and see what's going on. Your partner is deliberately isolating you from the friends group and you're letting that happen.

You're ⚒️ ng up the shadiness or you wouldn't be here asking. I'm sorry. Do you work?

Tillow4ever · 13/03/2026 14:49

Agree a number of things seem off. Have you had any other concerns or gut feels about the woman who made the Instagram post?

Your partner should saying to his friends that he didn’t realise he wasn’t a good enough friend to have a full invite to the wedding, in which case the equipment is no longer available. It’s not blackmailing them into an invite - it’s not being taken for a mug. If they’re genuinely inviting 500 people, they aren’t short of money, they’re being tight.

Personally though I’d be trying to find out if his friends think the two of you have separated and he’s with the other woman now.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/03/2026 14:50

Oldknowe · 13/03/2026 11:09

Morning all, thank you for your replies especially those in the dead of night when I was fretting badly and unable to sleep.

This morning my partner has had a response from one of his friends who is also helping out with the reception, who has also just assumed his wife would be invited... we await the formal invites.

I'll try to answer your questions:

I'm not sure any of them have been invited to the actual wedding, just the reception party. A lot of them are helping out.
My partner was surprised by the "no plus one" as he is doing them a big favour
I'm not sure it means no plus ones at all
Yes I only know what he says about it all
Yes it's our teen who wanted to go and would be a help to his Dad with all the kit
I don't expect to be included in their group, they do occasionally go out to events together, that's fine. I think it's just in this case, because it's such a big event I feel excluded.
It hadn't occurred to me before that Instagram post there might be anything up at all.
We've had our ups and downs but been pretty happy for years.
I think she is a bit wild from the little I know of her. She's at least 10 years younger than the others.
I think it was over a year ago they first met this woman and shortly after that the post.
I've surprised myself at how low this has bought me. I may well be connecting a series of unfortunate events and fearing for the worst.

So it’s possible that friends wife isn’t going either to wedding so not just you excluded

this couple don’t seem as friends

so the wats app group men are all helping at wedding but barn then sent an invite yet

why or how did single woman get added to the make group

when is the wedding ?

Horses7 · 13/03/2026 15:04

I could well be the odd one out on MN but I’d go ballistic at partner - my H would know this too, so a situation like this would never arise.
You are being treated very disrespectfully by all concerned - your partner needs to either sort you an invite or stay away…… this is a slippery slope!

bafta16 · 13/03/2026 15:04

Oldknowe · 12/03/2026 23:46

So I had thought I got on ok with my partner's friends... I don't go out very often as I have the kids, but I am in their pub group chat.

I noticed it had been pretty quiet on the normally busy chat and mentioned it to my partner.

He said they had set up a new 'blokes only' chat, I wouldn't be able to join... oh well...

The thing is a month later I've found it's not; female partners of some of the others have been added, plus a newly single flirty woman.

(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)

Ok so I'm pissed off, it feels awful to be excluded but what can I do.

But now a friend is getting married, there's going to be "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending" - all of the friend group are involved, my partner is helping with the set-up of part of it using equipment from our house.

I've just found out I'm not invited.

I feel really bad inside. Desperately low.
What is wrong with me?

There is nothing wrong with you. I expect you are a kind, senstive person.

They are twats.

Pallisers · 13/03/2026 15:07

I can't get my head around a friend asking for a major favour - use and set up of expensive equipment for a wedding - and then doesn't even invite the person's partner of 20 years to join them for the evening party. I think people are imagining the friend group, including the wedding party, are colluding in the OP's partner having an affair because the alternative is so breath-takingly rude.

I don't think people's partners need to be invited to everything but this is one where the OP's partner needs to say outright "sorry mate but I'd doing you a massive favour - my equipment and my time. I expect X to be able to accompany me to the party after that."

Pedallleur · 13/03/2026 15:10

Auroraloves · 13/03/2026 00:28

Is she your friend?

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Of course she isn't. We know where this is going unless nipped in the bud now.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 13/03/2026 15:28

I imagine if he declines to provide his equipment and labour for free he'll very rapidly turn into a proper guest with a plus 1. Teenager should be paid for his time unless he is also friendly with the couple to be.

I would join the WhatsApp group, put a profile pic on there of the two of you and don't go down without a fight.

Boredinthecity · 13/03/2026 15:36

Nope. I wouldn't usually care, but 500 attendees and one of your friends who is doing you a favour can't bring his partner... i would put my foot down. I go or you don't...
I know I will get some heat for this, but you can't convince me that the money they are saving can't be spent on one more person... or that anyone knows 500 people they 'must' invite ahead of someone who's partner is doing them a favour.
If it walks like a duck...

Horses7 · 13/03/2026 15:50

Ps If this isn’t resolved I would cut the plugs off his equipment just before wedding. I really would!!

GreyCarpet · 13/03/2026 16:06

HandbagsAndHighHeels · 13/03/2026 14:08

Do you actually get whole groups of friends complicit with this sort of thing? I know you get it in tv dramas etc, but I don’t think I’ve ever come across it in real life ( and I’m quite old! )

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I don't know. I'm quite old too.

But, if he is having an affair, it's unlikely none of them know.

PopcornKitten · 13/03/2026 17:14

Op, there is a problem with this flirty woman. It’s not usual to put pictures like that with captions like that on your socials unless you a) believe you are in a relationship with the person b) want to cause drama within the group or/and couple c) are batshit.
if your DP is innocent he should want nothing to do with someone who is impacting your life in this way. You need to speak to him.

Wildgoat · 13/03/2026 17:16

PopcornKitten · 13/03/2026 17:14

Op, there is a problem with this flirty woman. It’s not usual to put pictures like that with captions like that on your socials unless you a) believe you are in a relationship with the person b) want to cause drama within the group or/and couple c) are batshit.
if your DP is innocent he should want nothing to do with someone who is impacting your life in this way. You need to speak to him.

That’s bullshi and makes you look like you’re trying ro stir up drama

FeyreArcheron · 13/03/2026 17:20

Wildgoat · 13/03/2026 17:16

That’s bullshi and makes you look like you’re trying ro stir up drama

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Of course it isn't. This woman is either extremely odd or there's something going on. Either way the OP's partner should be cutting ties with her.

EdithBond · 13/03/2026 18:10

HandbagsAndHighHeels · 13/03/2026 14:08

Do you actually get whole groups of friends complicit with this sort of thing? I know you get it in tv dramas etc, but I don’t think I’ve ever come across it in real life ( and I’m quite old! )

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You certainly do. Happened to a relative of mine - 40 years ago. Whole friendship group aware he was having an affair with someone else (divorced) in the group. Yet they all kept being friends with the wife, even when the cheating husband and OW were both present. Wife totally unaware. Until he left her and kids for OW.

Maybe these days someone would have the decency to let the wife know. But maybe not if wife isn’t much part of the group or disliked. Or women partners are too meek to say anything or “don’t want to interfere”.

PopcornKitten · 13/03/2026 18:17

Wildgoat · 13/03/2026 17:16

That’s bullshi and makes you look like you’re trying ro stir up drama

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I’m struggling to think of an acceptable alternative but feel free to enlighten me.
it’s clearly upset OP.

EdithBond · 13/03/2026 18:42

Yes it’s our teen who wanted to go and would be a help to his Dad with all the kit

Two scenarios IMHO:

These so-called ‘friends’ of DP are taking the piss. CFs. If they had to hire the equipment, they’d presumably have to pay for two people to bring it, set up and take down. Yet when their ‘friend’ agrees to do it for free, they won’t even agree to his son helping him (unless the son doesn’t stay and has to slope off home alone and come back at the end). Or expect their ‘friend’ to manage alone. When there are 500 guests at the party! Would anyone actually be that tight?

Your DP is lying. They’re grateful for your DP’s help. And quite happy to have your son there. And you too. But your DP doesn’t want your son (or you) there because it means he won’t be able to crack on with flirty woman.

OP, it’s no wonder you feel so low. Though many of us would be raging about either scenario.

Given, you’re hearing all of these explanations second hand via your DP (e.g. his friend also doesn’t know if his DP will get an invite), I’m sorry to say (unless/until I saw proof to contrary) I’d be erring towards scenario 2. He’s lying.

That’s why (as I said earlier) I’d go straight to the wedding couple and ask directly if they’re planning to invite me (on pretext of checking diary dates for other plans). If bride and groom are complicit in what your DP wants/affair, they may still cover for him, but at least they’d have to tell you directly you’re excluded - which will certainly make them look like CFs.

supersop60 · 13/03/2026 19:06

SemiSober · 13/03/2026 09:02

This whole situation is disrespectful and shows a lack of respect for not only you, but your husband - because why wouldn’t they allow him to bring a plus 1 when he’s saving them all that money by providing equipment?

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According to HIM.

supersop60 · 13/03/2026 19:10

Pallisers · 13/03/2026 15:07

I can't get my head around a friend asking for a major favour - use and set up of expensive equipment for a wedding - and then doesn't even invite the person's partner of 20 years to join them for the evening party. I think people are imagining the friend group, including the wedding party, are colluding in the OP's partner having an affair because the alternative is so breath-takingly rude.

I don't think people's partners need to be invited to everything but this is one where the OP's partner needs to say outright "sorry mate but I'd doing you a massive favour - my equipment and my time. I expect X to be able to accompany me to the party after that."

But he won’t. Because he doesn’t want her there.

Beentherecomeouttheotherside · 13/03/2026 19:22

Nailed it...

Beentherecomeouttheotherside · 13/03/2026 19:30

outerspacepotato · 13/03/2026 12:48

Your partner's friends have switched to a new chat. You're excluded, but not the new woman and other partners.

Your partner is loaning light and sound equipment and setup to a friend, saving them ££££ for a wedding of 500 but you and your son are specifically excluded and your partner, who is saving them ££££s, has not insisted that you also should be invited. He could make the equipment loan contingent on your presence. New woman is invited. She's fairly new to the friends group. But she ranks an invite where the guy who is saving them a ton of money can't get an invite for his partner. Oh, come on now.

New woman made an Instagram post with her and your partner saying she's found love. That's creepy as fuck if they're not seeing each other.

He could be being used by the friends for the equipment and setup. Or, he could be having an affair with new woman that the friends group is covering for and enabling.

This is shadier than the Bermuda Triangle.

Nailed it...

HandbagsAndHighHeels · 13/03/2026 19:35

EdithBond · 13/03/2026 18:10

You certainly do. Happened to a relative of mine - 40 years ago. Whole friendship group aware he was having an affair with someone else (divorced) in the group. Yet they all kept being friends with the wife, even when the cheating husband and OW were both present. Wife totally unaware. Until he left her and kids for OW.

Maybe these days someone would have the decency to let the wife know. But maybe not if wife isn’t much part of the group or disliked. Or women partners are too meek to say anything or “don’t want to interfere”.

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Eewww, that’s horrible!
Not only is there the betrayal by the partner, all the bloody mates are in on it as well😠
You would hope that someone would spill the beans and put a stop to it…

AlbieJiggered · 13/03/2026 19:47

Years ago I had a hobby. I can't say what as it would be outing but it wasn't cycling, triathlon or golf.
The group leader was married and his mistress was one of the hobby group.
I'm sure plenty in the group would have known his wife and not said anything.