AIBU to feel hurt I’m excluded from partner’s friend group?

[Oldknowe]

So I had thought I got on ok with my partner's friends... I don't go out very often as I have the kids, but I am in their pub group chat.

I noticed it had been pretty quiet on the normally busy chat and mentioned it to my partner.

He said they had set up a new 'blokes only' chat, I wouldn't be able to join... oh well...

The thing is a month later I've found it's not; female partners of some of the others have been added, plus a newly single flirty woman.

(This woman has previously posted a picture of herself and my partner with a caption like "she thinks she's dreaming but knows when she wakes it will still be true that she's found love!" on Instagram.)

Ok so I'm pissed off, it feels awful to be excluded but what can I do.

But now a friend is getting married, there's going to be "an amazing evening reception, with 500 people attending" - all of the friend group are involved, my partner is helping with the set-up of part of it using equipment from our house.

I've just found out I'm not invited.

I feel really bad inside. Desperately low.
What is wrong with me?

Absolutely this. He is allowing it, probably requesting it. He is having an open affair with this woman, or on the brink. No way should they not invite you to this wedding. Your husband is the problem.

Is the photo in a group you are part of and can comment? If so just say something like you can carry on dreaming but I and his children wake up with him every day and love and adore him ,that sort of thing just to make it clear.

as for the wedding it sounds like your partner is being used. He should just decline the use of the equipment and say he’s not free he’s spending the weekend with his family (who weren’t invited).

it’s fine for people to have their own friends and hobbies but it’s not ok for partners to be excluded for special occasions and to be made to feel like this.

Do they treat you differently because you are partner rather than wife normally? I’ve been with my partner over 20years and we are still treated differently at times, it’s very bizarre.

Sorry OP but I thing he is cheating on you with this woman and all the friends know about it

Exactly. It’s really disrespectful

That's why I said apparently, meaning his version is questionable.

I have attended two weddings where my partner wasn’t invited but it’s been work colleagues and they didn’t know him and it was all genuine.

This is however dodgy and I’m afraid he is having or is planning an affair.

How did you find out that flirty woman and several female partners were part of the blokes chat?

@OneNewEagle
the photo is on insta

Your partner needs to man up and charge for his sound and light equipment.
He should tell them -

Normally it would cost XX but due to us being friends all I'm charging is invitations for my family to the wedding.

If they are still mean, he should not attend and he needs to charge a fee that doesn't leave him out of pocket.

Now that your teenager is able to stay home alone, enjoy going out more with your DH to socialise.

or for the Op to find a new partner......

You've actually seen the "no plus ones and no kids" message with your own eyes? If so, I'd be wondering if your dp and the groom cooked up that message between them.

What did I just read???? From the basis of your post, there's nothing wrong with you. Nobody in their right mind would put up with this. I thought from your post title that you wanted to join your partner's mates' chat group - which would have been unreasonable - but it's much, much bigger than that! The Insta post of the woman saying she'd found love with your partner would be enough for me to be having one hell of a serious conversation with my husband - one that would end with me talking to a solicitor more than likely!

@Oldknowe What is your position here, with regard to finances, work, housing and children? I think you need to consider your options very seriously and have a back-up plan ready.
I think this looks as if it goes way beyond a WA group and wedding invitation.

NRTFT. He's going to the wedding with the woman as his plus one.

Post a reply letting her know you've seen the picture.

Or for the OP to find her own friendship group

both probably

Maybe at some point, but just for now I think OP needs to be in info-gathering and plan-making mode.'

The Big Reveal always feels cathartic but you don't want to fire too soon and let him cover his tracks.

Morning all, thank you for your replies especially those in the dead of night when I was fretting badly and unable to sleep.

This morning my partner has had a response from one of his friends who is also helping out with the reception, who has also just assumed his wife would be invited... we await the formal invites.

I'll try to answer your questions:

• I'm not sure any of them have been invited to the actual wedding, just the reception party. A lot of them are helping out.
• My partner was surprised by the "no plus one" as he is doing them a big favour
• I'm not sure it means no plus ones at all
• Yes I only know what he says about it all
• Yes it's our teen who wanted to go and would be a help to his Dad with all the kit
• I don't expect to be included in their group, they do occasionally go out to events together, that's fine. I think it's just in this case, because it's such a big event I feel excluded.
• It hadn't occurred to me before that Instagram post there might be anything up at all.
• We've had our ups and downs but been pretty happy for years.
• I think she is a bit wild from the little I know of her. She's at least 10 years younger than the others.
• I think it was over a year ago they first met this woman and shortly after that the post.
• I've surprised myself at how low this has bought me. I may well be connecting a series of unfortunate events and fearing for the worst.

If your partner is DJing it's quite usual for them to have a roadie. So teen son.

If he's an actual guest it's different

If 500 people are invited, they are definitely inviting plus ones. That is just mean x

Likely yes, but it will be plus ones they are friends with or family. The op is neither.

I’d also say the wording used here, plus one, shows the op is not friends with them, it is an anonymous phrase, if they’d said Jane can’t come it would be different, but this is simply about this is his friendship group, she is not part of it, wishes to be, but sadly isn’t, and ghe groom has invited his friends.

He told me. I'm suspecting other partners were also a bit miffed!

Sounds like your DH and his friends are just being used as helpers and equipment providers.

If DH goes, I would lose a lot of respect for him and wouldn’t be going out of my way to help him
in future.