Funeral directors share our private road - AIBU about what I saw yesterday?

[Habbyhadno]

This is such a random post but…

I live at the top of a private road just off a main road in a small town. At the main road end we have a funeral directors that faces the street, the building is tiny and it’s a branch of another directors in a neighbouring town where the directors is very much a shop front.

I thought this one would be the same, but they do seem to store bodies in there. We’ve had a fair few hearses park on our road as we turn into it (at the side of the shop), I literally have to squeeze my car up the road as obviously hearses take up a lot of space and the road isn’t wide at all, it’s a bit of an inconvenience but whatever.

However, last night me and my three kids 6,8 and 12 were heading out and we were all walking down the road and I spy a private ambulance with the back door open and clearly two bodies were in black bags in the back of the van.

There were two people out there about to start manoeuvring the bodies into the building, but I’m a bit icked out by it all, I don’t really think the kids need to see that and I felt a bit weird about seeing it (there’s not any other way we could have gone as the road is small and there was no getting away from it).

Do you think I should pop in and speak to them about being aware of who is around when they are unloading bodies or AIBU? I just feel like they could make the operation a bit more concealed rather than hoiking them out literally in the street, it seems a bit disrespectful and it’s been playing on my mind. What do I do?

You'd be surprised how many funeral directors have small rooms out back to store bodies. Some have specialised fridges, others have cold rooms. It's all perfectly normal. One of our branches could store up to 20 bodies in separate fridge compartments and had a separate room where the embalmer worked. They too used to have to unload from a back road as they had no private yard. As long as the body is enclosed in a zipped up bag, being moved between van and premises quickly, and they're handling it with care and compassion, then it shouldn't be an issue.

But that was an emergency, not a routine occurrence at an established business.

As lots of people have said, it is usually done more discreetly than in the example in the OP. I would think it slightly off, but would speak to neighbours about it first.

People should be allowed to say whatever they want. If saying ‘passed’ is what they’re comfortable with, then that’s entirely up to them. You want to say ‘died’ they want to say ‘passed’ 🤷‍♀️

Why do you think everyone is the same as you?
Yes, I would buy that house if that was the house I wanted to live in.

But in a residential street, blocking access to people who live there. Doesn't sound ideal.

It doesn’t sound like access is being blocked at all, if that was the case OP would have mentioned it.

Surely it is done discreetly if the OP has only seen this one single time in 2 years??

I assume the funeral directors were there when you bought the house. I think it's important to understand death is inescapable and could happen any time. One of my husband's best friends parents were funeral directors and he grew up next door to a chapel of rest, he is completely unphased by it.

At no point have I said everyone is like me. They clearly are not. The benefit of MN is you get to read other's opinions.

This is bothering the OP and I can see why. You can't and that's perfectly fine. You buy a house next to Boots or any business you want. It bothers me in no way at all. HTH.

if you don’t think k everyone thinks the same as you, why have you said

Would you buy a house if you turned up for a viewing and you witnessed this, even once? No you wouldn't. Don't pretend this is OK

You’ve done what so many do on MN, if you don’t ageee with what I say you’re pretending or lying.

No, we just think you’re wrong!

Do you think this might have be due to the time you went out OP? By which I mean the deceased had died at home and the ambulance was carrying the body to the nearest funeral home owned by the company. My DH died at home, was taken in a body bag to the ambulance and then on to the funeral directors. It was late evening and he was probably taken in from the road to the back entrance. Looking at the lay out an ambulance would find it hard to get down the side, but a hearse would be able to. Would that be the case here? If you think about it, the deceased left his home in a body bag, possibly in front of other people in the street. Sometimes, it's inevitable.

Ok, if it's not a regular occurrence, I'd see if it was just a one off or if it happens again.

So many people on this thread agree with the op though. It's a split thread.

Death is part of life. Children are never to young to learn this.

Also, in my experience, I have never come across anyone in the 'death industry' be disrespectful to the deceased.

Do they? I live next or to a funeral directors and they have no garage. They drive round the back of the property and unload bodies into the building through the back door. I think that’s quite standard.

It sounds like where the OP is the funeral directors have a property with the rear on a private road so they are minimising the amount of people likely to see anything.

A lot of small funeral directors are using pre existing buildings rather than new purpose built facilities. They do the best they can. I know my local one said he spent a long time waiting for a suitable property to become available as they wanted one with a large back yard that they could drive into.

You said

Would you buy a house if you turned up for a viewing and you witnessed this, even once? No you wouldn't

So you’re assuming that people wouldn’t buy the house because they must feel the same way as you about it (and that if they say that they don’t then they’re ‘pretending’?)

Yes, I would buy the house. Because I don’t feel the same way as you do about it.

What is specifically worse about a body bag than a coffin? Do you think it’s just psychologically more real/raw to you, or a reminder of what goes on in there? - It doesn’t actually make any difference to the deceased or their families if they are unidentifiable.

Just for info -

http://evansaboveonline.co.uk/after-death/transporting-the-body/

Probably a shock first time but I would be ok with it.

I have an issue with the deceased being left unattended with the door open. Nothing would happen. However, I got a lot of comfort knowing/ thinking my Dad was not left alone during the initial period after he died and was taken away.

But at home you have no choice but to move a body in this way. A business is totally different.

To be able to see both ends of the body you would have had to be staring right into the van!

But the body was probably being taken in the body bag to the funeral directors. It was in a private ambulance. What is supposed to happen to the body from A to B so that it's not brought into the premises in a body bag? I'm struggling with what people expect.

The body is transferred within the FD premises, not on a street. They have yards where the vehicles back in or drive in.

It makes no sense. Body being taken in public from A to B is apparently fine, but moved from B to C and it’s totally different.

here

This is very similar, perhaps both posters live on the same street.