Funeral directors share our private road - AIBU about what I saw yesterday?

[Habbyhadno]

This is such a random post but…

I live at the top of a private road just off a main road in a small town. At the main road end we have a funeral directors that faces the street, the building is tiny and it’s a branch of another directors in a neighbouring town where the directors is very much a shop front.

I thought this one would be the same, but they do seem to store bodies in there. We’ve had a fair few hearses park on our road as we turn into it (at the side of the shop), I literally have to squeeze my car up the road as obviously hearses take up a lot of space and the road isn’t wide at all, it’s a bit of an inconvenience but whatever.

However, last night me and my three kids 6,8 and 12 were heading out and we were all walking down the road and I spy a private ambulance with the back door open and clearly two bodies were in black bags in the back of the van.

There were two people out there about to start manoeuvring the bodies into the building, but I’m a bit icked out by it all, I don’t really think the kids need to see that and I felt a bit weird about seeing it (there’s not any other way we could have gone as the road is small and there was no getting away from it).

Do you think I should pop in and speak to them about being aware of who is around when they are unloading bodies or AIBU? I just feel like they could make the operation a bit more concealed rather than hoiking them out literally in the street, it seems a bit disrespectful and it’s been playing on my mind. What do I do?

It wouldn’t bother me. Death is a part of life. The body bags were supervised, protected and anonymous. Talk to your DC about it when they ask. Teach them not to be afraid of death and the dead, which are just as normal as birth, life, living.

Was the place there when you moved in, or is it new? Ultimately you would be unreasonable to expect them to check who's around before they unload a body.

It does seem weird - the three funeral directors local to me all have lockable yards or private gated car parks to unload. Were they doing it from the street?

I think you're being a bit precious to be honest

I’d not particularly want to see that either. However you live in a house, in a town, on the same street as the funeral director, and they are in the business of dead bodies. I doubt there’s many sneakier ways of going about getting the bodies inside, when an ambulance rocks up they have to deal with the contents of it.

They were in body bags. There was nothimg to see. YABU I'm.afraid

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest and my children would have been fascinated when younger. It's a good opportunity to have a chat with them about life and death and ensure they understand it's natural and not something to be hushed up and hidden away.

Is there actually anywhere else they’d be able to do it (private yard for example), or does it have to be on the street? If there’s nowhere else then, well, it is what it is.

That's bizarre and shouldn't be normal. There is dignity in death and uploading loved ones on a street in front of the public is certainly not.
I'd put in a complaint to your local council.
I live very close to a couple of funeral parlours and have never ever seen bodies removed. That is most disrespectful. I hope their loved ones don't know about it.

I wouldn’t want to see that either on a frequent basis. How does it usually happen?

You can make this a very banal thing for your children and provide them with a healthy perspective on death. Alternatively, you can make a big deal out of shielding them.

People die. Bodies get transported. This is not something that needs to be hidden. It is only something that needs to be done with reasonable respect.

What’s the difference between a body bag and a coffin? Coffins are displayed very visibly.

While I understand that it’s not a pleasant thing to be confronted with, especially with children in tow, I do think you are BU.

This is part of a funeral director’s (very important) role. They transport human remains from the hospital or nursing home or wherever and bring them to their premises to be prepared for a decent and dignified send off. They are normal businesses and don’t operate secret warehouses or have access to underground tunnels in order to keep their work from view of the public.

Again, I do understand it’s not nice too see unexpectedly but you can’t ask them to only work under cover of darkness (which would be sort of worse??) or to close the street down or what have you.

It can be uncomfortable to think about the practical realities of what happens at the end of life but maybe doing so might help you feel better about your neighbours.

People die!! You sound a bit precious and slightly disrespectful to be honest- you could have turned back and waited

I don’t think it would go any harm to go and have a quiet word. Explain the circumstances and ask if they can just be more aware of their surroundings and who may be about.

At least the neighbours are quiet....

I’d feel really uncomfortable about it, especially if my three DC were with me. I have no idea if you can do anything about it. We have a funeral office just around the corner. We never see anything as they have a yard and a car park around the back of the building. Everything is conducted completely out of sight.

really?

This is AIBU so people will say you are being unreasonable, precious, that death is normal, would not bother them or their worldly-wise children etc etc.

But of course it is odd and I think direspectful, - to the dead, their families and the neighbourhood . I think most funeral directors would be far more discrete about this kind of thing. It’s not normal to see body bags on the high streets of our towns is it!

I agree that this seems abnormal.
I would expect for business licensing/planning approval they should have a private gated and secure parking area, normally at the rear of premises - rather than actually on the highway.
I think the Council should be made aware.
(Having some experience of this, albeit decades ago)

But if the funeral directors doesn’t have a private yard how else are they supposed to get the bodies inside? Unless they only do it in the dead of night?

If the deceased had died in their own home then those same body bags will have been seen by whoever (adult or child) was in the vicinity.

I'm 100% positive I've read this exact same post before.

Unless they are piling them up naked on the pavement I think you are being ridiculous. I’m sure your children realise that people die.

^this is wouldn't mind being next door to a funeral director/cemetery any thing other than noisy neighbours