Funeral directors share our private road - AIBU about what I saw yesterday?

[Habbyhadno]

This is such a random post but…

I live at the top of a private road just off a main road in a small town. At the main road end we have a funeral directors that faces the street, the building is tiny and it’s a branch of another directors in a neighbouring town where the directors is very much a shop front.

I thought this one would be the same, but they do seem to store bodies in there. We’ve had a fair few hearses park on our road as we turn into it (at the side of the shop), I literally have to squeeze my car up the road as obviously hearses take up a lot of space and the road isn’t wide at all, it’s a bit of an inconvenience but whatever.

However, last night me and my three kids 6,8 and 12 were heading out and we were all walking down the road and I spy a private ambulance with the back door open and clearly two bodies were in black bags in the back of the van.

There were two people out there about to start manoeuvring the bodies into the building, but I’m a bit icked out by it all, I don’t really think the kids need to see that and I felt a bit weird about seeing it (there’s not any other way we could have gone as the road is small and there was no getting away from it).

Do you think I should pop in and speak to them about being aware of who is around when they are unloading bodies or AIBU? I just feel like they could make the operation a bit more concealed rather than hoiking them out literally in the street, it seems a bit disrespectful and it’s been playing on my mind. What do I do?

Bloody hell. What kind of dignity for the people in the bags is that??
I would move. I would so so move.

I’m Irish and have seen far too many bodies (open caskets) so I’m not quesy at all, but I think in a residential area they should have a better system. Some funeral homes have like a garage that the hearse pulls into and the body can be removed respectfully.

If you and your child felt uncomfortable I would speak to them and ask if this will be a common occurance.

Not if they haven’t got a yard at the premises.

How would you like them to be concealed - rolled up in a carpet?

That is what happens after people die.

Maybe it’s all a front for a criminal gang. Is their “No questions asked, we’ll handle the body.”

This is the crux of it. It's rather naive to move into a home that close to a funeral home and not expect that you'll occasionally see them unloading one of their clients.

You ANBU to feel uncomfortable, we are notoriously weird about death in the West. But you would be unreasonable to have a word or complain.

Much better would be to find a way to get more comfortable with it, and to allow your kids to. I remember lots of traditions around respecting the dead when I was little. If we saw a hearse my Granny would cross herself and say a prayer. I wasn't religious, but I was encouraged to stop and bow my head in respect, which was a wide practice in East End London. Could you do the same with your kids? Explain that dead people aren't scary, they are just mums, dads, sisters and brothers who have passed away. That they are taken to a funeral home to be looked after, and relatives might visit, before they are buried or cremated. And its nice to pay our respects to these people.

Just ring the council and ask if the process is respectful and private enough?

I didn’t know what to expect when I saw the thread title but it was much worse that what you saw!

The rollers are geared up for coffins and wouldn't work with a coffin bag.

Are you serious???? You may have to move
if this carries on
I can’t believe my eyes 👀

I don't think that someone not wanting to see bodies in bags makes them particularly uptight about death or not able to have healthy conversations with their kids about it.

I understand why people feel upset, or moved, or anxious or whatever about seeing what the OP did, and that it might bring about complex feelings.

People have commented upthread about how they would feel upset if that was one of their loved ones being moved around in view of anyone passing. I think that's a valid POV and probably a fairly common one. Most FD are mindful of that kind of thing and are usually very discreet.

I have to say that I agree with pps about saying '... has passed' instead of '...has died.' I find 'passed' really irritating, but again, people's relationship with death can be very complicated, and if using 'passed' feels better for them, then of course they must use it.

Thought the undertaker was on a private rd

I'd have some sympathy maybe, if it were a new business. But it's a bit like when people move next to a pub and then complain about drunks and smoking; wildly unreasonable! The world doesn't change around you, to accommodate you in particular!

Obviously you are spooked by dead bodies, as am I, if I'm being really honest. But your children are fresh minds that can be shaped to not fear or fixate on death - having death normalised like this at the end of their road could be a gift to them, in a weird sort of way, depending on how you play it. No-one will benefit from you complaining about it.

Death is part of life. Unless you saw their faces/ could identify them then I think you are being fussy!

I’m fairly sure the council will have approved use of the premises.

Who has to move? I’m not moving anywhere!

I suspect that they don't know this is happening at that particular location. OP had already said that they have another location ten minutes away, that does have proper facilities for transfer and storage of the deceased.

I wouldn't be surprised if this location is for admin or interviewing relatives, and it's being used as overflow without permission.

Where did OP mention “gawping” ffs??

Which department would deal with that? What happens when someone dies at home? How can they be out in a private ambulance?

She’s also already said that she knows bodies are stored there because they leave for funerals in hearses from that location.

It wouldn't bother me and, me being as vague as I am, I probably wouldn't have noticed.

Death is not a taboo subject for me, I have witnessed it several times and will one day experience it. It's part of life.

Did you quote the wrong post or was that a non sequitur?

Ogling? Seriously?
I am sorry you have lost your husband but to suggest that the general public would be ogling at a brief glimpse of a sealed body bag is beyond weird even by MN standards.