Hi all,
I have 3 DC, my eldest D1 is 23, she has a different dad from my other 2 children and she now lives abroad. I then have DD2 who is 17 and DS who is 15. Their dad and I got divorced 6 years ago.
Over the last 6 months I have found DD2 incredibly difficult to live with, she is constantly putting herself down, the rest of the family down and generally just being impossible to manage. She’s in Y12, she did well in her GCSEs and was a happy kid prior to this.
The first thing is she is obsessed with her looks, I think she is beautiful, but she is insistent she is ugly, fat and it’s my fault as I chose to have her with her “ugly” dad. This results in her constantly comparing herself to her sister. My older daughter is tall and skinny, she always has been but she’s also very active and eats well. Her dad is Spanish and she got her skin tone from him. DD2 is forever (I mean daily) saying she hates me for having her with an ugly man, it’s not fair that DD1 is prettier etc. I try to tell her she is stunning and she needs to stop being so harsh on herself and I’m sure DD1 has insecurities too, but she doesn’t listen. She is a little overweight, this is mainly as she is very lazy, she gets the bus to school even though it’s only a 30 minute walk, she eats crap at lunch time even if I offer to help pack her a lunch she just uses money her dad gives her to go to Greggs or McDonalds.
The next issue is DD1 has a Spanish passport from her dad, she’s currently living and working in Portugal as a result. DD2 is constantly telling me how unfair it is she doesn’t have an EU passport and is trapped here, she gets quite angry at me, like it was my choice!
She’s also very messy, her room is a constant mess, I’ve banned food from upstairs but she just sneaks it up in her backpack so the floor is covered in clothes, wrappers and general rubbish.
In addition to all this, she keeps putting DS down saying no one likes him, people think he’s weird/geeky etc. I have told her to stop saying this but she doesn’t listen. It’s hard to punish her as her dad pays her phone so I can’t remove it without causing an argument with him about how I have no right to do that.
She also never keeps to curfew, if I ban her from going out she just goes to her dads and he lets her out. Any conversation with him about her behaviour is met with she’s fine with me and I will parent her however I like when she is with me.
She keeps threatening me anytime I tell her off, saying she will just move in with her dad permanently! I’m so tempted to say fine do so! The constant moaning, comparing and breaking of rules is getting me down, it upsets DS and my older DD has said she hates coming home when she knows DD2 is there as she is just going to be called stupid, too skinny, and be moaned at.
AIBU to be at my wits end with her? Should I let her go stay with her dad and see if he can sort this more than I can?