It’s a DH one.. feeling resentful

[Browndoor25]

DH lost his job in November and is still looking for something. I do understand that must be hard and I’ve tried to be supportive and not pile pressure on. In the meantime though I’m juggling multiple jobs just to keep everything going. I’m getting up at 5.30am five days a week and working weeks without a single day off. On top of that I’m doing the usual mum stuff with a small child. He is helping with the housework more now at least. Our child has just had a birthday as well and I organised the entire party myself.. invites, food, shopping, party bags, the lot. The thing that tipped me over today was that I asked him if he could do a bit of training with the dog (which we really need to keep on top of). He rolled his eyes and said it was “tiring”. I’m honestly just feeling completely exhausted and a bit resentful that it feels like I’m carrying everything at the moment. I don’t want to be unfair because I know losing a job can knock someone’s confidence. But at the same time I’m up at 5.30am most days and working flat out.

AIBU to feel annoyed about the eye-rolling and the “tiring” comment, or am I being unreasonable given the situation?

Your ddog should be at Crufts standards by now.
And your house pristine.
Curious to know if he finds energy for gaming?

He's a lazy bastard. What's he doing all day????

Wtf is he doing all day?
The house should be pristine, all your meals and DC looked after, anything admin related done by him, dog winning awards for its agility, all the diy jobs we put on hold done, gutters cleaned and windows washed.

But seriously... what does he do that tires him out so much?

Helping with the housework? He lives there and he's at home all day.

Unless he is literally spending all day every day looking for a job, he should be taking all the household burdens on himself to ease your burden and make sure you only have to work and then relax!

Helps with housework?

He’s ’helping with the housework’…well what a hero. Tell the lazy bastard that what’s tiring is working more than full time while doing the majority of the unpaid work. Moping around for 4 months while you pay for everything and run yourself ragged is not on.

@Browndoor25 if he’s not looking for a job he should be getting on with home-life needs.

Create a list of jobs that need doing - do it together and say it’s for you both to work through - when not working or looking for a job. Do the odd one or two things on it, just so he feels you’re working together but leave the rest for him. He may be reluctant like any of us, but hopefully he’ll just suck-it up and get on with them.

Well, he is a shit husband and a shit father.

tell to get a grip. He should be doing all the housework and parenting.

@Browndoor25 why is he not doing all the load at home, house dog, family life admin, picking up more with child care etc. Why are you letting him get away with doing so little?

" helping" with the housework!?

FFS, he should be doing all the housework.

We had an argument about it. I said he was insensitive. He says it’s possible for two people to be tired. I was accused of always making things about me. He is looking for a job, he has to right a cover letter tailored to every job, his industry isn’t in a good place so lots of rejections- I get that’s tiring. It’s hard.

Tell him to use ChatGPT, then he will have a lot more time for housework

Helping more with the housework?!!You shouldn’t be lifting a finger at home! You’re working seven days a week juggling multiple jobs, you should be coming home to a sparkling house and dinner cooked every day! Lazy sod.

OP if the shoe was on the other foot, would you be doing basic levels of housework and complaining about being tired? He's had Xmas and the best part of 4 months off, I get that it's tiring to look for another job, but he's taking the absolute piss.

How many jobs has he applied for in the last 4 months? Is he insinuating he's spending 40hrs a week writing tailored cover letters... abd us still jobless?

Being at home alone all week, means that 2 hours of housework a day would have the place bloody gleaming.

Have you pointed out that most people have to look for a new job…while working in their current job? And as for tailoring cover letters - use Chat GPT as a PP has said.

JFC you have to ask this?!

Why the fuck should she write a list for a grown adult who has bugger else to do all day?
Honestly, I despair sometimes.

“DH, I understand you may be feeling low about the whole situation regarding losing your job however I am trying to keep this family going financially by myself right now meaning that you need to get yourself together and keep this family going in other ways. I can’t be expected to work as much as I am and be doing as much childcare and housework as I am. You need to do more.”

Simple.

My DH is retiring this year. I’m not. I’ve already told him I imagine the house will be pristine when I get home. I’m half joking, but if he told me doing anything was ‘tiring’ when I come home from a hard day at the coal face, I’d turn round and go out again. To a spa. Or a hotel. Maybe a pub.

She wants the jobs done!

He’d probably rather not be told what to do.

So she finds a way that works to get her jobs done. The joint list was just an idea.

So keep your hair on lovey!

"Her" jobs

WTAF!