It’s a DH one.. feeling resentful

[Browndoor25]

DH lost his job in November and is still looking for something. I do understand that must be hard and I’ve tried to be supportive and not pile pressure on. In the meantime though I’m juggling multiple jobs just to keep everything going. I’m getting up at 5.30am five days a week and working weeks without a single day off. On top of that I’m doing the usual mum stuff with a small child. He is helping with the housework more now at least. Our child has just had a birthday as well and I organised the entire party myself.. invites, food, shopping, party bags, the lot. The thing that tipped me over today was that I asked him if he could do a bit of training with the dog (which we really need to keep on top of). He rolled his eyes and said it was “tiring”. I’m honestly just feeling completely exhausted and a bit resentful that it feels like I’m carrying everything at the moment. I don’t want to be unfair because I know losing a job can knock someone’s confidence. But at the same time I’m up at 5.30am most days and working flat out.

AIBU to feel annoyed about the eye-rolling and the “tiring” comment, or am I being unreasonable given the situation?

@Browndoor25 Show him your OP.

Sounds fair enough for me!

That attitude would put me off him for good.
Different circumstances here, no kids and assets in another country, I would be divorcing his lazy, entitled arse.
Sorry.

Has he got family /friend he can take his pen and fuck off to?

You sound like a nice person.

I don't know why these men aren't fucking embarrassed, ask him if he'd not embarrassed, not about losing his job but the actual waste of fucking space he has become since.
Stop cooking, cleaning and doing anything that he soley benefits from.

Thank you. I am.

I'm sorry OP, this sounds back breaking and huge well done to you for keeping this family afloat. I hope when he gets another job he will take a minute to thank you for everythinf you have done.

In the meantime, tell him you are at breaking point. He needs to do the housework and do childcare. If he doesn't know where to start, he can google it. Tell him he can set reminders to do it while he gets into a new routine. As PP have said, now he has applied to so many jobs and written so many cover letters, he can get AI to tailor new ones from these and it will still be his work. And be clear with him, there is only so long you can keep all the plates spinning. At some point you will need to go back to normal working hours. At that point, you can reshare home tasks evenly. But if he doesn't do this now you will burn out and then there will be no-one to bring money in.

What a loser.

Don’t put up with this.

I have been told I am quite amusing. Thanks lovey. 😘

I said this on a thread yesterday. He’s not going to get a job when you’re enabling him, is he? Funny how you can hold down multiple roles and he can’t get one. He’s a net negative on your life. Goodbye to him. You’ve got an amazing work ethic, make it work for you!

It’s going on 4mths, time to stop this only jobs his industry , any job, even part time in a warehouse.
What is the lazy get doing all day, you should have a pristine house and a perfect pup!!

They’re not her jobs though. They are the joint jobs of two adults who both live in the same house with their joint children.

He isn’t doing her a favour by doing these jobs. They’re his to do as well and if she’s working crazy hours to try and keep their families heads above water he should be doing more than his usual share of household and child based duties.

Has he tried to pick up some casual work at least, while looking for something more long term.

If this was me I would do anything - dog walking, babysitting, cleaning, bar work.... To being at least some money in.

And meantime the home would be spotless.

But strangely, then men I have cohabited with in the past never saw things the same way.

Which is the reason I now live alone! And won't cohabit again until my partner discovers a different attitude towards housework/finances - I love him very much, great bloke in loads of ways and great to spend time with, but I'm not his mom, and not prepared to care for him full time as if I were!

Previous partners have been just the same too. To me it's inexplicable!

No advice OP, but much sympathy.

He needs to do ANYTHING to get an income going. driver Uber in the evenings while he's looking for a permanent solution, anything! It's really unfair to put the entire financial burden on you and I'm shocked he hasn't bothered to do this already.

I only said her jobs because he doesn’t care if they get done and she does. That’s all!

At this point he should’ve contacted an agency and took on ANY work going. There’s nothing more off putting than a work shy lazy sack of 💩

I mean, it’s demoralising, but it’s not tiring - there’s no actual reason he can’t pick up the slack since you’re compensating work wise.

….. or he could get any job that comes along in the meantime. There’s always agency work.

It’s absolutely baffling that someone would treat anyone like this, let alone their alleged loved one, and the other person just puts up with it.

What the absolute fuck op?

I mean seriously, if you’re doing umpteen hours at work , surely it’s blindingly obvious that he should be doing all the housework, and the childcare whilst you’re at work.

how on earth did you end up having a baby with someone so clearly selfish and lazy?

Yeah that’s really bad. My DH lost his job at a similar time and he had a new one by December, thankfully. He has already started looking because he knew th writing was on the wall but there is often some warning, did you DH not have any clue? Definitely get him speeding up these applications, there’s copilot and ChatGPT which are soooo helpful. Can then adapt a bit from there. Seriously though he now has a huge gap on his cv and things are going to get harder. Can he not leverage any contacts, does he have a linked in? Can he expand his search further afield, different industries? Since he is doing barely anything all day by the sounds of it surely he could get a part time job at least eg coffee shop, tesco, care work or teaching assistant, building site?!
He needs to be focused eg 10-2 full time in job search and the rest of the day he should be looking after the house, your dog and doing school runs to help out and stop being such a burden on the home. He can then do more applications and such during the evening after he’s made dinner and tidied up. My DH also did a fair bit of exercise which I was happy enough with because he needed a boost to his mental health.

Sorry but I'm male. Probably much older than your DH. Retired 2 years ago. Wife works part time, sees a lot of her elderly mum and is involved in a charity...so I took over the cleaning, I already cooked. Wife does the shopping as it ties in with her charity.

What is your extra child doing with his life?

Btw I also have a part time job for an undertaker which means I'm often out for a couple hours a day.

My DH is currently not working, since end of December ( he does now have a job lined up for April).

Since his last day at work, I have not stepped in a supermarket, cooked a single meal, picked up a mop, done bath time or done any solo childcare (except bedtime, toddler will currently only fall asleep for me).

I work in HR consultancy. I've seen a gazillion covering letters. Whilst it is true, each needs to be tailored but anyone with a brain has the basis of the letter/supporting statement and just adapts it slightly according to the spec they're matching against. It's a very quick job. He is taking the piss.