How long is acceptable to be off work

[shortsout]

After losing a grandparent?

I don't think you can give a standard response. Everyone has different relationships with their grandparents. Some see them as much as parents, be the closest family, and others a couple of times a year at most. It also can make it difficult for managers to potentially understand a stronger bereavement than they might have. Just try not to overthink it before he has had the meeting, it might just be a check in. But also try not to let him dwell, grandparents of adults have often had a good, long life so remember positively as much as you can. Hope he feels better soon

We get the same. It could be a friend, doesn't have the be a relative. Obviously hardly anyone would actually take it, I've never actually known anyone have more than a day or two.

When my Grandma died, a very beloved grandma, but she wasn't a parent to me or anything. The funeral was a 6 hour drive away assuming the traffic was good. Could easily take 8 hours. So I needed 3 days off. I only had 1 day annual leave left which I used. But my boss (in the NHS) said you only get 1 day special leave so you'll need to be back in the day after the funeral, which would have meant dragging myself, young children and husband on a 6-8 hour drive home late in the evening having just been through the emotion of saying farewell to my grandma. They eventually saw it was a bit mean and let me have 2 days.

That was when I was on the bottom rung of the NHS corporate ladder. I've moved to a different department now, and since learned bosses are much more liberal with time off the higher up the ladder you are! I've known people have a week or more off for all sorts of bereavements!

For grandparents it’s nothing at my place of work. The day of the funeral would be allowed and if the person was very close to their grandparent then they would treat it as normal compassionate leave which is 5 days max (unless it’s a child), but no more than that, and that would be very rare.

Your husband has in effect had 4 days compassionate leave (I know the weekends don’t count, but if he’s had the Monday off, he is saying he was too distraught to go in after already dealing with it for 3 days prior). I would say it’s borderline excessive if he wasn’t overly close, but it’s hard to know that really without being you or your husband.

1day for the funeral I would say. Unless grandparent was like a parent.

3 days bereavement leave for a close family member is standard as far as I know.

Day of death and funeral

It's just a wellbeing check. If all else - check the company policy on compassionate leave.

I would say one day and one day for the funeral.

My boss generously gave me two days plus the day of the funeral when my mother died fairly recently.

People who work in large structured organisations with all the benefits and sick/compassionate/parental leave entitlements enshrined in a contract have no idea what it's like for the average Joe or Josephine in small businesses in the private sector.

My old work place policy was something along the lines of there is no policy as grief impacts people differently. People took off what they needed to and nobody took the piss, talked about what each other had off etc.

What I think is reasonable and what an employer allows are two different things.

It depends on employer and circumstances. It can even vary depending on line manager. When my dad died on a Wednesday I was called on the Friday and told I was expected to be in on the Monday. When my father in law died, they told me to take at least a week. Same organisation, different reporting line.

I always think the 'at manager's discretion' is very dodgy legally. It opens up the possibility of discrimination or unfair/different treatment where people have different managers in the same organisation.

Or in teaching. For a grandparent it would be one day off, without pay.
For my Mum I got 3 days, my Dad 2. Partly because the funerals were 400 miles away.

I’d probably only have the day of the funeral off.

I recently took one day (paid) for the funeral. IME it's usually guided by the employee- in my previous role my direct report lost a grandparent he was very close to and we were able to arrange quite a long period including some time under carer's leave rather than bereavement to deal with admin for his gran.

I wouldn’t be overly worried about his meeting, unless he has a poor track record of sickness/absences etc. The only thing that I may be a bit concerned over is that from what you have said he ‘told’ his employer he wouldn’t be in, rather than asking. As I said before most places don’t include grandparents in compassionate leave and as he is on a Zero hour contract I would imagine that would apply to him. It may be a meeting to discuss his attitude as that would happen in my place of work if someone just called in and said they aren’t coming. It also could just be a standard return to work to check he is okay.

I think the fact you are asking whether he should be worried is a bit telling as I don’t know why you automatically think he would loose his job because he had a couple of days off work. I’m presuming there is something else going on alongside it which has you worried this may be the final straw?

Yes, though very few people would actually take more than a day or two.

Many years ago a manager (local government) made a snippy remark when I told him about the death of my much loved gransmother. I was not asking for a day off. I proposed to come in after the funeral (I was due to start work at 1pm) and would be in about 2 pm. I left him a note telling him how upset I was and expected him to apologise. He didnt.The day of the funeral I came in and when I reported I was back he reminded me I had to make up the time!!!

Next day I stayed home and reported sick to a bigger boss. I told him how upset and angry I was at my boss's callous behaviour. Bigger boss granted me 2 days paid leave on his authority. I also asked to a transfer on personal grounds. While I was awaiting the transfer I refused to spek to my immediate boss except on purely professional matters. If he tried to "chat"I walked away. I later learned that bigger boss rang my manager and gave him down the banks for his clumsy and unprofessioanl behaviour. I never did make up the time.

When I became a manager it was a valuable lesson in how to deal with matters when a report tells you about a death in the family or some similar tragedy. You dont make snippy clever remarks. You express regret and then deal with the admin aspect. Most organizations have set rules as to compassinate leave entitlements so you explain these and fill up the required forms.

It’s depends on the employer. My cousin passed away aged 38 (she had cancer) and due to the nature of my job role, my employer gave me 7 days paid leave. I just wouldn’t have been in the right frame of mind to deal with my job and they were very understanding

I'd give an employee the funeral day but probably expect any more to be annual leave.

Aside from how much leave a person gets, the very basic from an employer is surely to be kind and understanding and acknowledge the loss.

If you get compassionate leave, then that. Usually 1-2wk if you get it, which is really fortunate.

I went back to work three days after burying my mum at a young age because I'd ran out of compassionate leave being with her as she died. It's just life, you have to get on with it.

I have to be honest I find it a bit silly when adults take huge swathes of time off when they lose a grandparent. You're incredibly lucky to get into adulthood by the time your grandparents die. Of course it's sad, it's also life. If every employer gave every employee a week or two for a grandparent that could be four bio grandparents, four step grandparents, it's a lot and unfortunately people end up taking the mick.

Just time for the funeral.

I had a half day compassionate leave when I found out and then I took the next day off as holiday. Back to work after that.

My workplace doesn't have a policy for leave for an extended family member - we get 5 days for immediate family.