How long is acceptable to be off work

[shortsout]

After losing a grandparent?

So what would you have liked your ill colleague to do?

A year off with 'stress' ? You're part of the problem if you think that's okay.

I’d be allowed a day off for the funeral. It’s sad of course, but grandparents die…that’s the natural cycle.

No, you’re part of the problem with the stigmatisation of mental health, you’re part of the problem why in certain groups say 15-34 year olds suicide is the biggest cause of death, why those in middle age and certain ethnic groups see such high levels. It’s disgusting. There’s almost no help to help cure people. Outdated views like yours add to the mental health crisis. Let’s hope you or your kids never suffer. Attitudes like yours would stop your kids. Coming to you for help. Let’s hope they don’t make up any part of the above statistics because no one is immune from poor mental health.

I hope you’re too embarrassed to voice your prejudice in public. Do you make the same comments about physical illnesses? “What a year off with a brain tumour????” I can’t believe in this day and age there’s still people so poorly educated as you about mental health, it would be laughable if it didn’t have such serious consequences.

A brain tumour and stress? Wow, that's some leap.

This thread makes me so happy that I work for a company that knows it employs human beings as opposed to robots. Good god.

Well my mum died suddenly a few weeks ago and this thread is making me very glad I am self employed and able to return to work at my own pace.
I can't imagine having my grief timelined for me by some corporation.

Why is it a leap? Are you that poorly educated you have no understanding of the long term debilitating effects of poor mental health, I’d say it’s a very good link, both are diseases of the brain. Are you only sympathetic to an illness that shows up on a scan? Good God, it’s like for some people it’s still 1863. What else do you think? Women shouldn’t be allowed reasonable adjustments for menopause? They should be locked up for “hysteria”? Pathetic!

Sorry for the loss of your mum.

Legally that would be dependent on the compassionate leave allocation in your contract.

Surely a lot depends on age. At 14, I was utterly devastated by my 60 yr old g mother dying.

At 30 when my 80+ grandad died, it was sad, but not day off work sad.

When people are in their 40s etc and a gparent of 80+ dies, well, it's sad but not really life changing.

Think I had 4 or 5 days off in total when my mum died last year.

Personally i’d probably take the day of the funeral. For my dad I took 5 days, and so did my brother. Everyone is different, i’m someone who does better staying in my routine and keeping busy. I’d think most employers wouldn’t be expecting someone to be off long for a grandparent. We would probably give a couple of days special leave, no longer as it’s only 5 for a parent / child.

sorry for your loss. Unfortunately time off costs organisations money, and there has to be some kind of guide. The special leave is technically for organising the funeral etc, not for grieving. If someone needs longer than the standard 5 days, then that’s fine but they’d need to be signed off as sick.

Annual leave or unpaid leave. Maybe the day of the funeral unpaid leave All grandparents die before their grandchildren. Annual leave isn’t just for holidays.

I simply would have not shown up and let HR deal with it. Ridiculous.

My work policy wouldn't give leave at all. In practise with my own team I'd usually:

• offer that someone can go home if they got the news while at work
• allow for flexible working eg remote working/wfh if they need to travel to their mum or dads house to be with family/help with arrangements
• give the day of the funeral off.

All the employers I've had would only allow compassionate leave for direct family i.e. spouse, parents, kids.

Not extended family. You would be expected to use annual leave and it would only be allowed if rotas permitted.

I'm not saying that's fair, but that tends to be the case in my experience!

A day for the funeral.

But then, I had one day off then three afternoons for appointments the week my mum died. I needed to go to work.

Any update @shortsout ? How did the meeting go?

So he took Friday off and Monday as well? Why, was he too upset to work? It seems excessive to me for a grandparent unless they were particularly close (you don't say in your post) and it's not unreasonable for his boss to ask him to explain himself.

Presumably he'll want more time off for the funeral as well, and his boss will want advance warning of that.

I took a day to spend with my grandma when I knew she was about to pass. I then took a day for her funeral

Grown adults needing time off of more than a few days for a grandparents death isn’t really acceptable. As a society we really have to start facing and thinking about death more- speaking to our loved ones about their plans for how they wish to die and where etc. Stop thinking people should live forever and acting shocked when they don’t. “Suddenly at 95 years of age!?!?” WTF it is hardly sudden!!! I see many elderly frail and sick people who really should have been allowed to die ten years ago, but modern medicine insist on preventing their bodies from aging appropriately and dying. Instead giving them extra years with zero quality of life, debt and stress.
If you are an adult and a grandparent dies then you should expect a day off around the time of death and then a day for the funeral. Anything else is a bit much tbh.

Goodness only knows in this day and age, where everything is so regulated and governed by social media.
As a student in the late 1970s, one grandmother died shortly before Easter and I needed to go home about 5 days before the end of term because my parents were at the other end of the country for the funeral etc. and I was the only sibling with a driving licence.
When my other granny died, about 6 months later, it was a little different as she had looked after me from a baby to when I was 3. I needed to ask permission to be away for the funeral, but I was probably only away for 1 or 2 days of actual study time.
In both cases everyone was very sympathetic and understanding.
When my parents died, I took no time off immediately, but went to the funerals. That sounds really heartless, but I was much older (and so were they). In on case I saw the parent 6 days before they died, which was an inevitability (cancer). In the other case it was unexpected, but I was in the situation that I could come home and sort things out with my siblings.
I should add that when both my parents died, my work was extremely understanding and supportive. I just didn't need much support, though, as at 86 and 89 it was a matter of time.
I am sorry for your husband's loss, particularly if this was his first family death and/or he was close to this grandparent. However, he cannot make it an excuse to shy away from work issues that might already not be going well.
The two things should be separated and dealt with individually.

Oh if only that was true the world would be a happier place. While there is a natural order it is by no means always the case.
Hope everything went ok today @shortsout.

Pretty much the day of the funeral and maybe the day after.

This is what would be reasonably normal in my workplace.