How long is acceptable to be off work

[shortsout]

After losing a grandparent?

There is such a thing as pathological grief ( that goes on way longer than grief usually does). My suspicion is she had pre existing mental health issues and her mother was her support system, leading to a collapse when the mother was no longer there.

I think that was the case here.

I know I’ve probably come across as a heartless old bitch here. But it’s because I want us to keep having a social security system and not become like America that I am concerned about the level of overuse/ abuse of the benefit system and in work sickness pay in the NHS.

I hope the meeting went okay. Two days is fine in my opinion.

Not really. But I think the way to tackle the rise in benefits is to see why people are claiming them, and actually help them (as in not fucking sanction them).

For a good reliable and responsible worker I would ask them what they need and trust that is what is needed.

For someone who is constantly "at it", constantly needing away from work for dubious reasons and has low output and frustrates the team, I would say a day for the funeral (and can use.leave for any othet time off)

In your case OP, as the time has been taken already, perhaps he can explain to his employer why 2 days (with a 2 day weekend in the middle) was needed. I am suspicious about that tbf but I dont know the full details. Whether absence reporting procedure followed would also be on my mind. Forefront would be welfare check - if 4 days needed, is more support needed. Hope it all goes ok. Sorry for your loss.

You are not. State jobs are a piss take for days off. My friend works in the council, she has weeks off paid. I get 6 days a year paid sick days because it is the law but you’re snarled at if you have a sick day.

I took 2 weeks off in total, which included the last 2 days of my grandmother's life as I was by her bedside. We were very close and I was distraught. According to the organisations policies and procedures, I shouldn't have been paid, but I was. Luckily, my manager had also been very close to her grandparents and was very understanding.

When my nan died (I was very close to her) I had one day off and then one day for the funeral 🫤

The NHS gives 3 days carers or compassionate leave a year, over that would have to be taken as sick or annual leave.

If it had been pre agreed you should have gone to your union rep.

I think it would vary depending on a number of factors including
*How close they were - how hard the death impacted them
*If the person had to make the arrangements/do the practical admin things ( there may not always be a spouse/child able to do it so could end up being grandchild that does them).

• If the grandchild needed to give care/support to their parent/the other grandparent.

When my grandparents died I only took a day off for the funeral. Whilst we were close, I didn't need to do anything ( parents/other grandparent aunt and uncle were doing that). I would have taken leave if I wanted time off, and both times taking a day or two off wouldn't have been an issue.

Other have taken longer than me for the death of a parent. I could have taken longer, but initially took 3 days off. (Went back 5 days after his death). There was no persuasion from my employer, it felt right for me to go back when I did. However, I did end up doing some shorter days, or having to go out at points during the day sometimes. It was never an issue, because of the circumstances.

Some others have taken far longer. It is for the employee to discuss with the employer as to how much time they have off. Not any of my business, other than needing to know what I can do to help them.

It’s probably just a return to work meeting, OP. My employer never bothered with them but with the upcoming April changes they’re all over it now as well.

It’s difficult to judge what’s appropriate. Every person grieves differently. I think a Friday and a Monday are entirely reasonable though.

What are you talking about? There's a hell of a difference between taking time off for a grandparent and taking time off because you have cancer.

I’d say the day after they died and the day of the funeral. My Dad recently died and that’s how much my children had off school so I would expect the same in the workplace.

It depends on your relationship.
I know people who were carers for their grandparents.

When I was in school, someone lost their mum. She was off for about 6 months.

I would assume the meeting is to see if he is ok to return to work and nothing more?

I wouldn’t judge that. Losing a parent is so hard, especially if you’re still a child. But this is about a grandparent.

Yes, and for some, a grandparent is like a parent.

I would just expect to have the day of the funeral off. If executor of their will, then time off for meetings with solicitors that couldn’t be arranged out if working hours.

why did he take monday off?
monday is always an odd day

I think it depends on what his overall attendance is like. If he’s never had a day off then they could cut him some slack but in normal circumstances it is a lot for a grandparent especially as he will probably need a day off for the funeral.

It depends on the situation and relationship.

I'm quite involved in caring for my one remaining grandparent, because DF is an only child, is physically unwell and struggles with it all emotionally. At times he just can't do things, and it's likely I'll have to be involved in the death admin, clearing and selling her house, etc. I will probably need to take some compassionate leave just to get things done.

I assume if there was more to it than a normal grandparent/grandchild relationship eg he was actually raised by his grandparent, the OP would have mentioned it.

No people are competing against each other as to how little they need to disrupt work for when a close relative dies. That’s unsustainable from a mental health perspective. It’s extremely sad imo. People are willing to forget their family and their own needs for the whims of an employer who doesn’t give a shit about you and would forget all about you every existing within a month of you dying. That prioritisation of work over family is harmful to society.