Did all parents hit their kids in the 1970s?

[Polythene]

I often hear that this was the norm. But was it, really?

My dad (CofE school in 1940s) remembered a woodwork teacher who would throw a chisel across the class. Presumably not designed to actually hit anyone (which could have resulted in death) unlike the blackboard rubbers which were.

Dad didnt, mum did.
Mostly because of how she was feeling that day, not because I'd done anything wrong.
Perhaps, unsurprisingly, we are not close and I have never hit (let's use the correct term, shall we?) my own dc.

There was a PE teacher at our school - end of seventies - who had a reputation for hitting boys, actually smacking them hard on bare skin so his palm print would remain and the others would laugh. He never even picked on bigger lads, not only was it classic bullying behaviour but it encouraged more bullying from the boys.

Born 60s. Routine in my house - smacking/slapping. Often didn't know what for exactly - she just had a temper and needed an outlet. As pp - I never look to anyone for support - certainly would never have gone to dm. As a teen, though, I came to realise that very few of my friends were experiencing similar. I was shocked to realise it wasn't completely normal even back then.

Whole class sometimes got the 'slipper' (a trainer) at primary school. Secondary - recall the board rubber being thrown.

I'm 57.
Had a few slaps but never a belt or a thumping!
Although I do remember my reception teacher smacking me across the back of my legs...

I dream of a time where kids weren't allowed in a pub. Seems pubs can't say No now, and let the yummie mummies get sloshed on Prosecco gone 8pm!

Born 1970, got clipped round the ear and occasionally slippered across the arse by both parents but mostly DM. Doesn't bother me now and I have a good relationship with both my parents. The only time I ever resented it was when I was blamed for something I didn't do - then the injustice stang far more than a smacked arse.

Boys at primary got the cane or strap, never girls, I don't think. Secondary was all girls. Occasionally a female teacher would try rapping a girl over the knuckles or across the calves with a ruler, but by then we'd just laugh. 😅

Folks saying it did us no harm why didn’t you continue their chastisement rules then cos you go on to say you don’t. See the contradiction there cos it did harm

I was belted on the daily for any reason
I’d also get the belt at school too for asking questions bloody questions.
my mum would use anything to hand
my step dad his belt

I was born 1965

when I started having my kids my mum thought she’d do the same and I went no we won’t be doing that ever. Your way was abusive not chastisement. She never ever got to watch them alone cos she was twitching to hit. Eventually we went low contact then no contact.

When folks asked where I was she’d tell em I’d stopped talking to her over a few spankings when that was an outright lie.

So yes it harms and the next generation try and not do it cos it’s there in the back of your head of the harm it actually did

Born 1960

An occasional smack, one or two, with a hand, not planned or premeditated and in response to very naughty behaviour, where warnings were given or when critical safety instructions were ignored.

The same applied to my dc born 1994 and 1998. DD remembers well being smacked within seconds of whacking her brother on the head with a soft toy she'd filled with stones. At nearly 28 she thinks it was justified and the DC laugh about it.

Neither I nor my DC knew parental related fear.

I don't think the law was changed to deal with the sort of smacking noted above and I still don't think that sort of smacking is wrong.

Flame me.

Many still do! It's crazy!

What a depressing and cynical post. Your whole reply suggests the only way to raise obedient/respectful children who will go on to be respectful members of society is to hit them. If that's what you honestly think, then being hit (I'm not going to trivialise it by calling it 'smacking') really hasn't had a positive impact on you imo.

My siblings and I certainly were smacked very regularly during the 70s and early 80s. I remember being smacked quite a bit at school too.

That doesn’t mean that everyone was smacked, a lot of kids weren’t. But yes, it was very widespread and normalised.

I never needed to with DD? She was an easier child than I ever was ! She never did the things I did or said

possibly because she was a single child
possibly because she is more normal than me

Of course you don't. Because you'd have to accept you actively inflicted pain on your child. Can't be an easy thing to do.

I was hit how you describe and it's ineffective and impacts the mum, child relationship. Also as you've stated yourself it leads to hitting in the next generation too and defence of hitting children which is harm in itself.

Would you slap an adult in the street for misbehaving? Or, what if you get dementia and exhi it child like behaviour, appropriate to your condition the same way kids lack impulse control. Say you're 90 and you push a boundary, is it ok if your daughter slaps you in response? You're happy for that to be the method used to deal with it?

This is nonsense. Many of the people here who were smacked were good kids. They were just parented by angry and frustrated people. I remember being scared for a lot of my childhood - scared of my parents, their friends, my teachers, random adults. It’s not a way to grow up.

However there’s a massive difference between that and having no boundaries. I certainly gave my children boundaries and they are consequently kind, well-mannered people. You teach them to respect other people, you say some harsh (but not demeaning) words when they’re really bad, you model kindness and good manners yourself.

The main issue is the way ADULTS behave. You only have to see them on here defending talking through films and plays and telling people who like to actually want to watch the film/play that they should stay at home if they don’t like people. Or going to restaurants and letting their children run around and bother other tables and waiting staff carrying heavy plates and hot food and people defending that as not letting children be children. It’s not about screaming at, being abusive to or hitting children. It’s about being considerate yourself and teaching your children manners. What do you think those children with parents who just listen to videos on trains without earphones or who put phone calls on speaker phones on buses are teaching their children about how to sit and listen to others and be respectful? Of course they are going to run riot in school because they’ve never learnt how to behave.

Maybe she was more nurtures and therefore had less reason to seek attention wuth'bad' behaviour?

No, it did cause identifiable harm, that's why we choose to reflect and not pass it on. Society changes as a result of many reflected upon decisions by I dividuals. Society IS us, not some thing that moves by itself

We weren't beaten or thrashed, but we did occasionally get smacked. A short sharp slap that "worked" in that it didn't need to be used very often.

I haven't used it for my DC, but I think mainly because of societal pressures rather than any great belief that it's harmful. To be clear beating is not OK, but an occasional slap might even be less harmful than dragging punishment out, and withdrawing love through sanctions and time out.

I've always hated the idea of "banishing" children as a punishment - you're so terrible I can't bear the sight of you, and I do wonder if the current MH crisis in young people is partly down to the switch to that kind of discipline.

Smacked on the flat of my hand with a ruler when I got into a fight with two girls who were picking on me on secondary school.

I had the crap beaten out of me by my dad on a regular basis, was smacked by my mum on a regular basis.

Put over the headmistress knee in primary in front of the entire class and slapped so hard I actually peed in my pants and had to get a pair of spares from the "knicker drawer" in class. I'd been playing shops in the playground, sold a girl some stones as sweets and she ate them.

Pretty much the same with some of my friendship group. I remember one friend constantly being dragged into the house or out of the park by her hair. I felt relief that my parents only punished me in the privacy of our home, which shows you how low the bar was.

Would you slap an adult in the street for misbehaving?

This, for me, is the most striking aspect of this kind of thread. Hitting another adult, except in self-defence, is unequivocably considered wrong, and rightly so. Which is why it beats me why the pro-'smacking' lobby think it's fine and dandy to hit a defenceless child. It's actually really sad.

There is no comparison. Children are learning; people with dementia are forgetting.

There is far less pain inflicted on a child jumping into the road from a smack borne from fear than from being hit by a car.

I am sorry a smack impacted your relationship with your mother. Presumably she she smacked to hurt and when unnecessary. Personally it was the emotional abuse in my case which is far longer lasting than a quick smack.

To add to my earlier post, my DM does now accept that she was wrong to smack us. For this reason, I have a reasonably good relationship with her now. I also felt reasonably comfortable having her babysit my DDs, as I knew there was no risk of her smacking them as well.

However, she will insist that it was my F who smacked us too hard, and that she never agreed with that. That doesn’t fit with the way I remember my childhood tbh.

I have 2 children who at times have bolted, 1 is autistic. The other isn't. I manage to stop them ending up under the wheels of a car by being vigilant and treating them in an age appropriate way. Hitting them wouldn't change it.

Actually my mum was wonderful. And accepted hitting was wrong, she was just overstretched and had 5 children. A useless husband and a lot of pressures on her. But she was the most loving and listening woman and always willing to change what didn't work. You don't want to hear it because you have to feel you were right. Hitting children is as wrong as hitting an elderly person with dementia.

A child doesn't learn impulse control through being hit, you manage the lack of impulse control while they learn age appropriateky. If you're not lazy and abusive you can actually do that.