Did all parents hit their kids in the 1970s?

[Polythene]

I often hear that this was the norm. But was it, really?

Public health advice changes and laws change?

I don't not hit my kids because it's illegal. I don't hit my kids because it's wrong.

You’ll find it did harm why do you think many GenX are in therapy and many did go on to belt their kids.

dont minimise others experiences.

Is Gen X MH worse than the current MH crisis in young people?

What are you learning? That it’s okay for people who are bigger and stronger than you to hurt you. You remember that far longer than the ‘lesson’ they were supposed to be teaching you. I managed to bring both my children up without them running into the road or being obnoxious. It’s not hard to teach them road safety or manners. My experience is that people who are unkind to children are just taking out their own frustrations on them, they’re not really trying to teach them anything at all.

It’s not the choice between physical or mental/emotional abuse. It’s about the choice between abuse and firm but kind boundaries and I know which is the right choice. Incidentally I know lots of lovely well-mannered, hard-working young men and women who never received harsh treatment from their parents. I know an awful lot of nervous, people-pleasing folk who were treated badly by their parents. I also come across a lot of awfully behaved people who were given no boundaries at all.

My cousins and I will all slapped or got "a clip around the ear" in the late 70s and early 80s. It was the norm then but it's not right and I'm glad it stopped.

When I was at nursery I can remember us getting slapped. I was slapped twice - once for drawing on a chair and another time the whole class lined up and we were all slapped and I have no idea why. (Awful nursery at a convent school).

They are not suffering a MH crisis because no-one hit them as a child, that’s for certain. I don’t think anyone knows the exact reasons for this but it’s much more complex than your analysis. I’m sure SM has a lot to do with it; Covid lockdowns; parents having to work very long hours; not enough time in nature or doing exercise; insufficient boundaries which makes them feel insecure; parents with their own MH issues; climate change; wall to wall news 24/7; less access to extended families; online media making people far more aware of the perfect look; the lack of employment opportunities; the difficulty of being able to afford your own home. The list goes on and on.

That's a lot of deflection to say 'hitting may have harmed my children, it was high risk parenting behaviour for my own convenience but I refuse to accept that'

I really doubt that smacking the way my parents did it, very infrequently and one slap, caused any lasting harm. That's completely different to regular beatings and being dragged from the park by your hair.

There was a boy in our street who had his mouth washed out with soap for swearing. Even at the time, as 7/8yos used to the odd smack, that seemed barbaric.

I was never hit or thrashed but an occasional smack on my legs by my mother, never my father. It was rare though and only for really naughty things. I don’t think I was damaged by it in any way, I knew my parents loved me and only wanted the best for me. I hate this rhetoric that we were dragged up in the 70’s, it was far from my experience.

Before we had children I was in the "it never did me any harm" camp - we were smacked but not really hurt or terrified.

However with our own children we never got near to hitting them. It just seemed asinine. We were trying g to teach them to be kind, polite and gentle. How would whacking them help with that exactly?

One of the biggest differences between my childhood and my children's, I think, is that me and my brother physically fought all the time. A lot of the smacks we got were punishments for fighting. It doesn't have to be a real battering to be normalising a level of violence. In contrast our children are really gentle and respectful of each other. I think modelling hitting as a way to control other people's behaviour is just madness when children learn so much of their behaviour from what their adults do. It's quite weird that my parents responded to our fighting with "oh now I have to hit you more" without any insight into how we'd got to think that was OK.

It was endemic to such a degree it's difficult to get your head round. When my children fell over as toddlers my ILs would hit the ground or the piece of furniture involved, like a smack, to "tell it off" for hurting the child. This was done to comfort a 2 or 3 year old. My children were mystified, and ILs equally mystified by being asked not to. Whereas to us, FFS we are trying to teach them to be gentle, not to go round whacking stuff.

Not because no one hit them, no, but possibly because some of the strategies used (or not used?) instead were more, or just as, harmful.

Also, there's such a wide range of corporal punishment. From an all out beating to a slap on the hand. The impact can't be the same. Of course a child who was regularly beaten will likely suffer long term harm, but a child whose hand was slapped to stop them hurting themselves on the fire?

Yes but a lot of people who say it didn’t do me any harm are using it as a defence for the practice. What’s the point in saying it at all? The point is it does harm to many people and whether it bothered you or not is irrelevant. There are a lot of things that wouldn’t harm everyone but we ban them because of the effect it has on many people. Many people could smoke and never get cancer or eat peanuts on a plane without getting anaphylactic shock but we ban these things or curb them because of the people who would be affected.

No. mine didn’t

Smacked in the 80’s with hands and also a long stick that was kept on the cupboard 😂
I got over it.

Yes but there are many strategies that don’t involve any kind of punishment. I managed not to hit or emotionally abuse my children without them running into the road or being hit by a car. They still were given firm boundaries. It maybe takes more repetition and effort on behalf of the parent which is maybe why they resort to the slap but of course it’s possible to teach a child about avoiding danger and about being a decent person without physically hurting them.

I'm 44. I. Saying with or without laws you don't hit kids

Yes, but maybe those strategies cause different harm. I don't know what you used, and in any case, imthe impact will be different for different children, but sending children to their room always seemed awful to me. Effectively telling children they've upset you so much you can't bear the sight of them. For me, as a child, that would have cut much deeper, and been felt much longer, than a slap on the hand (or legs).

Why are comparing, seriously your comparing, there is no comparing ffs it’s the same.

Yes, I remember being smacked, probably up until the age of six. Dad would threaten violence well into my teens.

Also remember a friend’s brother being beaten particularly savagely with a bendy stick. Always avoided that particular family afterwards.

School was the same: mostly boys beaten in front of the whole class with a bendy metre ruler. Really unpleasant, and so dehumanising.

Smacked. Yes

I was responding to a poster who felt the GenX is in therapy because of smacking. Which may or may not be the case, but a generation who experienced very little smacking is also in therapy, so was their experience any better?

Gen X were raised by parents who'd been children during the war and were traumatised themselves. That could have a lot to do with their (our) issues.