Did all parents hit their kids in the 1970s?

[Polythene]

I often hear that this was the norm. But was it, really?

God I got some right thrashings.
It was normal, as was the cane at school.
My parents were brilliant, it was just of it's time.

Yes.
Smacked on the bum.
Belted on the bum.
Mouth washed out with soap.

Boys at primary school would get caned by the principal.

My Mum still proudly talks about washing our mouths out with soap. Frankly, I consider it abuse and I will tell her that if she ever mentions it again. I think she got the message that I don't think it was acceptable. And it didn't work, two out of 3 of us swear regularly as grown women.

It was an acceptable and even recommended form of discipline, in homes and in schools. How often it happened would be down to the strictness (or temper!) of the parent/teacher and the compliance of the child. Some adults never smacked. My dad always said he could never 'bring himself' to do it. So my mum did it 'when necessary'. In our house it was for very bad behaviour, and generally the threat was enough. I do remember being giving a stinging slap on the legs from my mum and a smacked bottom from a primary school teacher. But for that to stand out, it was obviously rare in my childhood.
I talked about it with my mum as an adult and she told me it hurt her to do it, but she was of the belief back then it had to be done if she was going to raise me properly.

We got a slap round the face at times or hit with a stick. Got kicked once. Smacks that left a raised red hand mark.
It wasn't unusual.

It was the norm in my house. I think mostly it was laziness on my parents behalf. No talking, no explaining, just whack, no go away, don't you dare cry or I'll give you something to cry about...... Often I had no idea what I'd done & often I hadn't done it!!

DH's parents - especially MIL - used physical punishment as a fear driven control mechanism. Ruled with fear.

Neither were effective. I didn't respect my parents, I learned to be quiet & not ask for support, even when something dire happened. DH learned to be passive & let people walk all over him. Lack of respect is people not brother to discipline at all.

Smacked but not more than that and only when I’d really pushed it. Born 1973.

I agree completely.

It's interesting that some posters say it 'done them no harm. '
I would say it is a horrendous thing for a parent to do: you instill in your child that they have no autonomy over their own body... As you described, children grow up to be people pleasers that fear speaking up for their own beliefs or opinions.

Physical punishment by a loved one does deep psychological damage and I would argue how some people think a parent hurting a small child is fine, but would think an adult hitting another adult is oh so unacceptable.

Personally I think absolutely NO-ONE has the right to touch anyone else's body full stop, regardless of age, size etc.
Abuse is abuse.

Earlier than the 70’s but my Nan looked after me while Mum was working and her punishment was you had to go to the hedge and pick your own hazel stick to be caned with, I remember the angst of trying to choose not to thick not to snippy, when you bought it in it was never used but it made me behave.

I experience the soap in mouth thing.
My mother was a cruel bitch and to this day she's a hostile woman. It's nothing to be proud of.

I was smacked on bottom by stepdad, mum never. As to whether kids need it these days my nephew (7) has some challenging behaviour but I personally don’t think smacks are right.

I was born in 75, got smacked a few times. Only one stands out as unjust. It was a large smack on bare bottom.

I think there is a lot of drama on this

it teaches a child to toe the line or experience a short sharp physical shock - over and done with move on

going cold on a child , being disappointed- there are all sorts of emotional blackmail that I see that I can’t think are any less harmful

I don’t know what’s best -and I never slapped my child -but I can see as much harm in many more modern techniques - being held responsible for mums unhappiness

and I ca see great harm from kids who are growing up violent because there is no effective means of handling them - punishment in any form is a dirty word, lots of reasoning - with children who have unformwd brains and many are learning “do that , get a lecture , carry on”

the violence in some schools is horrific - cancelling smacking has not helped reduce violence but is correlated with it rising

Most did, occasionally. Usually a single spank.
The belt at school, although the one male teacher would send bad girls to his wife, another teacher rather than use the belt himself.
Did it turn us violent? I don't think so.
Was it more effective that
"No, tarquin, please don't put your sister in the washing machine on spin cycle, it makes mummies upset"?

Me and my sister got the wooden spoon. My mum and dad were young and overwhelmed with 2 babies under 2. By the time my brothers came along she got better at parenting and they were never hit. She has always apologised to us for it and feels a lot of guilt. We are fine and never brought it up or cared much about it but I know she regretted it.

I remember my father taking me upstairs , putting me over his knee and smacking my bottom. I don’t remember what I’d supposedly done “wrong” . Also standing on the school playing field in my navy gym knickers, teacher told us not to talk. One boy did , I said shhh , teacher saw me and I got smacked. Aged 5 ish, 1960’s. And I still remember…

I guess as for a lot of things it was the norm for some & not for others.

I was born in the 60s & it certainly wasn't the norm for us.

My dad who was born in the 30s had been hit as a child & was certainly against it.

Not mine, No

Yeah, I think it was quite normal back then.

it teaches a child to toe the line or experience a short sharp physical shock - over and done with move on

Quite a few people in this thread have said they didn't know what they were being punished for, so how can they learn not to do it again?

I don't disagree that emotional blackmail is also wrong, but that's it - it's also wrong. It doesn't make corporal punishment right.

Yes there are other bad parenting techniques and a lot of people who are overwhelmed and stressed make bad choices in that moment but I view hitting as assault and a sign that you, the adult, has lost control of the situation. You would never ever hit an adult and think it is ok and good way of dealing with a situation. No idea why people think it is ok to do that to a child, someone who is meant to love you assaults you, you are meant to be their safe space.

I was born in 1960. I attended more schools than most, because my dad was in the forces. I was in schools on camps, and also schools local to where we were posted. There was absolutely no physical punishment in any of the schools I attended. I'm pretty clear that by the time I was about 13/14 it was not even allowed. A teacher who threw a board rubber at a student when I was 14 was suspended for a period of time.

My parents didn't use corporal punishment, and I'm reasonably certain that regular beatings weren't common for my friends either.

I wasn't and neither were my siblings. I was slapped in temper though, just twice, and I clearly remember the total shock I felt.

We had the strap at primary school, nothing at secondary.

So as you never slapped your kids did they grow up violent because there are no effective alternatives?
Mine didn't, but I wondered where you got the opinion that kids grow up violent if not smacked.

We had the cane in my private school well into the 90s. Can only remember it being used occasionally and for very serious things - drug dealing, sexually assaulting a girl. We all thought that seemed fair enough. For minor things it would be lines or break time detention. It wasn't like some people on here have described - in response to minor things, accidents, making mistakes in your work etc.

But the threat was there. We knew it could happen if we didn't behave...so we behaved. Pretty simple equation. I feel sorry for teachers now, with nothing else to resort to if warnings and other punishments don't work.

Always baffled by the number of mumsnetters who seem horrified by the notion of punishing kids with anything they might actually dislike.

My dad got hit (smacked, not hit) but his sisters didn’t. My mum only got hit once because she almost burned the house down and her mum apologised after. My dad occasionally hit my brothers (1990s-early 2000s) but only for very serious things and not when they were children. For example when my brother brought weed on a family holiday my dad smacked him or when my other brother made my mum cry. He never hit me or my sister, but my mum did bite me (Boxing day 2005, I’ll never forget it) because I bit my sister and I never bit her again.