Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Honest opinion - what do you think of parents choosing to have one child?

580 replies

ConnectThree · 09/03/2026 16:33

We have a 7 year old DS and no fertility issues that we know of.
We have still chosen to have only one child.
I guess I’m just wondering what other parents think?

OP posts:
QuinqueremeofNiveneh · 09/03/2026 18:06

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/03/2026 17:50

This is a textbook example of confirmation bias and people drawing conclusions to suit their agenda.

You have no way of proving that theres a correlation, let alone a causative relationship, between your biased and subjective perspective on your children’s friends and the circumstances of their conception or their family setup.

But still you choose to share these unscientific opinions. Ah well. Apparently there are still people out there who disapprove of families making fertility decisions based on their choice as opposed to society’s opinion.

Dear @Thepeopleversuswork, you'll note that I said "personal experience". And specifically added that people are free to make their own reproductive choices.

TorroFerney · 09/03/2026 18:06

I have one , am an only child and so is my husband. It never ever crosses my mind other than when someone on here starts a thread about it. Or should I say it had never crossed my mind until the first thread I read on here about it , so I will think about it for 5 minutes now and then forget til the next one!

I was an only as I was a mistake, my mum got pregnant again when I was 10 (a mistake) and had a termination and my husbands parents thought they couldn't have children so he was a lovely surprise for them.

Berlinlover · 09/03/2026 18:06

I know it’s none of my business but I feel very sorry for only children.

PrettyFlamingo992 · 09/03/2026 18:07

No judgement and no one's business but yours. You're the one raising the child or any future children. 🙂

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/03/2026 18:08

QuinqueremeofNiveneh · 09/03/2026 18:06

Dear @Thepeopleversuswork, you'll note that I said "personal experience". And specifically added that people are free to make their own reproductive choices.

Indeed and its a free forum where your opinion was sought, so you are welcome to it. As am I to think your opinion is intellectually weak, unkind and judgemental.

TheIceBear · 09/03/2026 18:09

QuinqueremeofNiveneh · 09/03/2026 17:41

My personal experience, drawn from my children's various groups of friends, is that only children tend to be selfish, fragile, demanding, immature, hugely hungry for constant attention from children and adults alike and really struggle to share and work well in groups.

But, as with everything, there are positives too, and it's clear that with a lot of the singletons we know, the parental time and energy bestowed on them means that they're usually articulate and have a range of very well developed interests and skills.

The choice, however, is one hundred per cent yours, and absolutely nothing to do with me or anyone else.

Edited

Funny this is the exact opposite of what most only children are like in my experience. I find most only children to be polite , kind and independent and not hungry for attention at all.

Bellaunion · 09/03/2026 18:10

Berlinlover · 09/03/2026 18:06

I know it’s none of my business but I feel very sorry for only children.

Really? Why? I know plenty of only children, cousins included. They are all happy well adjusted and some have families of their own. They're absolutely nothing in their lives to be sorry about.

If anything they probably hear about my absolutely useless, selfish arsehole siblings and feel glad they don't have to put up with that.

TheCurious0range · 09/03/2026 18:12

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/03/2026 17:34

But having extended family doesn't translate into having support. My mum was one of four siblings and not one of them took the slightest bit of interest in me when I chucked my husband out and was raising my daughter alone.

People assume that wider family will all provide a network but in a lot of cases it isn't true. You're just as likely to get that "network" from close friendships you've chosen yourself as from a bunch of people who you have nothing in common with but happen to be related to.

Yep my mum has 3 brothers and two half sisters, when her mum died her brothers did nothing other than argue with each other and cause problems, she was left to do everything herself (I helped my brother didn't and so did my dad) , siblings are no guarantee of a support system.

Rosemary61 · 09/03/2026 18:16

Couldn't care less, each to their own.

TheIceBear · 09/03/2026 18:18

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 09/03/2026 17:48

Absolutely, it's worth thinking about.

My dd regularly says that she is grateful for having no siblings because at least she will not have anyone to resent for not pulling their weight when her dad and I are older. Sadly, having siblings is no guarantee that the burden of care will be shared, and having a sibling who chooses not to bother creates a much bigger sense of injustice than never having had a sibling to help in the first place.

My cousin used to say to me and my sister when we were kids that she was glad she didn’t have siblings when she saw all the rows we had . She chose to have an only child herself later in life.

QuinqueremeofNiveneh · 09/03/2026 18:24

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/03/2026 18:08

Indeed and its a free forum where your opinion was sought, so you are welcome to it. As am I to think your opinion is intellectually weak, unkind and judgemental.

Absolutely!

Orphlids · 09/03/2026 18:26

I think it is lovely. I have three children now, but for four years, I had only one child, and it was wonderful. The intensity and devotion of that relationship is a beautiful thing. I would love to go back and live again those years of my daughter and me, just the two of us, our adventures, our games, our conversations. What absolute joy.

Shout out to my two subsequent kids, of whom I am very fond!

I also think those who would judge you negatively are probably a bit thick.

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/03/2026 18:26

Berlinlover · 09/03/2026 18:06

I know it’s none of my business but I feel very sorry for only children.

Why would you feel sorry for an only child, as opposed to a child who is one of two, or four, or six?

LashesZ · 09/03/2026 18:27

I’m not really interested tbh

Seymour5 · 09/03/2026 18:27

Berlinlover · 09/03/2026 18:06

I know it’s none of my business but I feel very sorry for only children.

I read about lots of angst between siblings on MN and feel glad sometimes I am an only, and have been for almost 80 years! Please don’t feel sorry for us.

PrincessPig · 09/03/2026 18:27

AgnesMcDoo · 09/03/2026 16:34

I have zero thoughts about other people’s fertility decisions.

First post nails it for me. Don't care at all. You do you! Have one child, no children, eight children, whatever you want. I do not care and nor should anyone else except you and your partner.

As long as the children you do have are well cared for etc etc, just do what suits you and your family

StephensLass1977 · 09/03/2026 18:27

Absolutely none of my business. I really don't want to judge. I myself only managed to have one child, and then fibroids took over my womb and life, so I couldn't have any more.

CloudsAreFluffy · 09/03/2026 18:28

We chose to have one child. We could fully support her but live our life. She is 17 now and the most amazing teenager you could meet. Polite, driven, enquiring. And so much more.

HighJapes · 09/03/2026 18:29

I have one. I also know a lot of people who’ve stopped at one. Out of my NCT group of 6, four of us had 1 by choice.

I do sometimes wonder why other people stopped at one and was it for similar reasons to myself etc? But it’s a fleeting thought!

Obviously it’s becoming increasingly common as people just can’t bloody afford (or want) to have multiple kids because it really is hard work and expensive.

But yeah, each to their own!

igelkott2026 · 09/03/2026 18:29

Why do you care what other people think? Your life.

However, I think having one child (or none) is better for the environment. Plenty of people in our overcrowded island and planet.

In my case I didn't like being pregnant and as I emerged unscathed from a difficult labour, with an intact body and a healthy baby, I decided to quit while I was ahead.

HessianSack · 09/03/2026 18:29

People’s reasons for only having one child are none of my business. But it’s a worrying trend. We’re all living longer and need a large healthy working population to fund retirement. And on a more individual level, looking after aging parents without the support of a sibling would be tough.

pimplebum · 09/03/2026 18:29

Very common these days
cost of living
people not giving unsolicited opinions
realising only kids will be fine

it nice if they have close cousin type bonds

RosesAndHellebores · 09/03/2026 18:29

I am an only. It was a choice because mother didn't want children and I grew up knowing it. Also, I was born in 1960 and it was remarked upon and there were negative biases.

Mother, and father, are/were also onlies. Mother because that's what nature delivered, father because his sister and parents did not survive the holocaust. Mother was utterly adored and also very spoilt; I was not.

My MIL is very free with aggy comments about my onliness and how onlys are selfish and spoilt and need attention. Paradoxically her own dd's are greedy and opinionated and one has a significant aversion to work.

I always loved work and always played it well. I may have been a bit of an island because I'm an only or it moght be because I am professional and don't over share at work.

The negative comments made me hate being an only. That may have been more felt because I wasnthe only child of two onlies and I worroed when Inwas yiung and before I had my own family that I may may be all alone. That was why I did not want an only child but two or three - we were dealt two and it was a battle to get them.

With age, I see that despite DH's cousins and aunts and uncles and two sisters, when the chips are down ot's friends who matter and dh is his mother's sole carer because hos sisters live abroad and frankly do fuck all. So with old and aging mothers, DH and I have equal responsibilities. However, I will get all the money, whilst DH will shsre it three ways despite his sisters doing fuck all, rarely phoning and more rarely visiting.

Nowadays @ConnectThree I think an only has become unremarkable.

Having said all of the above, however, our two are very close and I think will always look out for each other but many of their frends are not close to their sibs.

Ultimately, if an only was/is wanted, I think it's fine. They will likely be more independent and forge good friendships.

frozendaisy · 09/03/2026 18:29

I only judge parents (usually male) who happily birth children then do fuck all or the bare minimum to love and rear them.

Number of children, irrelevant.

feathermucker · 09/03/2026 18:30

Never crosses my mind

Swipe left for the next trending thread