Honest opinion - what do you think of parents choosing to have one child?

[ConnectThree]

We have a 7 year old DS and no fertility issues that we know of.
We have still chosen to have only one child.
I guess I’m just wondering what other parents think?

My reaction also. I had twins. My brother chose to have one child. All are now happy adults.

Some people don't "choose" to have one. They are just happy to be blessed with the one they have. Others can't afford to have more than one.

I don't think feeling you're okay with just one is anything to feel guilty about. It means you can focus money and support on that child. You're allowed to feel content.

We have one. I had intended to have more, but due to difficult birth DH refused to risk it. I am very happy with one and glad we didn’t have more. I think parents who have one only are very sensible!

That they are adults and likely have a valid reason (or reasons) why they are as such, whether through intentional choice or not, and that’s that really 🤷‍♀️

I honestly wouldn't care, or even think about it in the slightest!
Why would I?! Not up to me, is it.
You do what's right for you.

I have a DB, he wasn’t there when DF was dying, he is not around whilst I care for elderly DM. Won’t be sharing childhood memories with him anytime soon.

The resentment I feel adds to the burden. Would be much easier to be an only as wouldn’t have that resentment

DH isn’t particularly close to his DB, I think if they weren’t siblings they would never have been friends, very little in common.

Both my parents were onlies so I didn’t have any aunts or uncles or cousins. DH has a number of cousins, never sees them apart from the odd wedding, funeral

Generally nothing. Sometimes positive (like when my only child friend talks about how nice it was having all her parents' attention etc), sometimes negative (feeling sorry for my DC's only child friend when his mum tells me how lonely he gets).

Whether you have 0, 1, 2, 3, 4+ kids there are ups and downs to each choice and as long as you can afford the physically/mentally/financial cost, you do you.

Sadly, we only managed to have one child from several pregnancies. I would never ever question anyone about the number of children they have as it might not have been their choice. People seriously need to be more considerate

I have one DC and I feel sad for my DC that she's an only, as I think she's missed out on important life experiences growing up, and I worry about her not having a close in-built support network, particulaly if she feels like I'm a burden when I'm elderly.

I had a sibling growing up, since deceased, so I've seen it from both sides. Most of my friends have generally supportive relationships with their sublings and love having their neices and nephews in their lives.

I think that siblings are, with some exceptions, a positive. I do feel a little sorry for only children, mine included.

In the politest way, I think it’s good to know one’s own limits. Some people don’t want lots of kids, it’s hard work! Have 3. Some people are better stopping when they feel they are done and if that’s one that’s great and good for them!

I don’t really care! What do you think of mr CHOOSING to have four?

I like this.

Speaking as an only child myself i personally hated it, so i made sure i had more than 1. Im now expecting my 4th!
I wished for siblings and grew up really lonely. It didnt help my parents were much older.
Im suprised at the amount of people saying its very nomal, i lierally knew nobody else who was an only like me.

Do you? I wonder how healthy it can be that a person's perfection is the rationale for a family size? What happens if you turn out to be less than perfect, with human flaws and vulnerabilities, who makes human mistakes and missteps?

Likely the pp will still love and cherish her child because that bond isn't predicated on actual perfection and it's just a tactic to be smug in the face of criticism. That's fine, people do it all the time here but I'm not sure there's much to like about it.

I was being tongue in cheek obviously 🤣.

People ask me all the time when number 2 is coming but after miscarriages, a near death experience at birth where I was put under general anesthetic and wasn't even awake for the birth itself and no village, my life feels pretty relaxed now she is 4 and we have a lot of fun together. I have a lot of time for her and we're all happy.

Why rock the boat with the ferris wheel of risk. You just don't know what you will get next and I'm not bothered about societal pressures to have 2.4 children.

You'd find that you'd love the second child just as much - your heart expands....
Perfection x 2 lol

Deep down I only ever wanted one child. I grew up with a mother who had two and she used me and my sister to compete against each other, to constantly compare annd downgrade, and to favour one over the other. I think I was so messed up by my experience growing up that the idea of having two kids myself would mean I’d be repeating history.

But I’m so happy to have my one and only because I honestly believe that some women just don’t have the ability to emotionally deal with more, or maybe even any at all, and society still pressurises those who decide to not have kids or to have just one child and that is why we have so many kids existing with mental health issues.

@WhatAboutSecondBreakfast86 it’s much more common now. I think whether an only child is lonely can depend quite a lot on their parents and family dynamic. For the same reason children can feel lonely in a family with siblings.

DC is an only. Very happy in their own company, but also has a group of close friends. DH is an introvert, his DB an extrovert who had friends round the house all the time. DH could feel lonely at times as his voice wasn’t heard

It’s none of my business which is just as well because I don’t find it interesting. It’s not at all unusual to have one child (or two or three or none).

I don’t give it a thought.

This hits hard for me because I'm absolutely torn about whether or not to have another. Birth was traumatic, PND was awful, I have no village, husband works away a lot. The first six months was a really dark place. Now shes a bit older its amazing and Id love to give her a playmate but I just don't know if I can risk PND again

I think it's absolutely none of my business. I chose to have two, both very loved. My son and his girlfriend have one, their decision. My daughter has three, also by choice. I have never ever asked "why".

AIBU… but I just don’t want to go

Mother of two under three, no real plans on Mother’s Day except a requested lie in. My husband has made plans for us all to go up to his mothers in the afternoon to cook a late lunch, this is fine except our baby will scream the entire 40 min drive regardless of if it’s nap time or not, (she just hates the car) likely skip a nap or two and generally be hard work / unable to be held by anyone but me once we’re there. Our toddler will be fine but also very clingy when it’s a big group.

I just don’t really have the energy and would rather stay put .. do I suggest this? It would mean one or both kids stay with me which feels a little unfair in my MIL, but it is my day too and I’m just tired ! We do go up every few weeks, but I feel like on Mother’s Day maybe I could just do what I actually want, though it will likely cause upset..

What the fuck have I just read?

I had one because, quite simply, my husband and I only ever wanted one. Simple as that.

That is quite possibly one of the judgiest posts I've ever read on MN and that's saying something.

I have one child, and I couldn't care less what others think of us, and I don't care what others do. It only matters that you have made the right decision for your family