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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Honest opinion - what do you think of parents choosing to have one child?

580 replies

ConnectThree · 09/03/2026 16:33

We have a 7 year old DS and no fertility issues that we know of.
We have still chosen to have only one child.
I guess I’m just wondering what other parents think?

OP posts:
KTMeetsTheRsUptown · 09/03/2026 20:19

No opinion at all It's your choice.

FourNaanJeremy · 09/03/2026 20:27

Most people here are saying they would give it zero thought or have no opinion, yet as woman who only had 1 child, I was asked on a nearly daily basis when I was planning to have another one. And if I replied “I’m not actually” the reaction I would get from people was almost disbelief mixed with guilt tripping “don’t you want them to have a sibling?”. I think lots of people do find it odd to only want one child.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 09/03/2026 20:38

Trusttheawesomeness · 09/03/2026 16:39

I made this face 🤨 when reading your thread title so opened it to tell you that I made that face because… who gives a fuck how many kids you have? The only time anyone cares is if you have 8 kids and can’t afford to house, clothe and feed them. No one cares if you have 1 kid. Do you have main character syndrome?

I think the point is that some people do feel the need to say something. Thankfully nobody has said anything to me for years, but at one time I did have comments about when I was I having another one and not to let a 'bad experience' giving birth put me off.

I did always want two, it is a cause of sadness that life didn't work out that way for various reasons, but as this point not having a second child to worry about is also a relief.

RainsFall · 09/03/2026 20:39

I literally don’t care, how many children people choose to have is their business.

I’m an only child and always wanted a sibling, but who’s to say that if I did have a sibling, I wouldn’t want the opposite? Grass isn’t always greener and it is what it is.

Vaxtable · 09/03/2026 20:39

Entirely up to each family, nothing to do with anyone else

Freshherbsandsandwiches · 09/03/2026 20:49

HHHMMM · 09/03/2026 17:20

When I hear about one child, I am trying to guess in my head what I think the reason is (or combination of them):

  • general fertility struggles;
  • First baby IVF (so expensive to have another IVF child);
  • was too hard with the first one/too traumatic birth - can't get over it;
  • priorities on dispensable income;
  • being perfectionists - do one properly with all bells and whistles;
  • age when the first child came.
Edited

Or how about, god forbid, some people just want one child? I’m a parent of an only child and don’t fit into any of those boxes. We chose to have one because the balance it gives our life is fantastic. That’s as simple as it is. My DD is thriving, happy, and surrounded by cousins and friends. I know I’m an attentive, present mum to one, if I had more, I’d probably be an average mum at best.

I also think that quite often people have more children simply because it’s the expected thing to do and it’s more socially accepted. I’ve known quite a few mums who are absolutely miserable with two or more and, if they were being honest, probably should have stopped at one.

EvieBB · 09/03/2026 22:10

ConnectThree · 09/03/2026 16:33

We have a 7 year old DS and no fertility issues that we know of.
We have still chosen to have only one child.
I guess I’m just wondering what other parents think?

I think it's entirely up to you of course and you have to do what feels right for you as a family.

Personally I loved having siblings growing up and was so sad/shocked when they'd all left home for Uni by the time I was 13 (I'm youngest of 4). So I knew I wanted more than 1 child (if I could and if I could afford it)....so I've got two DCs. Although harder/more tiring initially it's lovely watching them interact and ultimately I found it easier as they always had a playmate at home.... Both are now teenagers and say they're so glad they've got a sibling.....but that might not be everyone's experience of course....

Croakymccroakyvoice · 09/03/2026 22:20

ConnectThree · 09/03/2026 16:33

We have a 7 year old DS and no fertility issues that we know of.
We have still chosen to have only one child.
I guess I’m just wondering what other parents think?

I think it's none of my business.

EvieBB · 09/03/2026 22:26

Freshherbsandsandwiches · 09/03/2026 20:49

Or how about, god forbid, some people just want one child? I’m a parent of an only child and don’t fit into any of those boxes. We chose to have one because the balance it gives our life is fantastic. That’s as simple as it is. My DD is thriving, happy, and surrounded by cousins and friends. I know I’m an attentive, present mum to one, if I had more, I’d probably be an average mum at best.

I also think that quite often people have more children simply because it’s the expected thing to do and it’s more socially accepted. I’ve known quite a few mums who are absolutely miserable with two or more and, if they were being honest, probably should have stopped at one.

Show quote history

That's great that it's worked out for you with lots of cousins and friends kids.
It's whatever works for you.....
Unfortunately for us all my nieces and nephews live in other towns, my 2 closest friends don't have any kids and many in my friendship group had kids about 5 to 10 yrs before me (I didn't have my first until 36yr) so for us it made sense to want more than one....plus I was just so intrigued as to what another baby of ours would look like, be like etc....
Also my sister is my absolute closest friend and she has my back more than any friend as she's blood (I know that isn't the case for everyone)...but that was my experience growing up and I can't imagine life without my sister in it.....so I really wanted that for my DD....and lo and behold we had another DD so I was just thrilled....as was dd1....and DH. Plus I found it way easier with 2 when they got a bit older as they always had each other to play with etc....
Also I have an only child friend who has always said she hated being an only child so I didnt want that for dd1.....but that's not to say that all only children feel like that, of course not.
It sounds like we're both happy with our family set -up so that's great. One size doesn't fit all x

Ghht · 09/03/2026 22:36

I don’t think anything of it tbh. I didn’t have my second until my first child was 6.5 as I didn’t feel ready to have another before then. I would just assume the parents didn’t want any more children, or that circumstances or fertility prevented it. But I wouldn’t really think much more than that, if I even gave it a thought at all.

usedtobeaylis · 09/03/2026 22:40

The implied judgement is in every single post that says it's a 'bit sad'. So we can dispense with the 'nobody cares' comments.

Untalkative · 09/03/2026 22:48

usedtobeaylis · 09/03/2026 22:40

The implied judgement is in every single post that says it's a 'bit sad'. So we can dispense with the 'nobody cares' comments.

Oh, as someone with one child by choice, I can confirm that a bizarre number of people are very invested!

ERthree · 09/03/2026 22:54

Your choice and chuff all to do with anyone else.

Barnsleybonuz · 09/03/2026 23:06

On one hand I am slightly jealous of the lack of stress and ease of their lives. On the other hand I feel a bit sorry for them because my kids get so much from having siblings and my 19 year old constantly thanks me for not making her an only. I had secondary infertility and then there was a real prospect of having an only I became very over protective and worried about how I would manage If something happened to them

Friendlygingercat · 09/03/2026 23:17

You mean if they have just one child instead of two? As someone who is single and childfree I just see it as one less child for me to subsidise.

badtester · 09/03/2026 23:18

HHHMMM · 09/03/2026 17:20

When I hear about one child, I am trying to guess in my head what I think the reason is (or combination of them):

  • general fertility struggles;
  • First baby IVF (so expensive to have another IVF child);
  • was too hard with the first one/too traumatic birth - can't get over it;
  • priorities on dispensable income;
  • being perfectionists - do one properly with all bells and whistles;
  • age when the first child came.
Edited

Yes this. No sense of judgement or negativity for me but curiosity. I would have assumed fertility struggles in the past but now know more people choosing one. I’m interested in why but would never ask, so I quietly guess.

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/03/2026 06:14

@Freshherbsandsandwiches

I also think that quite often people have more children simply because it’s the expected thing to do and it’s more socially accepted. I’ve known quite a few mums who are absolutely miserable with two or more and, if they were being honest, probably should have stopped at one.

Absolutely this.

And some comments on here reflect that sheep like mindset that you build your family more to avoid social judgement than because of what you want. Which honestly is really depressing.

SparklyGlitterballs · 10/03/2026 06:35

I'm "older generation" I guess at 62, but I don't judge people's family sizes (well, maybe those who churn out multiple kids they can neither afford or have room for).

There are so many reasons for not having another, whether it's fertility problems, affordability, space, having had a bad first pregnancy/birth experience, and so on. If those parents have decided one is enough then that's their choice and no-one else's business.

My brother and his wife chose not to have DC and got judged by some. I knew though that my DB had zero tolerance for babies and toddlers, so it was the right decision for him. Fortunately he married someone who also didn't want kids.

Sartre · 10/03/2026 07:18

Honestly don’t care at all. I once had a mum start going in depth into why they only had one child and I have no idea why she felt the need to justify this to me, we were relative strangers queuing to get into a school event. She blamed a traumatic birth experience which may be true but she’s also clearly a much older mum, I’d say late 40s now and DC are 7 so I’d argue it’s a fertility thing but whatever.

Zanatdy · 10/03/2026 07:20

I don’t think anything. I have plenty of friends who have one child, all for different reasons. That’s their choice, just as it was my decision to have 3 DC.

lljkk · 10/03/2026 07:30

There are so many things in the world to have opinions about, I don't know why I'd invest energy in this.

1.Choosing to have one child & 2.expecting too much of them: I could find opinions about that.
1.Choosing to have one child & 2.being too emotionally invested in them: I could find opinions about that.
1.Choosing to have one child & 2.neglecting them, I can find opinions on this.

It's the (2) part I actually have critical opinions about, not the (1) part. People can do the (2) part when they chose to have a large family, too.

Mithral · 10/03/2026 07:39

Sartre · 10/03/2026 07:18

Honestly don’t care at all. I once had a mum start going in depth into why they only had one child and I have no idea why she felt the need to justify this to me, we were relative strangers queuing to get into a school event. She blamed a traumatic birth experience which may be true but she’s also clearly a much older mum, I’d say late 40s now and DC are 7 so I’d argue it’s a fertility thing but whatever.

This is such a weird anecdote - so you don't care at all but thought you'd just tell us all about someone who told you she had a traumatic birth but you think she's lying that's that why she only has one. What are we meant to take from this story?

oopsHereItIs · 10/03/2026 09:23

I think have what you can afford is the responsible approach, and this extends to financial, physical and emotional ability.

SteveHill · 10/03/2026 18:17

Our son and DIL are in this position. Both work, both would like another child but they would need to move from their tiny house and cannot really afford to do so. Then there's the cost of childcare etc. It is for them entirely an economic decision.

Four other adult children, two in long term relationships, have so far produced no grandchildren.

Our replacement birthrate is 2.1. We are achieving 1.4, and the rate continues to fall. That means we face possibly critical population decline, with an increasingly elderly population and fewer workers to fund state pensions and other public services.

Nationally, it is an issue. I don't judge individuals' choices.

BillieWiper · 10/03/2026 18:26

I don't think anything much other than they clearly only wanted one kid.

Same as the only assumption I'd make on someone with lots of kids is that they happened to want a big family.

As long as someone is caring and able to support their kids financially it's not anyone's concern really how big a family someone chooses.

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