DH not making dinner when I was out until 6 pm..

[meorhimU]

yesterday I had a sports event to attend that ran from 1 pm until 6ish. My DH knew about it and was at home with our kids, 4 and 6.

the kids ate at around 12-12:30, I made lunch before I left.

when I got back, he’d made no dinner and complained about being hungry and @ what are we going to eat. I hurt myself doing sports and was limping quite badly.

I defrosted some steaks and made dinner, limping around in pain. While he did some admin on his laptop. He then complained I hadn’t take the bins out all week ( not true, they’d just filled up again over the weekend ).

I said, I thought it was really not great that he didn’t even think to make dinner- waited for me to get home and knew I was in pain, limiting, yet still didn’t help me or offer to make dinner. He said he didn’t realise I was in so much pain..

my DD who is 6 perked up and heard me and later called him lazy for not helping mummy when he knew I was in pain. All I wanted to do is just sit down and put my feet up, my body was sore wrecked after all the exercise and the injury. He could see I wasn’t walking well at all.

he was annoyed that my daughter pulled him up on it too and essentially blamed me for telling him off about it. It’s just common decency he should have made dinner and also even if he hadn’t made it yet by the time I got home, he should have taken care of it- seeing I was in pain.

I didn’t tell him to do it because I felt guilty that I left him alone with the kids all afternoon and felt like I had to do it. But I also know if I had asked him to do it, he would have been annoyed.

@gannett

ah see I’m just not that bothered, happy to have beans on toast or whatever some nights if I’m home late or just can’t be arsed

I don't see why you didn't arrange what he was doing about dinner before you set off.

OP, does your DH arrange what you do about dinner when he is out? Thought not.

Bloody hell there has been a spate of posts on here recently about men like this. You cannot manage his moods OP, it is up to him if he wants to indulge his misery and then inflict it on other people. I’d honestly encourage you not to pussyfoot around him anymore, don’t try and do things to lighten the mood or brush under the carpet in case it makes it even more moody, let him sit in that mood and let him see how it affects everyone else. You are not his mother and you are not responsible for him, he is a grown adult with two young children and he needs to pull himself the fuck together.

I honestly don’t even know why I care about his moods and whether he’s happy or not ? Why is it that I do care ? He doesn’t care or check on me. Or so it seems.

Sounds like a terrible relationship tbh.

Yes, he should have taken the initiative to make dinner, not leaving it you once home late.

However, being injured during sports that YOU chose to do - so self-inflicted - is not a reason for him to have to stop what he's doing, jump-up and take over from you.

Basically, neither of you want to cook. It happens in most houses. Just discuss how it should work between the two of you.

@90sTriflethe injury thing is so weird to point out. Shit happens, you support your partner.

OP this is more than walking in and having to cook dinner. It sounds like you walk on eggshells in your own home. Are you frightened of him? I couldn't live like this. And I know where I would have stuck the bloody steaks!

@meorhimU agreed. It needn't have been mentioned at all.

He didn't cook whilst you were out late - that's the problem.

I don't know what else to say. I'd love to know how else a conversation like that ends/what people take away from it. Did he say, 'ah yes, the steaks' and then go off and have a long think about steaks from a philosophical standpoint?

I think he sounds like a lazy dick.

If you want to get an inside take on what’s going on, just beat him at his own game- I’d just have gone for a bath saying “Yeah I’m not sure about dinner babe, but my ankle’s killing me, I’m going for a bath. Maybe check the freezer or grab a take away.”

But also if I am out of the house on the weekend for a hobby/ activity I will normally give an optional idea for dinner so my partner knows it’s on him to sort out, but I’ve given a bit of an idea. We always have things like baked potatoes, pesto pasta, omelette etc if all else fails!

And all of this “won’t eat beans on toast”
crap would piss me off too. As well as him being miserable and moody so you’re on edge.

Just tell me that he’s not a massive earner while you stay at home with the kids- because to be honest I think it sounds like this marriage is dead in the water and you might be better off splitting up.

Obviously a man who thinks its a woman's job to do everything.

It’s because it takes it out on you, which isn’t acceptable. Op walking on eggshells like this isn’t normal. It sounds like a miserable existence all around. When does he see his kids? When do you hang out together or as a family?
He sounds completely disengaged from family life.

However, being injured during sports that YOU chose to do - so self-inflicted - is not a reason for him to have to stop what he's doing, jump-up and take over from you.

Really? If your OH twisted their ankle going for a run or something you wouldn't help them out? You'd watch them hobbling around because it's self inflicted?

He was home with the DC they were all hungry all wanted feeding so he should have cooked. Or at least got a takeaway. I was helping to cook tea from when I was 9 FFS. Our mum would take some meat out the freezer before she left for work. Our nana would chop the meat up I did the veg but she wouldn't use the cooker. So we had to do it. Our mum expected her tea done when she got home from work.

@90sTrifle

”self inflicted” lol

yes you are quite right, who does Op think she is playing sports?? The risk of sustaining an injury which could jeopardise her capacity to cook for her is too great. Mothers shouldn’t really play sports for this reason

And you actually made dinner for him after that?????

If you take turns in food shopping/ meal planning/ prep/ cooking then yes he should have had it sorted.
I am the parent in charge of food so I plan meals out for the week & do the food shop - so in your situation I would have said before hand “I’m out on X evening, what do you want to cook?” and then added those bits to the food shop and left the rest to him.

Yep - you (both) need to communicate better

I can’t believe the people defending DH for not thinking to cook dinner! He was complaining about being hungry, why didn’t he do something about it? What a pathetic man child.

Why do you need to say anything? We don't agree on how a conversation that neither of us were actually present at should have been understood in the context of a relationship between two people we've never met 🤷

This!

I’d also include your spouse in that as well.

And yourself. Do people need to be told they need to cook for themselves when their spouse is out or do they just sit and wait for their support human to do it for them?

Reading some of the comments, I can start to understand why SOME men would be terrified to take the initiative of making diner,

risking to start WW3 by using the wrong ingredients, not respecting the exact schedule of food and meals that was unilaterally decided 😂

But regarding the OP'DH, I stand by my point, he has no excuse for not organising his kids diner , and the OP is silly to martyr herself limping to make adult diner.

It's all about communication. Did he know exactly when you were getting back? I assume he does other things, and dinner is your job, so did you actually tell him that you wouldn't be back in time to cook? If he'd cooked but you'd had plans (or brought takeout home with you) you'd have been annoyed too.

Given the fact that there was a phone conversation on her way home ( that wasn't mentioned in the OP) he should certainly have taken the steaks out, agreed. I just thought it might have been reasonable for dinner to be discussed in the morning so that it was ready when she got home. However a number of posters have interpreted my comments as expecting everything to be facilitated for the man. It wasn't what I said but I can't be arsed to debate with people who don't seem to be capable of interpreting what I said and chose to accuse me of enabling male incompetence.

This is strange.... I'd have thought a quick conversation about who would be making dinner could have been had at some point?