To be annoyed that older people can’t just send a text rather than phoning for the slightest thing?

[Waitingforthesunnydays]

I’ll try not to be ageist here but I might fail at that..so I’m sorry if this offends anyone. If you are over 60 do you feel the need to phone people for things like confirming what time you’ll be arriving that day (after already arranging that you’re coming), letting someone know what colours of paint you’ll be getting for a house renovation, asking someone if they want to go to the cinema with you next week? Those were just examples that popped into my head, but I’m finding it increasingly irritating that the 60 something man that is renovating my house will call me for the slightest thing. It seems he doesn’t know how to text at all as he responds to mine by ringing. Same with my parents, but they get a free pass cos they’re my parents. Same with a neighbour in her 60s who I’m quite friendly with. She rang me the other day, a call which I had to take at work, to say she’d taken my bin in for me, which was very nice of her obviously. But a simply text would have done fine. I’m not talking about very elderly people who don’t know how to use technology, I’m talking about people in their 60s/70s who have had iPhones for at least a decade. Is it just habit or is talking on the phone more common amongst older people? I’m early 40s & I personally hate talking on the phone and will text for everything. I find a phone call quite intrusive, I have to be in the mood to talk to someone, whereas if they would just text me they might get an answer to their question! I can send a text back in any mood but I will often ignore a phone call if I’m not in the mood.
Yes I’m sure I’m being at least a bit unreasonable but it would be nice if everyone could just learn how to text/know how to use text messaging properly. It’s really very easy

Why does their preference trump my preference??

That goes both ways.

Yes, compromise, NOT just blindly having to accept what the other person wants to do as if they're the more important person.

I know what you mean. My Gran is 81 and has a phone but can only call from it, she’s never been able to text (despite being shown multiple times). She had to concede and get an iPad during Covid so she could watch drasha and thankfully my Uncle taught her how to email so now she can send me those. I don’t often have time for phone calls so much prefer a message I can reply to when I do have time.

I have no problem talking on the phone. The problem is that my mum will constantly ring until i answer just so that she can tell me something simple. She accuses me of ignoring her when i don't answer the phone straight away. She will just leave me voicemails to say that i have ignored her if my phone is off. It is like she thinks that i can drop everything so that she can talk at me about Newcastle united. I hate football but she conveniently forgets.

I think the compromise would be the text message. The phone call is asking a lot more of both people, the text message is maybe not what the phone-lover wants but it can’t be denied it’s the most convenient for both people. I’m not talking about parents who maybe want to chat to their adult kids here. I do phone my parents cos I know it’s important to them, even though I don’t like it. I’m talking about people in your life you may not be that close to and just don’t particularly want to chat to in that moment to get a simple piece of information out of them. Cos it invariably includes a polite “how are you doing anyway” when neither person actually wants to talk about how I’m doing. It’s an invasion of privacy imo.

My mum is in her 80s and texts or WhatsApp me a lot. We do speak too but I'd say it's less than 50% of our interactions.

Family/friends must hate me. I almost always call - rarely text as very questionable mobile signal indoors. If anything business wise I tend to email. No one has said anything to me, and seemingly answer cheerfully, but I guess I have been unintentionally annoying people about the phone. Oh dear! ps I am 60

I'm very old and I loathe phone calls.
Texts work for me every time.
It means the sender can send at their leisure.
The receiver can read at their leisure - and respond as and when they have time.

And as for, "why don't you join our WhatsApp group, then we could include you in the calls?" - bugger off! I'd then have to look at you all as well as talk to you all - no thanks!

The helpless old lady who's useless with technology card is an excellent get out for that one.

yes, that would annoy me to. however, on the flip side of that I get so annoyed when I receive a 100 texts trying to arrange something that’s with an individual not a group. You can be to & fro immediately and I’m like can’t we just talk instead. It’s actually taking more time to arrange a coffee meet up than actually having a quick 5 minute conversation. I actually try and ring when this happens and quite a few friends text back. Cant talk as I’m cooking dinner. Typing that out takes longer than saying it. And you’re literally responding to my messages instantly and even typing as i am. What the fuck are you cooking. Fish fingers 🤷🏼‍♀️.

You are being ageist and you admit it. If you don't want to chat just don't answer your phone.

Anyone in their 60s is likely to have owned their mobile since they were in their 30s. Texting isn't some newfangled invention that we can't get our heads around.

I am 53 and have always disliked the phone. Landlines were horrific - mobiles much, much less so, as you can usually tell who is calling (unless its a cold call in which case you can decline to answer).

However, the way my children (early twenties and late teens) look at a ringing phone like it’s a bomb about to go off makes me seethe. I mean, sometimes in life you have to receive or make a phone call. Get a fucking grip.

God I've heard it all now. A neighbour calling is an invasion of privacy.
I should go live in a cave with no signal if I were you. I bet you don't answer your door if you're not expecting someone.

Mid Fifties here and phone calls are intrusive AF. I always text first to check someone is available before I call. Same at work using Teams.

I’m the same age as you and I find a call more efficient. It’s just a preference. The bin example would be fine as a text but in the case of the contractor I’d much prefer a call. You can ask follow up questions in 2 minutes without having to send five texts back and forth which would annoy me.

My 76yr old mum always WhatsApps me. We speak on the phone by arrangement.

So yes, you're being ageist. Perhaps some people prefer ringing because their experience is that a text often doesn't get answered for hours and they need to know something now.

Have you actually told the builder you'd prefer him to text instead of call? Or do you just take the call, say nothing and moan about it afterwards? Is he meant to be aware of your communication preferences by some kind of psychic power?

And yes you are being ageist, and your perception of older people is incorrect. Dozens of people on this thread have told you they're over 60 and do use text and WhatsApp etc. But you still insist that people over 60 turn into a different species which is determined to annoy you by phoning instead of texting.

Yup, people who phone but leave a message and wait patiently for you to call back aren't really a problem. It's the ones who can't get it into their thick skull that you might actually be busy doing something else that are the problem. Even worse when they make it sound urgent with "call me straight back" and then ring back several times leaving ever more urgent sounding messages throughout the day, and you finally call back and they just want a gossip or to ask a question that is neither urgent nor important. Drives me insane. Unfortunately some older people just have no concept that other people are working, shopping, dealing with other issues like tradesmen, in meetings, etc., because they've got all the time in the World themselves and seem to forget what it was like when they were younger, working, dealing with children etc.

@FictionalCharacter

Have you actually told the builder you'd prefer him to text instead of call? Or do you just take the call, say nothing and moan about it afterwards? Is he meant to be aware of your communication preferences by some kind of psychic power?

If I text or email someone, I'd expect them to text or email back in the same way. It's a kind of "signal" that I prefer text if I text someone rather than phone them. When dealing with tradesmen, I always text or email as I want a written record of what's been discussed and agreed. If they phone me back to give a quote or agree to do something, I ask them to text/email to confirm what they've just said. I think a lot of tradesmen prefer the phone for "deniability" when things go wrong or they try to overcharge as there's no proof of what was agreed.

It was kind of an unwritten rule when I started work in the early 80s before mobiles and email, that if a client phoned in and left a message, we'd respond by phone, likewise if they wrote a letter to us, we'd reply by letter. One of the first things I "learned" in the workplace really to "match" communication preferences where possible. But we also knew to think about when to phone a client and tried to do it first thing or end of day, especially for clients who ran shops etc who wouldn't appreciate trying to have a professional phone call about their finances in front of a shop full of customers. We certainly didn't just randomly call at all hours of the day expecting them to drop everything to talk about their tax return as we knew they'd likely be busy!

I think it's become a symptom of our "self obsessed" World these days when we expect everyone else to drop everything on a whim to chat on the phone!

THIS!! It's what I can't understand about the older generation's reluctance to use smart phones, apps, online banking, online shopping, etc. It's not as if it's all just happened in the last 5 years!

Take banking. Cash dispensers were commonplace back in the early 80s - 40 years ago! Telephone banking came in during the 90s - 30 years ago. Online banking came in during the noughties - 20 years ago. Yet we still have people who can't cope if they can't go into a bank branch to pay a bill or withdraw a tenner! Have they been living under a rock for the past 40 years?? Fair enough for people who are in their 80s and 90s as they'd have already been "middle aged" during the 80s and 90s. But for 60 year olds, like me, I was paid by BACS from my first wage, got my first credit card a few weeks after starting my first job, barely ever wrote a cheque, did telephone banking (with a little noise generating calculator type thingie) from the mid 90s, and was banking online from the noughties. It must be at least 20 years since I set foot in a bank. Yet, there are people around my age who are bemoaning they don't get cheque books automatically sent anymore, bemoaning all the bank branches are closed and they can't pay bills over the counter or get cash over the counter. Like I say, fair enough (just) for 80+ year olds (but who still had a couple of decades to embrace tech before they hit retirement age), but for my generation, people in their 50s and 60s, the tech has been there throughout our working lives.

Same with communications. Email and mobiles became common and affordable in the 90s and very widespread in the noughties - at least 20 YEARS ago, but some people still regard it as some kind of demented badge of honour that they won't use them, even people much younger, even in their 50s and 60s.

Do these people think that the technology will suddenly stop and reverse and they'll be able to go back to the old ways??

That’s my whole point! People 60+ have had decades to get their heads round texting so why don’t they do it?! Of course, this is only my experience- many people over 60 on this thread say they much prefer texting over calling so maybe it’s not an age thing 🤷‍♀️ the people in my life that tend to call when a text would be more appropriate are all older though

It seems that it's you who has the problem here. You seemed obsessed about trying to make other people choose differently than what works for them best. If you don't have the spine to even mention your own preference, then it's just ridiculous that you simply expect anyone else, of any age, to magically do what you prefer them to do in their communications with you.

The great majority of people over 60 can send a text message. Some of them prefer calling. It's not that hard, and there's nothing wrong with their preference.

I feel the complete opposite. Why do people insist on endless back and forth texts when a quick phone call would be much easier. (I'm in my 40s)

There are times for texting and times for making phone calls. It doesn’t have to be either or. It depends on what is being communicated.