Gifts that you would never use or want

[Oldmamabear]

Im lucky enough to have good friends and family. Every birthday and Christmas they buy gifts which is lovely of them and I do the same for them. When I buy gifts I consider what that person might like or need and buy on that basis. Its a gift for them so it doesnt matter whether I like or would use it myself. At the risk of sounding ungrateful I wish they would do the same. Im not materialistic and would appreciate a small well thought out gift than something extravagant. I try and gently explain that IF they wanted to get a gift (no obligation a card will suffice) then to avoid wasting their money to remember i can't use perfumed products due to skin condition, I dont really like ornaments (minimalist) clothing im a funny shape so best left to me etc. Ive got a spare bedroom full of clothes I can't wear, perfumed products I can't use and ornament with nowhere to live even if I liked them. I dont have any issues with honesty except in this area. Ive explained numerous times and its not even that I want this or that for birthday. I just dont want them to waste their money.i also find it awkward unwrapping yet another unwanted gift. I thought about saying I dont want gifts this year and instead if you could donate to charity that would make me happy but not sure that will land well as that feels like im telling them what to do with their money. Would it be unreasonable to explain that if they were going to buy something, please check first as I dont want them to waste money. Feels rude??

Well, I have a very unusual name, so that would be a bit wild if those items would be appropriate! I have unusual mixed heritage, and haven't come across anyone else with my name - but here's a coincidence - once, when I was on holiday in Cornwall, I went into a gift shop and saw an item with my name on it! I thought that was incredible.

IME "carefully chosen" gifts are the worst. I appreciate the effort, but they're rarely a hit.

Very occasionally someone will get it spot on, but usually theyre something I'll never use, but harder to pass on. I much prefer a generic gift that I can either use or donate as a raffle prize.

I think practical gifts are the best ones. A tumble dryer would be brilliant because it's effectively giving me back a couple a hundred quid to spend on something I actually want and can get for myself without feeling guilty because I need that money for the household item.

I absolutely agree, I would have loved someone to give me a tumble dryer! However, we're all different.

This is why I do not do gifts with anyone except dh and adult dd.
Not birthdays or Xmas, not even a token gift.
Dh and I are both excellent gift buyers for each other and dd knows exactly what we like...theatre/ gig tickets, Everyman membership, subscriptions.

I'm with you OP. In fact you're taking it better than I do. For me it's not just inconvenient or awkward, it's actively demoralising to realise that people who are supposedly close to me apparently have little idea what kinds of things I like. We all have eyes and ears. I'm trying to take it less personally but it's difficult when it's family or close friends.

That's great for you but a) i don't like tumble dried clothing and b) I don't like my gifts being because they would make my life easier because i'm female and that reduces me to housework. Funnily enough my husband still got his money that year.

My son brought my round some lovely drill bits for Mother's day! Whoop!