As an autistic person AIBU

[estrogone]

To be sick to death of people blaming all bad behaviour on neurodiversity.

It seems like the go to excuse.

Little Johnny urinated on somebody- must be ND
CF stole my shit and is rude and unpleasant - must be ND.

I wish people knew that autistic adults (especially women) are highly sensitive to fairness. We have strong inner policeman and will make sure we play fair. We spent decades masking and sticking to the rules, so we would be the least likely to be a cheeky fucker.

Some people are just rude, insensitive, aggressive, entitled, horrid. As children this might be down to genetics, family dynamics, as adults because they just are not very nice.

Sounds a pretty reasonable point of view to me.

Yes it gets very tedious.

I completely agree with you. People don't feel like they have to take responsibility for their actions anymore, Nd is a perfectly plausible excuse to use apparently. Obviously there are people who are Nd who do show worrying behaviours but unless all of a sudden the whole world is Nd then there's a lot of fakes using it as a get out

I agree. It's become an excuse for bratty behaviour and lazy parenting.

And it makes it all the more difficult for those that are legitimately ND to get the help they need.

My son gets really annoyed when awful behaviour is blamed on somebody being or having ADHD. He says it just makes it worse for people who really do have ADHD who are just trying to get by and fit in with others.

I agree, it gives people an excuse to do anything they want or an out, what seems prevalent here on this particular website, there is always someone who starts with the ND suggestions, when in fact it is poor or lazy parenting or in adults just behavioural issues for the reasons you mentioned. Then it totally minimises and dilutes how an autistic person exists in society.

Glad its not just me then. I have a diagnosis of ADHD and Autism and I deal with significant deficit. I am socially awkward and have really challenging auditory issues. I cant look people in the eye and I have felt like an outsider all my life. The two diagnoses compete and cause anxiety and burnout is always just one awkward interaction away. Despite all of this I am a 'good girl' - I will follow the rules to the letter.

Sometimes arseholery is the obvious diagnosis not autism or adhd.

100% agree. My DH and DD have ASD and ADHD. Neither gets away with shit behaviour because of their conditions. Behaving like a decent person, being polite, etc are required.

@estrogone you are not wrong, at all.

It sounds like you haven't found "your tribe", just yet?

There seem to be so many who have very little comprehension about the struggles of an AuDhD person just trying to negotiate the world.

I see you 🌻

That is so kind. Thank you.

I have my gorgeous DH and 3 children (2 are autistic) and a great career, so it's not too bad.

I do dread 'networking' though. My worst nightmare = a conference LOL.

I completely agree with you and I believe it’s negatively impacting the parenting of neurodivergent children. Little Timmy can’t help it vs adjusting parenting to the needs of the child.

Sad to see as an autistic adult that works in education.

I think there is a logical error there.

I agree that not all behaviour, named 'bad' or otherwise, can be explained by ND. At the same time, ND does not mean automatically that someone behaves 'good' as e.g. the concept of what's fair can be highly subjective.

You can be a nice or not very nice person regardless of ND/NT.

I agree anybody can be nice/good/bad.

I think you might have missed my point though. It seems that all bad behaviour is automatically attributed to ND - particularly on MN.

It is .well known fact that Autistic people do have a strong sense of justice, fairness etc (which is due to their neurodiverse brain) so very often are "well behaved" as a result.

YANBU that people always blame bad behaviour on being ND but I find it equally exasperating when people insist that autistic people can do no wrong either. Autistic people are just as capable of being cheeky fuckers as anyone. There’s no halo that accompanies the diagnosis and if there is then mine clearly got lost in the post and I demand a refund.

Completely agree. The few people i know with autism adults and kids are amazing and usually better behaved then the average person as they have a strong view on right and wrong and are very particular. Obviously children are still going to have their moments but thats children not autism and they need boundaries and consequences like any other child. Saying he/she can't help it they are ND isn't good enough. So many Nd children are being failed by their parents and will not be able to function in society as adults because of it.

100% agree. Could have written this myself.

In my experience women with autism have so much empathy it is verging on painful and often bend over backwards to make others comfortable to their own exhausted detriment.

I do think there is a big difference in how it presents in males and females though.

That is NOT to say that all men who have autism are awful because of it.

Perfectly possible to be an arse with or without autism.

So you’re inferring that autistic men are awful.What an ignorant and offensive thing to say.

They are not.

Autism is a spectrum and varies hugely in how it presents across women and men.

You can't blame them for a lack of empathy when the whole point of autism is that they struggle with social situations. Plus it seems to me that males are affected by autism more in less mild ways than women (usually).

A child peeing on someone else isn't normal. He either has trauma from home or there is SEN. It isn't a stretch to say it is neuro diversity.

Your black or white thinking is showing here OP. I don't know the stories you're referring to so won't comment on those examples.
What I will say is that neuro diversity could include an impulsivity (ADHD) which could cause a person to do something others think is unacceptable socially or otherwise. ND means there are social deficits, which naturally means that some people will behave in ways that are not understood or deemed acceptable by the general population. Some will not understand the rules you're meant to follow. It's a key part of the "difference". The double empathy problem is important here too. But understand this , your understanding of autism and neuro diversity is yours alone. Other autistic or neuro divergent people won't have the same beliefs or experiences, such is the spectrum.

I’m autistic and also have a strong sense of fairness and struggle to understand w when others do not

Totally agree OP.
It’s just an excuse nowadays. “Oh I can’t tell my kid off coz he is autistic and has meltdowns”, “you can’t discipline a ADHD child”, “maybe he has SEN?”
Of course you can. You just work out what type of discipline and consequences is going to best work for them. No two kids are the same, ND or not.

I know a young man with PDA/autism who has been parented beautifully by his single mum. He is the most lovely, kind lad and she’s trying so hard to help him prepare for the real world. It’s been a massive struggle, but he’s a polite and well mannered, thoughtful young man. He has been well parented, despite his difficulties.
His condition was never an excuse, it was a reason. She still parented him accordingly.

Because people are ignorant and/or lazy. People with neurodiversity also have personalities, and different levels of mental health, just like neurotypical people.

”queue jump” - please do fuck off.