As an autistic person AIBU

[estrogone]

To be sick to death of people blaming all bad behaviour on neurodiversity.

It seems like the go to excuse.

Little Johnny urinated on somebody- must be ND
CF stole my shit and is rude and unpleasant - must be ND.

I wish people knew that autistic adults (especially women) are highly sensitive to fairness. We have strong inner policeman and will make sure we play fair. We spent decades masking and sticking to the rules, so we would be the least likely to be a cheeky fucker.

Some people are just rude, insensitive, aggressive, entitled, horrid. As children this might be down to genetics, family dynamics, as adults because they just are not very nice.

Im replying to someone else. I am not talking to you mind your own business. You do not get to choose who I can and can't speak to if you don't want to talk to me stop talking to me its as simple as that but you do not rule this thread

Totally agree with @anonymous0810. Perhaps you have very rigid black ans white thinking @youalright you don't seem to be able to take on board anything anyone else has said which challenges your thinking. Your own experience does not make you an expert. If you've met one kid with ASD then you've met one kid with ASD. You really have no idea what you're talking about. If he's not violent at school it means he's holding it together at school, the environment is right and he can stay regulated. The school is inclusive and we accommodating. When he comes home the mask slips off. But he is alot less violent than he was a year ago so yes kids can change. Unfortunately they still have to put up with the likes of you who are completely ignorant and lacking in empathy, insight and understanding.

Perhaps be mindful of the people that you hurt with your judgement. It may be an anonymous forum but that doesn’t make it ok to espouse any views you like with no regard to other people’s feelings or experiences.

its somewhat ironic that you are stating that the conditions that cause aggression are not an excuse and yet you are demonstrating a total lack of empathy (which may be part of your condition) and expect a free pass.

Why are you still speaking to me

Because you are speaking for every child who exhibits aggressive behaviour.

As you pointed out to a previous poster, you don’t rule this thread. People can respond as they wish.

Boundaries and safety matter, and support is needed when things reach that point. But reducing it to bad parenting or assuming a child will grow up violent ignores how complex neurodivergence, trauma, and mental health can be. What families in those situations usually need is support, understanding, and the right interventions; not blame and judgement.

Perhaps this lack in insight is due to limitations due to your own neurodivergence? (Black and white thinking etc).

Not the child the parents

I pointed out that she couldn't tell me not to speak to other posters which is what she is doing

Will you stand by this when its a grown man beating his wife and kids or punching an elderly lady in the street or is the violence unacceptable then

Ah, I think you're being purposefully goady. I did wonder. Jumped the shark a little there.

But previous posters have said boundaries don't work on ND kids so which is it you parent your child and set boundaries or you don't as they don't understand and won't accept the word no

Surely it depends on the individual child? There’s no reason why boundaries wouldn’t work on a kid with dyslexia, for instance.

No i think the reasons we have so many violent men starts in childhood and their parents justifying their behaviours

Absolutely which is why their are some amazing nd people like my kids as they had boundaries and was told no and violence was never ever accepted. If you have no boundaries never say no then blame nd that says a lot more about the parents then the child

My child is autistic. He's such a stickler for rules, he never misbehaves at school. He would go completely unnoticed if he didn't have his EHCP.

DD(16) is awaiting an ADHD assessment. I actually think she's autistic. She's owning her Nd traits and has decided she's no longer masking.
This weekend we have had to have a conversation that not masking does not equal treating other people like shit.

We live in a society and anyone engaging in it has to engage in an appropriate way.
If she can be polite to club leaders, and she wants lifts and cash from me, then I expect at least the same courtesy.
If she wants to use the kitchen, or be fed, then she has to play a part in the clearing up. If she's feeling overwhelmed and can't deal with washing up because it's a sensory input too many, she can put away. She can even do it when everyone else has left the room. I'm happy to accommodate her needs. But she doesn't get to avoid it. Or be a dick.

I agree and posted about this on a thread last week.

I know a number of 12 - 13 yo boys with high functioning autism (including DS). They are all well behaved.

What does this prove?

Literally nothing to do with autism.

Exactly the point i am making

My autistic kid is often interpreted as rude.

They don't mask well and find social interaction extremely difficult. Just yesterday we went round to see a neighbour who is paying my DC to do a bit of gardening for her. DC stayed long enough to get the instructions but once I started asking about neighbour's holiday plans DC literally just walked away. They don't intend to cause offense. In her head she had completed the necessary piece of communication and did not need to know about holiday plans. It's that kind of behaviour that is interpreted as rude. And it completely is because of the autism that they behave that way.

I have a relative like this he has zero social skills. Hes a lovely lad we just laugh about it and don't see it as rude everyone knows he's autistic its blatantly obvious if you spend more then 30 seconds with him.

YANBU OP

MN is bonkers for this as well

On another thread an OP who doesn’t want to make her 6yo do homework as she doesn’t like to, is being told she (the 6yo) must have a learning disability.
I mean WTF - most kids hate homework. Why does everyone have to assign a label to everyone these days?!

And yes sometimes people are just dickheads. We don’t need to pontificate over whether they have X label/Y label. Sometimes they’re just nasty pricks and that’s all that needs to be said.

Yes but your initial context as to how and why the no happens was off the mark. In addition your point that adults are told no in adult life is irrelevant for a small child’s life. Children are not fully formed yet and children with certain special needs like PDA require a different approach while they are maturing in order to be able to manage their PDA by the time they reach adulthood. Your suggestions would be counter productive.