What is considered rich these days??

[Soccermomsavestheday]

So my husband and I live a pretty decent life but not one that warrants being called ‘financially out of touch’ and ‘how the other half live’ in my opinion which is just a couple of example of my sil many comments towards us.

My husband earns around £250k a year, I don’t have to work so don’t. We live in a nice 4 bedroom detached house with a lovely sized wrap around garden. We’re lucky enough to send our children to private school. We don’t go on extravagant holidays or wear high end designer clothes etc. We both drive Range Rovers but one is second hand (5 years old). And bottom line we have worked really hard to be where we are but don’t consider ourselves ‘Rich’ more so comfortable that we can live a modest life without financial restraints

it really bugs me when she says stuff like ‘you wouldn’t know what it’s like to budget’ and ‘it’s alright for some’ etc. I do budget monthly and am very much aware of how much things costs etc

Am I being unreasonable in this situation?

Your husband is on a quarter of a million annually and you're whinging that you're not well off. I'd find you irritating, too.

It's well off if you compare it to most of the country and the whole world rather than to the relatively small numbers of people in whose hands wealth is increasingly concentrating.

You said he’s a barrister which is different to a solicitor. Not sure why you think posters won’t know what an equity partner in a law firm is (as a solicitor) but would instead know the ins and outs of a barrister. Bizarre thinking.

My DH is a partner of a law firm
and has done all the things (and more) that you say yours has done.

Solicitors can and do receive bonuses.

THIS! with all the bells and whistles on it. Mumsnet is a very confusing place.

Do you know what “butter your bread whole” means?

You say ‘we studied far beyond post-graduate level’ and quit being a nurse when you had your first child. So you worked what, 6 or 7 years of your life? Or did the ‘we’ actually refer to your husband. That’s not you working ‘very hard’.

Your SIL does sound rude and I see that you’ve drip fed in that she is on benefits and asks for money, to make her sound worse. But you sound like you deserve it tbh with your disingenuous ‘be kind’ tone and co-opting of your husband’s achievements.

@Differentforgirls presumably buttering a bread roll whole instead of breaking off a piece and buttering each piece. Seem to remember that is an arcane rule.

It depends where you live and who you're comparing yourself too. Around here (SW London) that's not rich just comfortable but if you're in Wales or Northern England then yes it is.

Isn't there some sort of saying which I have prob got a bit wrong but you'll get the gist that a man felt rich on £100k salary and then found out his neighbour was on £120k and suddenly felt less rich.

You have been lucky.

My partner says similar to you about luck. I tell him he’s a fucking idiot to think that and after some explanation he usually agrees. But it’s imbedded. Hence having the conversation multiple times. He literally believes that at a core level.

Was it luck you met your partner? I would say yes
Was it luck that you have health? I would say yes

I come from an area of wealth (cobham specifically) and worked low end jobs as a teen. But most around me were privileged - even by virtue of being in that area if on benefits and social housing (which some I knew were) you are still privileged to some effect due to the quality of state schooling. It was only when I moved to the midlands and in a minimum wage job that I really understood luck and privilege. I was lucky to be born in to an area where most around me had wealth and mobility, that embeds and it shapes your mindset. I was lucky to have education and go to a top uni. I was lucky to have my accent which makes me able to move in most social circles unaffected by class boundaries. Lucky to have a family who gave me a sense of security that I felt able to take risks. And most of all after seeing colleagues who had remortgaged and couldn’t pay, had cancer and had to continue working in between chemo. That I was lucky I had so far had health.

You are fucking lucky. And you won’t realise that until it’s gone - which might be never hopefully.

Of course you did.

Neither do I but when I did, I worked hard.

There has been a spate of posters claiming to be “working class” “housewives” of “rich” men. They then get all the details wrong and scarper. 🤓

This. Read the room..stop it.

Yes they give themselves away because they only talk about salary and surface items like cars, nothing about money is invested or actual underlying wealth. Then ask "Am I rich then...?"

Indeed.
There's a new one started wondering why new money is so frowned upon in the UK?
May be the reason the OP hasn't had time to return here...🤔

I wouldn’t call you rich- my husband earns a bit more 400k and I only 25l a year, we class ourselves are good salary wise but rich nope 🙂‍↔️ we don’t have assesses behind us or family wealth money . Kids all in private school but there’s some serious wealth behind some of them. Where as if my husband lost his job we don’t have this - so
similar to yourselves im
guessing?

But he considers it theirs.

What did you study “so far beyond postgraduate level”? Lots of people have worked hard, studied hard, worked their way up the ladder with no financial help. Your husband’s income puts you in top 1%. Yes anyone without infinite money has to make a budget, even Elon Musk, but if you can’t see that you are budgeting with a very large amount of money where you choose one luxury over another rather than one necessity over another you are out of touch.

Why both so bitchy? Is it projection?

Exactly.

A lot of people in this country ‘work really hard’ and are still struggling to put food on the table. I think you need to check your privilege, especially as you can afford not to work.

It all depends on what you class as rich, poor or somewhere in the middle. I consider myself very rich but there are those that would say i was as poor as a church mouse when they see our 20 year old car.
Poor is when you are using food banks, going without heat or power or can't afford new knickers from poundland. The extras such as tv subscritions, getting your nails done are way out of the reach of someone who is poor.
OP you are well off and there is nothing wrong with that at all but don't pretend you are not.

Not-so-stealthy stealth post. Try harder OP 😂

Unless the nice 4 bedroom detached house with a lovely sized, wrap around garden is mortgage free, the RRs are owned outright, and you've got at least a few hundred thousand stashed in the bank, no, I wouldn't consider you rich. Well off but not rich.

Also (as a previous RR owner) I'm bemused that you've bought two of the useless fuckers.

Ah right. Thanks!

So, the OP has said both that the bonus pays for private school otherwise we wouldn’t afford it so easily. And then she says, We do choose to pay for private schools etc but it’s planned and budgeted and we go without in other places as the children’s schooling is a high priority for us a family. All families have their priorities and they vary but that is ours for various reasons.

So first of all, which is it? And second of all, if the OP couldn't afford private school, or couldn't afford to live in the catchment of a great state school, and many people can't, does that make her someone who prioritises her children's education more than the person who can't? No, it just makes her someone who can pay for it. We sent our three to private because we wanted to, could afford it and it fit in with our lives. Does that make me a superior parent to my friends who couldn't or didn't? No, again.

I'll also add that it's risky to rely on a bonus for your DC's schooling. Bonuses, by nature, vary, and if the firm has a bad year, or your hours are down, poof.

You're more than welcome to believe whatever you like, including that I'm not a lawyer. Although I've never done criminal law, so you're way off there on victims and criminals (although I no longer practice law at all). Corporate disputes run a little drier than that.

And unlike the OP, I didn't assume the people reading this were so dim or uneducated or gullible that l would need to talk down to them in terms I thought they would understand, like saying barrister when I meant something completely different.