What is considered rich these days??

[Soccermomsavestheday]

So my husband and I live a pretty decent life but not one that warrants being called ‘financially out of touch’ and ‘how the other half live’ in my opinion which is just a couple of example of my sil many comments towards us.

My husband earns around £250k a year, I don’t have to work so don’t. We live in a nice 4 bedroom detached house with a lovely sized wrap around garden. We’re lucky enough to send our children to private school. We don’t go on extravagant holidays or wear high end designer clothes etc. We both drive Range Rovers but one is second hand (5 years old). And bottom line we have worked really hard to be where we are but don’t consider ourselves ‘Rich’ more so comfortable that we can live a modest life without financial restraints

it really bugs me when she says stuff like ‘you wouldn’t know what it’s like to budget’ and ‘it’s alright for some’ etc. I do budget monthly and am very much aware of how much things costs etc

Am I being unreasonable in this situation?

“Can I ask (genuinely) how you think I’ve lost touch and how I seem ignorant?”

Because you tried to reason that you weren’t that out of touch by saying that your second Range Rover was 5 years old. If you don’t know that regular people don’t buy brand new cars, or range rovers, or second cars then you are out of touch

Given that half of all marriages don't last, I sincerely hope that yours does. Because with such a huge gap on your CV and very little earning potential, if your DH decides to leave you, you'll be in trouble. I think it would be worth protecting yourself somehow in case something like that happens, maybe by getting a part time job to keep your hand in? But yes, of course you are rich and SIL is correct in that sense - although she shouldn't be rude!

We earn about £100k between us, and we do feel well off. Our mortgage is only £235pm and is almost paid off. Kids are grown up and self sufficient. Our outgoings are very low.

No change in narrative at all. Just a difference in reading comprehension.

You are looking to be "catching her out". How silly, juvenile and sad.

They do without fancy vacations and budget so they can pay for the school. Other people on that income would be gorging on takeouts, going out every weekend, buying designer everything, going abroad twice a year.

Maybe you thought what you thought because that's what you would do. It's not what others would do though.

@Soccermomsavestheday i think the issue is that these days ‘comfortable’ and not worrying financially is seen as a luxury only afforded to a few, therefore ‘rich’. The flashy types who splash their cash and have very high outgoings are seen as rich but in a different way - they aren’t as financially secure as their lives (real housewives style) are so expensive, even though they might actually have more cash.

also it’s the ‘creep’. His wages will have gone up over time as well as your outgoings. So you don’t really feel like you got loads, because youve become so used to it.

we are similar but live in London. Our huge outgoings - nursery fees/mortgage for a 4 bed terr (7k per month) plus bills (1 or 2k) mean that our healthy income doesn’t feel like a lot at all.

Nice try, but saying you go without to pay for private school and then say it’s ‘easily done’ on their income is a definite change in narrative.

If something is easy, you don’t ’go without’ for it.

OP does not need to “do without” fancy holidays to afford private school for 2 children on a package of at least £350k.

@Heyhoherewego23 what is the “correct” way to hold a knife? (Which is an incredibly snobby thing to say btw) I hold it between my thumb and middle finger with my index finger on top. Isn’t that holding it like a pen?? Do people actually teach their kids how to “correctly” hold a knife or just be happy when they can use one independently? I can’t say I’ve ever even noticed how my 5 yo holds a knife, I’m just happy he’s able to cut up his food by himself now

”do without” two weeks in IKOS in August, maybe.

@Leopardspota”our huge outgoings - nursery fees/ mortgage for a 4 bed terr (7k per month) plus bills (1 or 2k) mean that our healthy income doesn’t feel like a lot at all”

Just because your money is easily spent doesn’t mean it still isn’t a lot though.

I’d call this as well offf and comfortable

because what if your dh lost his job …

id call it rich if you had millions in the bank so if circumstances change you’d always be financially sorted

if your sis in law says must be nice type comments
cant you just reply yes it is we are lucky ?

I’d say you’re well off not necessarily rich.

Your prerogative to be a SAHM but if your husband had an affair with a colleague tomorrow and left you, you wouldn’t be living the same lifestyle. I’d rather have less and it be genuinely all because of me working hard, not my husband who could leave tomorrow. He has worked hard to get you to where you are and you’ve supported that. More accurate than we have worked hard.

You do if you have your priorities in order.

For them, it's easy to pay for private school because they aren't wasting it in other places.

The fact that you won't even try to see that is quite troubling.

This exactly!

I think it is fair to say you are completely financially out of touch if, having had the luxury of a large number of expensive choices, which you have taken (range rovers, children’s education, detached four bedroom house with nice garden), you do not consider yourself rich because you don’t additionally wear designer clothes and go on multiple holidays. To think “rich” means your wider family are the wealthy ones and fund you, or you don’t have to lift a finger to earn an income, or your finances are a bottomless pit, is just plain silly. If, with your dh’s income, you are not in any event additionally saving and investing for the long term in addition to living your current lifestyle, and thus further growing your wealth and security, then you are foolish rich, but nevertheless still rich at the moment, as you can easily afford to pay for all those expensive choices that the majority cannot and will never be able to afford. Your sil, on the other hand, sounds obnoxious and irritating, as your wealth clearly did not all come offered to you on a plate, yet she expects you to offer some of it to her on a plate.

I wouldn't say you are rich based on your description, I'd say you are well off. Though I can't see if you've said how much you have in assets or savings. If it's millions then that would probably be considered rich.

I believe to the majority of people what you've described is rich, being able to pay for private school and living comfortably on one wage.

What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer might let a case drag on for several years. A good lawyer knows how to make it last even longer.

Beside the point I know but my dad was a lawyer for over 40 years and worked in family law so was often helping distressed mothers, wives and children in high need, often on legal aid - which was when it was paid for them, but at minimal costs, bc they couldn’t afford it and the lawyer received a much smaller amount in fees than usual. This often wouldn’t be paid straight away anyway and my parents would be waiting months, sometimes years to get what was owed to my dad. He did the job bc he wanted to help ppl so, as I can understand the negativity aimed at the ‘fat cat’ sleazeballs depicted on tv shows - a vast number of lawyers aren’t like this and it still pisses me off when these types of jokes are made about them.

Make sure you have income insurance OP. High paying jobs are often cancelled first.

I'm also surprised that you don't work having multiple degrees. What a waste. I'd be bored ridged.

Like a pen is having the knife lying between thumb and first finger, instead of having your hand over the knife. Honestly, don’t get people started with it, it seems to be the number one snob trigger factor. I didn’t know about the ‘rule’ until I was in my mid-20s, and I didn’t bother changing it, I eat perfectly well like that. It helps me pick out shallow idiots as well who are bothered by it.

But it’s your husband’s wage, not yours. He earns the £250K.

OP, why would you post this on here? You must know that there are millions in the UK earning a fraction of your income and you must know how this kind of thread goes down on MN.

Obviously, perceptions of wealth are all relative. You don't need this thread to work that out surely. So you have more money than this SIL. She makes some snarky comments. So what? What do you want people to tell you?

Stop assuming you have worked harder than other people. This is just silly. It's always the smug middle class types who start these threads, listing their Range Rovers etc. It's cringe - there is another thread on AMA like this. The actual 'rich' would never fell the need to seek attention.

Why do you need people to tell you if you are rich or not? You are quite well off, in my view, and on a national scale. But you know this already.

@NorthernAndNervymy eyes are still watering at the cost of your ring just because you wanted it.

Unfortunately earning 250k a year doesn’t get you far nowadays. The other day I checked one of our local private schools the tuition per year is 35k!!! A decent holiday for 4 is never below 5k. Everything is super expensive.

In my view to be considered rich you have to earn in the millions. 250 doesn’t scratch the surface. :(

People on minimum wage work VERY hard too. That’s all I have to say about your post

I'm not surprised your MIL makes these comments if you really are as tone deaf as your post suggests. You have kids in private school, a large house and two cars and YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO WORK?!? Wtaf. And yet you still say you're not rich. You must be infuriating to be around, particularly if -say - your MIL does live pay cheque to pay cheque, like many in the UK.