What is considered rich these days??

[Soccermomsavestheday]

So my husband and I live a pretty decent life but not one that warrants being called ‘financially out of touch’ and ‘how the other half live’ in my opinion which is just a couple of example of my sil many comments towards us.

My husband earns around £250k a year, I don’t have to work so don’t. We live in a nice 4 bedroom detached house with a lovely sized wrap around garden. We’re lucky enough to send our children to private school. We don’t go on extravagant holidays or wear high end designer clothes etc. We both drive Range Rovers but one is second hand (5 years old). And bottom line we have worked really hard to be where we are but don’t consider ourselves ‘Rich’ more so comfortable that we can live a modest life without financial restraints

it really bugs me when she says stuff like ‘you wouldn’t know what it’s like to budget’ and ‘it’s alright for some’ etc. I do budget monthly and am very much aware of how much things costs etc

Am I being unreasonable in this situation?

Why are you being purposely obtuse? Of course you are very well off, your husband earns many times more than the average salary.

I would consider you fairly well off - which is not the same as rich!
To me rich means never having to even consider what you can afford or even think about budgets etc

Only Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk are rich according to Mumsnet.

I consider myself to be rich having grown up very poor, but we’re probably considered to be relative paupers on MN.

I wouldn’t call sending dcs to private school, driving range rovers and earning £250k per year, living a modest life.

It's subjective. Rich to me is outright owning your own house with a lovely big garden in a nice area. But then I'm what people refer to as "the underclass"- currently unable to work and living without a car in a little council flat and running out of money every month

You cannot possibly think private educated children, two range rovers, a 4 bedroom detached house and you being a lady of leisure constitutes a modest lifestyle.

No wonder people say you're out of touch.

Is that really the question you're asking or are you actually asking if your SiL is being unreasonable?

I cannot bear it when people try and justify themselves by saying that they "worked really hard to be where they are". Lots of people work really hard, probably harder than your husband, and still don't earn anything like as much as he does. It's mostly down to luck - of background, education, being in the right place etc. It sounds so bloody smug.

I suppose I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to be offended by her comments. She says something everytime we see her and it’s in a negative way. I wouldn’t dream of being so rude to her but thought maybe I’m being sensitive

It’s all relative. I don’t work as my husband earns £95k, but our mortgage is only £750 and we live in a 3 bed. We have a Range Rover and an older car. He would happily move to a bigger house but I’m happy with where we are and what we’ve got and don’t see the point in stretching. We’re “rich” to some people - I wanted a new ring - got one the next day for £1.2k without him even blinking. my mum often says to me “you lot are loaded” we’re not - and without DH I’d be a poorly paid dental nurse on about £13 an hour at most.

To people who have to budget their last £50 for food we are very lucky and well off. But to some of our friends living in a £750k house as they are both on £100k salaries, driving better cars, having cosmetic work regularly and having many exotic holidays, we’re not as well off.

Earns £250k a year and private schools

and you think you aren’t well off

jeez 🙄🙄🙄🙄

It really has been hard work educationally. We both come from working class backgrounds but studied far beyond post graduate level and worked our way up the ladder as such. We have never had any financial help. So yes I do consider that hard work and entirely lacking of any luck 😊

Totally agree. Plus the OP says she doesn’t work.

Yup. You're out of touch. And I say this as someone with a similar income.

He will be bringing home c.£11k a month net. You are able to put two kids through private school, have a lovely house and nice cars. You are not living a modest life.

I think you're missing that his income gives you freedom of choice that others will never dream of. You could have extravagant holidays if you sent your kids to the local state school or didn't have two Range Rovers. Meanwhile others are choosing whether to heat or eat.

. So yes I do consider that hard work and entirely lacking of any luck

Of course it's luck. You don't even work so you're lucky you married someone who works in a well paid job.

Since when is private school a ‘modest life’? Of course you’re well off OP, you surely know that. Give yourself some credit for gods sake, you look a bit stupid by not acknowledging that. Our household income is £100k less than yours and we feel pretty flush.

Depends on your interpretation of ‘modest’. It sounds like you are in touch with what you can afford, and I wouldn’t think you are ‘rich’ like the super elites.
However working hard has lots of strands, and it’s not always financially rewarded.

Yeah you sound insufferable. I’m with SIL

I wish I had done well too and I could have and fully intended to but I was 17, met the wrong guy, got pregnant. I was only a kid and with my family background the odds were stacked against me. If I could only be young again. However I am considering doing a degree in a STEM subject. It's just daunting to think I'll be in class with a bunch of 20 year olds

I hate the line ‘we have worked really hard to get where we are’. I’ve worked bloody hard as a teacher and will never be a fraction as comfortably off as you. Will never own a Range Rover, second hand or otherwise. Read the room for God’s sake.

I'm not saying that you haven't worked hard, but that lots of people also work hard without earning £250k. There are loads of professional jobs where people have multiple degrees, work ridiculous number of hours and still earn less. The luck is in working in an industry that pays that much, plus being able to access that education in the first place.

This isn't coming from a place of envy BTW, our household income is several multiples of yours but we recognise that this is largely good fortune.

You’re not rich. You’re richer than your SIL. Her comments are unjust. Unless it’s z250 after tax I’m sat here wondering how you afford private school TBH.

Our household income is a little less than yours (not by a huge amount, though we do both work) and while your sister in law is extremely rude and clearly a bit jealous … yes you are being unreasonable. Your household income is many many times what the average household earns and while clearly you could be richer you are comparatively very well off.

Of course it's luck, don't be dim.
It's lucky to be born in a wealthy country, to be born and remain healthy, to have children that you wanted, to have lived in peacetime your whole life. It's lucky to be born clever enough to get a postgraduate education! I make more than your DH, and work extremely hard (probably harder than him, certainly harder than you!), but still recognise that I'm incredibly lucky.

But yes your sister is law is spot on, you are out of touch.

Whether it's rude of her to make comments about your lifestyle is a totally different issue. If she's bringing it up out of nowhere that's rude. If she's bringing it up because you're doing faux moaning about needing to budget and working so hard and how you got where you are by hard work then I can see her point tbh