To expect my dd to pay for her driving licence ?

[Firsttimemom3]

Did 18 years old is on her gap year. She has a good job well paid and saving for uni next year. We have given her a lump of money for her 18th, we do not charge her rent, we pay for food, phone and extras. We were meant to pay for her driving licence but we just had a massive vet bill, we are stretched. Am I unreasonable to expect her to pay her driving licence ?

Well if she's being an entitled madam and swearing at you when you discusses her paying for her lessons yanbu.

Unless there's a huge back story or you paid for siblings lessons. Then she is being awful

My eldest dc isnt working as has loads hobbies. When I sat him down to explain we were short on money and would he mind paying towards his lessons and tests from his savings. He said no problem and offered to pay for it all.

Yep. My friends' dog busted her cruciate ligament on the beach last year - the bill came to almost 5k for surgery and rehab afterwards. The dog wasn't remotely close to death and is now fit, happy and healthy and has another good 4-6 years of life left (going by her breed).

No. She's 18, a driving licence is one of the first things you do for yourself as an adult. I'd have been mortified to ask my mum to pay for my lessons, never mind my phone bill!

At 18, I was paying my own phone and driving lessons. My mum paid my basics like food and toiletries until I left education. Isn't she embarrassed to have mum paying for her?

Well op cant keep this promise. Even if it was a "pinkie promise swear forever best friends" one.

Doesn't mean shes not decent. It means things have changed unexpectedly. Hard luck but thats life.

I’m not saying it’s unreasonable to keep a pet alive, I’m saying it is unreasonable to use a vet bill as an excuse to get out of a commitment I made to my child to pay for a life skill that I feel is a parent’s duty to provide.

I did say for a vet bill of £5k, I’d first be talking to the vet about a payment plan before considering putting the pet to sleep. In my experience a vet bill of £5k does mean the pet is likely near end of life anyway.

You using silly language doesn’t alter the fact that an adult breaking a promise is serious.

If that is true that she really really can’t keep her promise, then that is why OP should be the one apologising and offering some sort of future repayment.

It's not an excuse - it's life. Sometimes shit happens and we can't always keep our promises.

Most vets won't accept payment plans as they're not licensed to do so.

It really isn't serious - it's just normal life. Not everything can go the way we plan for it to go. Most 18 year olds should know that and shouldn't be resorting to telling their mum to "fuck off" over it

Exactly. What world do these people live in where everyone can always keep all their promises and nobody ever experiences financial struggles?

The job market is a lot worse, the relative pay is much lower and the costs are much higher today than it was for earlier generations.

Well most decent people don’t break promises to their children. We certainly haven’t.

I’d keep my promise to my adult daughter before I’d pour money into a luxury item for myself that I cannot afford. Pets are a luxury. Driving is a necessary life skill that parents are responsible for their children learning.

The cost of living at home without bills hasn’t changed.

You’d have a point if we were discussing someone living independently trying to make ends meet and learn to drive, but if all of your income is disposable, it’s not too much of a hardship to dispose of some of it on driving lessons.

Good for you - that doesn't make you any better than a parent who has struggled and who has had to make that choice.

You just sound unbearably smug.

There are options.
https://moneyplusadvice.com/blog/tips-advice/unexpected-vet-bill/

So do you think parents who can't afford to spend hundreds of pounds on driving lessons are neglecting and failing their kids?

Yes, options which are not available to everyone.

HTH.

The DD will still be able to learn. She'll just have to wait a bit or pay for it herself.

Honestly some of these replies are so dramatic 😂😂😂

The DD’s income isn’t disposable, it’s all being saved towards university costs which are incredibly high.

That's not what OP says at all - stop making things up.

She says she's saving for uni, yes, not that all her money is going towards that.

No not all parents can afford these things but driving lessons for children are far more important than some of the luxury items that parents spend their money on. You don’t give up being a parent when your child is 18.

You didn’t even read the article. It lists numerous options for families at all income levels. The only people who would not be eligible are those who have been mature enough to understand they can’t afford the luxury of a pet and so do not have to budget for vet bills.

I never said that you did, but it also doesn't mean that you fund your childs' every want indefinitely. An 18 year old who doesn't even pay their own phone bill, let alone any rent or food costs can pay for their own bloody driving lessons.

The only thing the OP says the DD’s earnings are going to are savings for University. There is not a single mention of the DD’s earnings being spent on anything else or being disposable.