To expect my dd to pay for her driving licence ?

[Firsttimemom3]

Did 18 years old is on her gap year. She has a good job well paid and saving for uni next year. We have given her a lump of money for her 18th, we do not charge her rent, we pay for food, phone and extras. We were meant to pay for her driving licence but we just had a massive vet bill, we are stretched. Am I unreasonable to expect her to pay her driving licence ?

Just because some random article lists loads of options, doesn't mean they're available to everyone in every part of the country.

But then you're someone who's admitted you would kill a healthy pet to fund your kids' driving lessons, so I'm not sure why I'm wasting my time responding to you in the first place.

Is it beyond your comprehension that many people cannot afford driving lessons for themselves or their children! Many people literally earn enough to pay basic bills,not to fork out 100s on lessons etc.
Are you suggesting that unless people have thousands of spare £££ in their account they shouldn’t dare have the luxury of a beloved pet .
Do you have any idea what a pet contributes towards the positive mental health of many’poor’ people!
An adult should have the critical thinking skills to understand that the pet ,for now is the priority. No wonder there are so many shallow and entitled human beings around these days if this is how they have been brought up,thinking that theyare number one priority at all times!

I would never “kill a healthy pet to fund my kids driving lessons” 🙄
A pet with a surprise £5k vet bill is not a healthy pet. PTS is a legitimate option when you have a pet that seriously ill or injured.

I honestly don’t know why you are bothering to reply either.

Its honestly no wonder some people just crumble at the first sign of things going a bit sideways 😔 I genuinely think its a shame, they stand no chance of coping with normal life troubles and will probably lose a lot of friends along the way.

And it is just as normal up and down the country for some parents to pay for lessons and a first car and everything that goes with it. Just as it is also normal for some parents to pay for some of it but not all.
You do realise that people do things differently. It doesn't mean that it isnt normal.

It certainly doesnt infantise someone or make them look like a toddler just because someone is helping them out with the cost of something.

The only weird thing is you thinking that your way is the correct way.

I'm totally with you.

I'd be mortified if my parents put our family pet to sleep to pay for my driving lessons - what kind of fucked up lesson is that?

I mean, yes, if the dog is 16 and dying then that's different, but as you say, 5k can be a very minor operation and recovery. I think it's madness that so many people are advocating PTS in that situation - I can only hope that they don't actually own animals and are just on the wind up.

In Scotland there’s a couple of initiatives to fund driving lessons, ILF (Independant Living Fund) is one of them. It’s a fund available to people with disabilities to allow them to live at home or independently within their communities. There’s also a couple of smaller places that will part fund driving lessons for those that live in rural communities. Edinburgh Napier University had a fund too to help students on certain degrees that were carers etc get driving lessons. This was part funded as far as I remember.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Great, another entitled young adult whose had parents do everything or pay for everything for them. What's the future going to look like when these people are running things?

Well quite, the pet isnt healthy otherwise it wouldnt be at the vet.

The £5k can get them healthy though, which is always brilliant news to a pet owner who can afford it.

It is not beyond my comprehension. You are deviating from the OP’s situation where she promised to pay for the lessons, she had the money for the lessons but is now saying a surprise vet bill means she has no choice but to make her DD pay for the lessons.

Yes, I don’t think people who can’t afford to properly take care of a pet should get or keep a pet. It’s animal cruelty and selfish. Pets are not the only ways we can get emotional support. If finances change, then rehome the pet. If a pet is so sick or injured that you can’t afford the medical costs or get a low income grant from a charity to cover those costs, the the pet should be PTS.

It shouldn’t even be a discussion as to who is more important to a parent- their child or their dog/cat/rabbit. House is burning down, who is the priority? Your child fgs, not the pet.

If the £5k can get them healthy, often it’s just prolonging life and alleviating suffering for an elderly pet with cancer or some other life limiting condition. And yes, many pet owners wouldn’t be able to afford £5k and would be considering PTS as an option.

Of course they're on a wind up 😃

Are you suggesting that unless people have thousands of spare £££ in their account they shouldn’t dare have the luxury of a beloved pet .

No - but people shouldn’t have pets they can’t afford and then cry poverty when they suddenly need treatment for something. I recently saw an £11k gofundme for a sausage dog - I was embarrassed for them tbh. If the OP is so financially crippled by this as-yet-unknown-amount vet bill that they can no longer afford to pay for driving lessons that they had promised and that are extremely important to the future of their child, then I would wager she can’t really afford the pet in the first place.

Its also not clear if this money was put aside FOR driving lessons and then spent on the pet, which if the case the daughter would rightly be even more frustrated and disappointed.

Well op, I’ve learnt the hard way. We paid for DS lessons. Test. Retest. Phone. Food. Allowed him to live rent free on a gap year. Bulk sums of money for uni, shopping etc.

And he’s now 21 and still won’t get a job. I love him to bits, but it’s like having an oversized 13 year old.

I think back to being 13 and getting a weekend job. Paying for the clothes etc I wanted. Paying for food. My own uni. My own rent etc. Working 2 jobs when I hit 18, 19, 20 etc. Completely independent. An adult. I didn’t feel disadvantaged.

At my son’s age, I was so much further ahead in maturity and independence and I had much better mental health than he does at the moment.

Older teens and young adults need purpose. They need work ethic. They need a reason to get out of bed. They need to develop independence. That increases their confidence and self esteem and in turn they thrive and their mental health is good.

I’ve done my son a disservice by treating him like a child right into his adult years. I say let her pay for her own test. The lesson is invaluable.

Dude its clear you haven't had many pets recently you very obviously have no clue aboit vet costs.

Totally agree. They need to develop independence, real independence that comes from sorting things out for yourself and paying for things yourself.

I didn't learn to drive until I could fund it myself, all of it. My brother came back from university having learned to drive and got a car without any parental input at all.

I didn't think you were being unreasonable before OP, I don't think lessons are mandatory in any way so there's no obligation to pay for them. I was going to say maybe you could pay for a certain number of lessons, say 5, to get her started, then it's up to her.

But after you've said she told you to fuck off, any sympathy I had for her being disappointed has vanished. She's an adult now, life starts now - including respect for others. When things have cooled down perhaps a compromise but really OP you shouldn't feel obliged to fund the whole thing, especially with this attitude.

that are extremely important to the future of their child

She's an adult with a well paying job and no overheads. If she wants to learn she has the means.

Vet bills can easily cost thousands, if you're suggesting everyone should have earmarked five grand before they get a cat I think that's a bit overboard.

Are your posts serious or are you trying to wind people up? They are all pretty stupid.

Pets are NOT a luxury and parents are certainly NOT responsible for their children learning to drive. Many many many children learn to drive and even buy cars without help from parents. Many parents cannot afford to pay for those things.

i dont pay for my dc to learn.
you have to draw your own line op

@fruitbrewhaha. You can double that

what are you talking about? Of course pets are a luxury

The idea of them is a luxury - once you have them, they are a responsibility.

Barely an adult? Plenty of 18 year olds are married, have full time jobs and maybe even children.

I started full time work at 17, my parents at 14. We managed to stand on our own feet and not expect our parents to pay for everything