To expect my dd to pay for her driving licence ?

[Firsttimemom3]

Did 18 years old is on her gap year. She has a good job well paid and saving for uni next year. We have given her a lump of money for her 18th, we do not charge her rent, we pay for food, phone and extras. We were meant to pay for her driving licence but we just had a massive vet bill, we are stretched. Am I unreasonable to expect her to pay her driving licence ?

Obviously (if very ill/in a lot of pain/will continue to be)

She can. But when? She can’t afford it now. Presumably she wants to go to university so she is unlikely to be able to afford to then either. Then she will need to look for a graduate job - in 5 years time when the pet is dead anyway and the daughter has limited opportunities for employment because of her lack of driving license it will be an issue.

This is obviously slightly dependent on where you live but I have a friend who at 33 is still suffering from not having learnt to drive as a teenager. We live rurally so job opportunities are limited as is public transport - he has never been able to earn enough to pay for lessons and can’t get a better job because he can’t drive. It is a vicious circle.

Hang on, she told you to fuck off?

On principle alone for that she'd be very much paying her own way for everything, not just driving lessons.

Lots of things are easier when you're young, but that doesn't mean you can't do them when you're older as well.

I learnt to drive at 27 - it was fine. Took me about 9 months from starting lessons to passing my test.

Um, how do you know she can't afford it now? OP says she has a well paid job and doesn't pay a penny in rent. She doesn't even pay her own phone bill!

Agree - and as I have said it depends doesn’t it? I will never think it is sensible to financially cripple yourself to keep an animal alive when their life can be very humanely ended

The DD wont be waiting for years. She'll still be young in a year or whenever she decides to pay for it herself or when op can.

Wow, that is going to be some old banger.

I don't think voters realised that the OP meant the lessons, I'd also expect the OP to pay for lessons, it takes a long time for somebody that age to earn enough to pay for those.

I don't agree. It's normal in my world to help your kids. My son has always paid for part of it with his job money and of course his petrol etc but a car payment, insurance, lessons, etc is going to be a big ask when you just work part time at Tescos.

He is far from infantile. He is currently a second year student nurse and uses his car to get to placements as well as working at hospitals in his spare time.

Yeah, my sons used their child trust funds (the government ones) to help pay for driving lessons/towards a car. They should bring those back. They were brilliant and actually useful.

She should be contributing around the house and there should be consequences if she doesn't. It's letting her down to not teach her discipline and self-sufficiency. That said, if she won't get her license otherwise, you should definitely pay for it. I know people who didn't get their licence as teens; it gets harder and harder the older you get and the next thing you know they're middle aged and needing lifts from family and partners for everything. Not having a license is very limiting in life and will make things harder for you as well if she's wanting lifts all the time.

Congratulations you've raised a spoilt brat.

She told you to fuck off

no way I would be paying for lessons for her with that attitude !

How is paying for her own driving lessons from her own income, earned through well paying work, compromising her future?

Some people are fucking ridiculous.

I paid for my own driving lessons and tests. I worked and had money, and it wouldn't have ever occurred to me to expect my parents to fund it. But then I was raised to be very capable of doing things for myself.

We paid for all of dc's lessons, and insurance on my car. Ds1 paid his own insurance out of his student loan, and ds2 had a choice- have a car and commute to uni or stay at uni and train it. He choose to stay so I've paid for his insurance on my car when he's home

I paid for my own driving lessons and tests when in my 20s. I had to wait until I had a full time job. My parents had nothing to do with it. I bought my own car and paid my own car insurance and all other costs.

No child needs to have everything handed to them on a plate.

Isn't this why so many kids are entitled and have no respect. The poorer ones have the same expectations. Kids need to grow up. How are they gong to be decent parents and pay for their own kids if they can't look after themselves.

Good for you.

There's a difference between not "daring" to tell you to fuck off and simply not telling you to fuck off?

One's fear based and the other is respect.

Well luckily no one is asking you to pay for a pet's vet bill are they? You don't even know what the bill was for

I totally agree with you! X

I don’t agree with some views on here that if children are paid for, don’t help round the house and don’t have a part time job, that they will grow up to be rude, entitled and not able to hold done a job.
Both our children were not expected to help unless it was an emergency. They did not have to get part time jobs. They studied hard, went to good universities. They now have good jobs and no they are not rude or entitled and are doing a very good job of bringing up their own young children.

I would be willing to bet she can afford it now but just doesn't see why she should pay for driving lessons when she doesn't pay for anything else.

You have no idea how old the pet is so why are you so sure it will be dead in 5 years time? You just seem such a know it all.

Plenty of youngsters don't have parents who spoil them and manage to pay for their own driving lessons even, shock horror, their own cars!

My dd is 18, y13 & learning to drive.

she has good pt job

she got 10 lessons from her dad for birthday
next lot of lessons her grandma gave her £ towards & she is covering the rest directly.

my contribution has been getting learner’s insurance for my car £250 - and taking her driving myself as much as her busy schedule allows.

Your DD is working ft & living for free at home.
YANBU.

It sounds like when you say you were supposed to pay for her to have driving lesson and for the exams for a drivers licence that this was a promise you made to her.

You cannot now back out of a promise due to a vet bill. That is incredibly unfair.