To expect my dd to pay for her driving licence ?

[Firsttimemom3]

Did 18 years old is on her gap year. She has a good job well paid and saving for uni next year. We have given her a lump of money for her 18th, we do not charge her rent, we pay for food, phone and extras. We were meant to pay for her driving licence but we just had a massive vet bill, we are stretched. Am I unreasonable to expect her to pay her driving licence ?

No they are not to many people. If pets are a luxury then so are children. No one has to have children and they cost a fortune especially the spoilt brat ones

Is this something you could perhaps come to a mutual compromise on? Agree to pay half up to a maximum limit. It will help her value the lessons, and shows you are trying to help.

Seems to a couple of posters they are disposable. Just have them pts at the drop of a hat. Do the ignorant posters realise that having a dog pts is not cheap. Our dog had to be pts last year and it cost £1,600.

I am sure your DD could be at university without being able to drive. It can wait if your DD cannot afford it.

I think your generosity has created an expectation, which understandably as it has changed, no wonder it did not go down well.

But most of these children will go on to contribute to society and pay taxes that will provide you with a state pension.
Animals on the other hand just take from the environment.

@Changename12 the majority of people aren’t net contributors and they take from the environment too

I mean, you're deluded if you think these children's taxes will fund any kind of state pension for much longer but that's a topic for another thread

Of course they are - just because people like having pets doesn’t mean they are an essential part of being. It’s an extra financial expense that you don’t need. A luxury.

Pet people always compare pets to children and it’s so tiring. Children become adults that we need to continue society.

You will need a more than £5k, if you are also factoring in buying a vehicle.

Insurance, after passing, is likely to be at least £1k, even for a small cheap car. Not so much whilst learning.

Lessons between £35-£50 and hour (at least 20 minimum (£700-£1000). In fact the average is nearer 50 hours of lessons plus practice in between.
Provisional licence £34.
Theory test £23.
Practical test £62-£75, £100s if you want a quick test. Plus cost of hiring your instructors vehicle (plus lesson before the test) £100+.
It's not a cheap endeavor.
(My son passed last year age 18).

What I would recommend is studying, taking and PASSING the theory test before starting practical lessons, you cant book a practical test until you've passed your theory (the pass last two years), the fail rate of the theory test is 50%!
Also get on a driving instructors wait list for lessons. We had to wait 6 months before my son could get any.

'Most' is not all. How many go on to rely on benefits?? That is a big drain. Much more expensive than a pet and at least with a pet the owner derives satisfaction as long as they treat the animal well.

No one should have a child or pet unless they are prepared for the financial responsibility and everything else it entails. Responsibility ends at 16 to 18 for a child.

The vast majority of people are not net contributors to society. Chances are OP's DD will take much more than she ever gives back.

It's highly unlikely most children will go on to contribute to society. More and more young people decide they do not want to work and realise how easy it is to get benefits.

No one NEEDS to have a child. They have them because they are a selfish want, same as having a pet.

They may grow up to be a valuable member of society but they just as likely may not.

Most pets cost a fraction of the cost over their lives that a child costs so a child would seem to be the bigger luxury.

We paid for DD to learn and pass, but as she doesn’t need a car she can pay for a car and insurance when the time comes. She passed before uni and went to a commutable (just) uni but chose to live at uni. Had she chosen to live at home, we’d have got her a car but instead the money has gone on supporting her there.
Your daughter will be upset because often people need around a years worth of weekly lessons and they are not cheap; and you originally said you would pay. She shouldn’t have told you to fuck off but I wouldn’t fixate on that as long as there is a proper apology when she calms down as if someone had told me they’d give me £2K + and then suddenly treated me as if I was entitled for wanting it I’d be a bit miffed too.

And in the OPs case she has decided to have both, overstretched herself and is now prioritising the pet over her daughter!

Mine won’t, shall I put him to sleep so someone can learn to drive?

Slippery slope to go down. Not all children grow up to contribute, and not all tax payers are net contributors.

Prioritising a pet's health over a brattish daughter's driving lessons is not wrong. She is not saying the driving lessons can never happen or that the daughter will have to wait years for them is she? If the daughter is that desperate to drive then she can bloody well pay for her own lessons especially as she doesn't pay for anything else.

If it were between the pet's health and the daughter's health I could understand your logic but as it is you are just a ridiculous hard hearted person and I sincerely hope you don't have pets. I bet you have entitled children though!

We taught all our 4 kids to drive ourselves, and then just a few lessons before the test. MyvDB did tge samecwith all his kids. It teally does save a lot of money.

Her sick pet over her spoilt daughter. Adjectives matter.

I do not think it is spoilt to think your parents will pay for driving lessons, especially when they have promised they will. I also do not think it is spoilt to be upset when money that was promised to you is now being denied.

The op hasn’t budgeted properly and her daughter is now paying the price.

Lessons cost a lot. £70/two hours where I live. Maybe talk about the expense and she can pay for some.

Being upset is fine. That's a totally human reaction and not spoilt - you're right.

However, telling your parents to "fuck off" over it is very much the behaviour of a spoilt brat.

Tbf the DD isnt paying the price of anything right now 😬

but, she can pay for them herself though, she doesnt have to martyr herself over this. I mean, if its so important that she learns right now otherwise..I dunno....thumbs drop off non-drivers when they reach 19 now or something

This is an excellent much needed life lesson to the DD - shit happens, plans can go sideways, "promises" cant always be kept if something unexpected happens, and you have to be resilient and find solutions. Suck it up im afraid, welcome to adulthood!!

What makes her spoilt is not paying for anything currently, and swearing at her mum when things don't go her way. You're getting distracted.

The op hasn’t budgeted properly and her daughter is now paying the price.

There are worse things in the world, she'll live.

"Her daughter is now paying the price"! What an overstatement. Are you always so dramatic?