To think it is impossible not to dislike your body?

[Nearly40mumof4]

Just listening to the Emma Barnett podcast, ‘ready to talk’ with Billie Bhatia about fatphobia and her struggles with accepting her body. It is brilliant.
At one point she says that she has spent her whole life disliking her bigger body and has never been able to not think about it / what to eat/how to lose weight.

I’ve always struggled with my body, ranging from being skinny with eating restrictions to averagely slim, to a bit fat after having children, to the current situation of being a size 12. I look alright and have a very healthy main diet, but I’m either always binging secretly or restricting secretly and losing/gaining the same stone, sometimes in a fortnight. Food is certainly my drug and go to treatment for stress, sadness, comfort etc. I wonder if it’s ever possible to reach a stage of acceptance and just eat normally without the psycho drama? I eat healthily and am active through work (which unfortunately involves baking, so food is ever present), but now I have the obvious markers of 4 pregnancies like loose skin in my stomach, which I really hate. I want to be the person who can say ‘look at my wonderful body and what it has done for me’, but like Billie says in the podcast, I have never reached that point. Has anyone ever cracked this sort of thing and just accepted themselves? I want to be ‘body positive’ for my daughter and I keep all this a secret. I grew up watching my mum eat cottage cheese and celery for dinner and refusing to enjoy family meals because she was always trying to lose weight (even though she was only a size 10) and so I’m shielding my kids from any of that nonsense. No one who knows me would ever guess this stuff and it feels like a shameful secret.

I've never disliked my body. I'm not particularly slim or beautiful but it's my body. I don't give a tuppenny damn what anyone thinks about it as it's the body I live in, with flabby bits, saggy bits, sore bits.

Wish I could have this as my reality :(

I don’t dislike my body and I don’t love it. I’m fairly neutral but I like that it’s strong and keeps me alive. I’m not a supermodel so I don’t need to look a particular way for any reason. There’s much more interesting things about me than my body size and shape!

I'm just fine with my body. The marks on it that giving birth brings, the indented scar from my first clash with cancer and my pretty spectacular "j" shaped scar down one side of my spine.

along with my many and varied wrinkles and loose jiggley skin, they are all my battle scars.

it's taken me 75 years, but I'm now very fond of this package that's done alright for and by me.

so my advise is to give it time, and while that time is passing try to be kind to the machine that's carrying you around, it's usually doing it's best in my experience.

I wish I had this pragmatic outlook. I do appreciate how marvellous it is and grateful for being healthy and strong, just wish I could change the narrative in my head that it's never good enough/ I need to be thinner. Sounds easy but isn't. Not about vanity either, it goes deeper than that.

You get to a point where you're glad to have everything working and come to the realisation that looks are really not important at all. The human body is amazing, especially women's. It's what your body allows you to do that really matters. If you have good health you have everything.
When you see a vibrant young woman (a friend of mine) paralysed from the neck down from cancer and unable to do anything for their self, you appreciate what yours can do.

What's on the outside really doesn't matter.

@user1471453601 thank you, that is encouraging. When my husband sees my tummy which is wrinkly and my boobs are flat from all the breastfeeding, I know he doesn't judge me and tells me i look nice, but I miss my flat stomach and can't believe I'm attractive anymore. I know it sounds lame and pathetic doesn't it, that's why I find it shameful. It's not life threatening and so why does it bother me so much. So much psycho drama!

I love my body, it does amazing things with no input from me at all. Is it visually perfect… no but it’s the only one I have or will ever have.

After my mastectomy I decided not to have a massive operation for reconstruction. I've got an implant. I look fine dressed but a bit funky naked.

It's taken a while, but my body has got me through and I'm grateful. Accepting myself as I am is the best outcome from my cancer experience.

@Lifewontbethesame I know, it's ridiculous. I've lost immediate family way before their time and have seen real suffering, so i have so much to be grateful for. I guess i was just hoping there were some other people who could relate. It's not rational at all, I think that's the point of it. Maybe it's more like body dysmorphia.

I would guess you've never been in a position where your body didn't work and you couldn't even walk and transferring to a chair was difficult.

I have and it gives you some perspective. You appreciate what works and care for what doesn't.

So I go for functionality and gratitude rather than ohhh, saggy whatever because I just don't give a shit about that.

I really dislike it when people normalise this kind of self hatred and assume that all women feel the way you do. They don’t. This is not normal.

I love my body. I’m too thin, my boobs are fucked and I’ve stretch marks from my nips to my knees..

This body grew, carried, birthed and fed my babies. It hasn’t let me down yet. Looks 7/10 with clothes on. 3/10 without. Do I care? Not in the slightest.

It’s wonderful. Look at all the things you can do with your body. You can go anywhere and do anything. Ok you’ll maybe not want to throw yourself out of a plane, or climb Everest.. but it’ll allow you fresh air and the ability to breathe deep into your lungs. There’s nothing wrong with your body. It’s your noggin, love. Sort that out. ❤️

Your experience is that you're deeply uncomfortable with your body and no, that is not universal or applicable to all women. I would say most of the women I know including myself are comfortable in their skin. It sounds like your mom had issues with eating and weight and you internalized those from her. You might consider therapy if you want to change that internal mindset.

I like my body, I always did, it's objectively a good body.
I used to dislike my face (now I really like it, it's not the prettiest but it suits me) but the body has always been in my good books.

Why not try to find a therapist to talk about this issue? There will be someone local. Ring a few and find one you like, who is properly qualified. It will cost you, but your happiness is worth it.

Yes. I am ok with my body. It's healthy and functional. My mum's fine with hers too.
I have better things to think about.

@IsItBeesThoughLooshkin I’m sorry if this post offends you, I am not trying to normalise anything. I realise it is not normal. Despite being a rational person in most regards, I do find it hard to accept my body. But maybe I am in a much smaller minority than I thought. I obviously have trauma and issues to work through.

You can be completely neutral. It starts with reframing how you categorise your body. We are great apes. Mammals. Your body is simply a magical meat suit full of bones and electricity. It does not exist to be “attractive”. A body that has been lived in will look lived in. For decades women have been conditioned to never age or take up space- now we know it was all designed by old men who lust after children and teens. Knowing this makes me actively want to rebel against the monsters and be soft, lived-in, with all the sags, wrinkles, scars, grey hair and pubes that are NORMAL and differentiate me from a child. The world can simply fuck off with its opinions on my magical meat suit. It’s MINE and I can do whatever the fuck I want with it.
You can decide to free yourself from obsessing over what other great apes think about yours. Look outwards.
(I am 46 and have had two kids)

OP, just curious do you have a critical inner voice?

Meat suit is absolutely right.

At the moment, I am travelling solo in an Italian city, walking through piazzas, drinking great wine, eating fabulous pasta, looking at gorgeous art. Walked some 20 k steps.

I don't need to be thin and young to do any of this. I am a size 12 too. All I need is to be healthy and that's all I care about.

I am the same as you OP. I grew up never thinking my body was "good" enough - I had big boobs so was deemed a slut in school, but also too "fat" (I wasn't) for anyone to be interested in me.

I've spent the last two decades getting fatter and fatter, and over the past year I have lost five stone and feel amazing. But, I still look at my body, and wish I could love it more. Sometimes I genuinely feel really upset - why aren't I thinner? Why has my weight loss stalled? Why have I lost all the weight from my legs, bum and boobs, and not from my belly? Other times I'm more neutral, and dressed, I actually sometimes feel great.

I don't give a tuppenny damn what anyone thinks about it - @muddyford me neither - objectively, I see women (and men) who are much bigger than or whatever, and I think how nice they look. I just cannot apply the same reasoning to my own body! It's 100% purely internal.

I've never disliked my body as such, but I've definitely given it a hard time over the years! I saw this quote on Instagram once and it really resonated with me. I've tried to go easier on it since.

I feel similarly to you OP. I also make an effort not to talk negatively about myself in front of others, as I am determined not to
pass it on to my daughter. But it is always running in the background.

I used to be highly critical is my body. Somewhere along the lines of pregnancy and childbirth I lost that completely and now I’m grateful for all it’s done and can look in the mirror and my ridiculous stretch marks and completely deflated boobs and laugh. Luckily DH has only ever been very positive about it too so I’m sure that’s helped!

Objectively i look far worse than when I was highly critical of it but I’m much more positive about my body now! Weird.